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REALLY trying to turn this negative into a positive...but having no luck! Perhaps its cause im a little too ticked! (EDIT) UPDATE

Posted by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 9:52 PM
  • 24 Replies

 UPDATE: He text this morning, and told me that he had fallen asleep which is why he didnt answer me back and that he was sorry for upsetting me and he did not mean too, he doesnt want me to cut my time with my family short for him (i rarely see my family) and that he knows he should have used different wording to explain what he was saying. I text him back and told him we could talk about it after work.

Some of you have read my posts about Stew and me ...about how we are not together ,but are trying to work to save an 8 yr relationship...

We do not live together , have NEVER lived together ( long story there , more of a financial decision than anything).

So any ways...he is a roofer, he goes to work for 5am ..and does not get back home until 8-9pm. So needless to say we do not see him during the week. (which i understand)

This upcoming weekend, myself and hope are going two hours away to go visit my family for a family reunion.

I was just talking to stewart on the phone, and said to him that i was going to see if my sister could perhaps have me home around noon on sunday so we can at least spend some time with him.

His response ? "Dont hold your breath" ...

I asked why ?

Him : well because i have those plans with my dad to go see Planet of The Apes on sunday (which these plans i knew about).

I said " well, its just a movie..how long could that take?"

Him : I dont know , i dont know when we are going to see the movie.

I nicely told him, that i didnt want to talk anymore and i had to go...then i sent him a text saying " Not mad about you going to the movies at all. A little upset because we dont see you during the week and i get thats because of your job, so we have to wait till its two weeks before we see you again? REALLY?  I wont hold my breath, have a fun weekend".

Yes it was a little snarky ..but the " dont hold your breath' comment hurt!

It's already been hard enough after 8 yrs , only getting to see him on the weekends...this doesnt feel any better :(

EDIT (this response is in the 2nd reply) : he really does seem sincere about working things out , it hasn't always been only seeing him on the weekends...it's only been this past year when he got this job with this specific roofing company. The foreman does not have a family ..and no one to go home too, so he tends to work very long hours ..without having any concern for the roofers on his crew and their families.

Stew only lives two blocks away from the roofing office (where they get dropped off at), it makes sense for him to just go home at night because that is where he is closest, and the fact that he has to get up at 5am.

On the week days that he has off (because of crappy weather) he does come over and spend time with us.

We do not live together , because i am on disability and if he were to move in with me on his salary i would get cut off of disability ( i live in canada, he brings in as much as i do during roofing season, they would look at this as a full income and cut me off) what he is worried about is when he isnt on roofing season..he doesnt want to see us financially struggling. So i have been working towards getting my hands on skills to be able to get a secure job/career. And i hope to be able to start job searching when hope starts school in september.

I dont know why he said the 'dont hold your breath' comment , i know that his dad is not a 'timing' type of person ..and if you want to do anything with his dad , its always on his dad's time ..and his dad is quite flaky when it comes to setting a set time to do things. (it once took us 2 days to move 4 peices of furniture and 4 bins to my apartment, because his dad decided that he didnt want to do it anymore and he had other stuff to do).

So i mean , after calming down i get why he said it ..however , the wording could have very much been different!  And ...well it is only a movie, if he really wants to see us than he will make the time to do both.

 

by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 9:52 PM
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Replies (1-10):
our3
by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 9:58 PM

"Dont hold your breath" ? really ? Umm have you spoke to him about how sincere he is about fixing your relationship? Also not to sound mean or anything but if you have been together for 8 years and never lived together plus only see each other on the weekends, is that really a relationship?But to each their own I guess. I couldnt do it.

Lanie_momofone
by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 10:07 PM

 he really does seem sincere about working things out , it hasn't always been only seeing him on the weekends...it's only been this past year when he got this job with this specific roofing company. The foreman does not have a family ..and no one to go home too, so he tends to work very long hours ..without having any concern for the roofers on his crew and their families.

Stew only lives two blocks away from the roofing office (where they get dropped off at), it makes sense for him to just go home at night because that is where he is closest, and the fact that he has to get up at 5am.

On the week days that he has off (because of crappy weather) he does come over and spend time with us.

We do not live together , because i am on disability and if he were to move in with me on his salary i would get cut off of disability ( i live in canada, he brings in as much as i do during roofing season, they would look at this as a full income and cut me off) what he is worried about is when he isnt on roofing season..he doesnt want to see us financially struggling. So i have been working towards getting my hands on skills to be able to get a secure job/career. And i hope to be able to start job searching when hope starts school in september.

I dont know why he said the 'dont hold your breath' comment , i know that his dad is not a 'timing' type of person ..and if you want to do anything with his dad , its always on his dad's time ..and his dad is quite flaky when it comes to setting a set time to do things. (it once took us 2 days to move 4 peices of furniture and 4 bins to my apartment, because his dad decided that he didnt want to do it anymore and he had other stuff to do).

So i mean , after calming down i get why he said it ..however , the wording could have very much been different!  And ...well it is only a movie, if he really wants to see us than he will make the time to do both.

Quoting our3:

"Dont hold your breath" ? really ? Umm have you spoke to him about how sincere he is about fixing your relationship? Also not to sound mean or anything but if you have been together for 8 years and never lived together plus only see each other on the weekends, is that really a relationship?But to each their own I guess. I couldnt do it.

 

thehickinhickor
by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 10:16 PM
If he really wants to work it out make him come too you. Don't call or text unless he dose 1st
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
artsygirl2010
by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 10:24 PM
this

Quoting thehickinhickor:

If he really wants to work it out make him come too you. Don't call or text unless he dose 1st

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Lanie_momofone
by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 10:32 PM

 He is the one that calls or text's first ..he sometimes texts me in the am and says good morning , before he gets in the work truck..and HE calls every night to talk to me and hope ( we wait for him to call because we never know when he will get home from work)

Quoting thehickinhickor:

If he really wants to work it out make him come too you. Don't call or text unless he dose 1st

 

thehickinhickor
by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 10:38 PM
Then it sounds like your relationship needs the next step I understand the disability thing I'm on it myself but I'm in the us so I only lose about 50$ of my disability maybe you need to live closer so you can have that time which sound like to me is much needed not just for the 2 of you but for your child also

Quoting Lanie_momofone:

 He is the one that calls or text's first ..he sometimes texts me in the am and says good morning , before he gets in the work truck..and HE calls every night to talk to me and hope ( we wait for him to call because we never know when he will get home from work)


Quoting thehickinhickor:

If he really wants to work it out make him come too you. Don't call or text unless he dose 1st

 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Lanie_momofone
by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 10:42 PM

 He only lives about a 20 minute walk away from me ...not that far at all.

We have talked about moving in together, but because of other issues we want to work things out first before we do that , but i am hoping to get a job soon so that it can happen.

Plus, we are in the school district now ..if i move any closer to his work, Hope wont be able to go to the school anymore and its one of the best school's in our city and she NEEDS the support for her IEP's and her ADD.

Quoting thehickinhickor:

Then it sounds like your relationship needs the next step I understand the disability thing I'm on it myself but I'm in the us so I only lose about 50$ of my disability maybe you need to live closer so you can have that time which sound like to me is much needed not just for the 2 of you but for your child also

Quoting Lanie_momofone:

 He is the one that calls or text's first ..he sometimes texts me in the am and says good morning , before he gets in the work truck..and HE calls every night to talk to me and hope ( we wait for him to call because we never know when he will get home from work)


Quoting thehickinhickor:

If he really wants to work it out make him come too you. Don't call or text unless he dose 1st

 

 

thehickinhickor
by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 10:50 PM
Will something got to give hun I don't know all the little things but I've seen you post ( feel lucky I don't remember post! Lol ) and most of the things you've posted is about time that your not getting if he lives just 20 minutes away it's not that bad. I've also seen you give many reason not to move in together


what are you afraid of??
That's what I get from you're post your afraid I just don't think you can admit it anyone yet not even yourself


Quoting Lanie_momofone:

 He only lives about a 20 minute walk away from me ...not that far at all.


We have talked about moving in together, but because of other issues we want to work things out first before we do that , but i am hoping to get a job soon so that it can happen.


Plus, we are in the school district now ..if i move any closer to his work, Hope wont be able to go to the school anymore and its one of the best school's in our city and she NEEDS the support for her IEP's and her ADD.


Quoting thehickinhickor:

Then it sounds like your relationship needs the next step I understand the disability thing I'm on it myself but I'm in the us so I only lose about 50$ of my disability maybe you need to live closer so you can have that time which sound like to me is much needed not just for the 2 of you but for your child also


Quoting Lanie_momofone:


 He is the one that calls or text's first ..he sometimes texts me in the am and says good morning , before he gets in the work truck..and HE calls every night to talk to me and hope ( we wait for him to call because we never know when he will get home from work)



Quoting thehickinhickor:

If he really wants to work it out make him come too you. Don't call or text unless he dose 1st


 


 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Lanie_momofone
by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 10:57 PM

 Im not afraid of anything anymore ..but the truth be told, it IS because of the reasons i stated in this post lol. His job doesnt lay people off during non-roofing season , they give them one day of work ..and NO lay off papers , so it is hard to get unemployment insurance without the papers, because as long as he technically isnt 'laid off' ..they wont help him.

I would also like to wait until i have a job, so if he isnt getting any work ...we are still ok for money and we will be set (its a secure thing for me ...grew up jumping from house to house with hardly any food or furniture, and i dont want that for Hope).

The school also IS a big issue , alot of the schools do not help the students the way that Hope's school does ...hope just got diagnosed with ADD and was just put on the IEP last year ..there are alot of things to consider with this particular subject.

I personally would LOVE to be able to see him every day ..and be able to curl up next to him, and see him ..right now its not working that way , and i accept that i dont see him during the week (there are many woman that dont see their other half's for over a year) ...i just didnt expect his comment ..and it really hurt :(

Quoting thehickinhickor:

Will something got to give hun I don't know all the little things but I've seen you post ( feel lucky I don't remember post! Lol ) and most of the things you've posted is about time that your not getting if he lives just 20 minutes away it's not that bad. I've also seen you give many reason not to move in together


what are you afraid of??
That


Quoting Lanie_momofone:

 He only lives about a 20 minute walk away from me ...not that far at all.


We have talked about moving in together, but because of other issues we want to work things out first before we do that , but i am hoping to get a job soon so that it can happen.


Plus, we are in the school district now ..if i move any closer to his work, Hope wont be able to go to the school anymore and its one of the best school's in our city and she NEEDS the support for her IEP's and her ADD.


Quoting thehickinhickor:

Then it sounds like your relationship needs the next step I understand the disability thing I'm on it myself but I'm in the us so I only lose about 50$ of my disability maybe you need to live closer so you can have that time which sound like to me is much needed not just for the 2 of you but for your child also


Quoting Lanie_momofone:


 He is the one that calls or text's first ..he sometimes texts me in the am and says good morning , before he gets in the work truck..and HE calls every night to talk to me and hope ( we wait for him to call because we never know when he will get home from work)



Quoting thehickinhickor:

If he really wants to work it out make him come too you. Don't call or text unless he dose 1st


 


 

 

thehickinhickor
by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 11:04 PM
Then if that's truly the reason ( I understand the jumping from home to home I did not have a real home myself until I was 16 and put in to foster care ) and as a person with a learning disability I understand the school thing and his comment was uncalled for big time but I bet u anything if y'all had real time together not just weekend things would be a little easier why can't he stay like 4 days a week at your house?

Quoting Lanie_momofone:

 Im not afraid of anything anymore ..but the truth be told, it IS because of the reasons i stated in this post lol. His job doesnt lay people off during non-roofing season , they give them one day of work ..and NO lay off papers , so it is hard to get unemployment insurance without the papers, because as long as he technically isnt 'laid off' ..they wont help him.


I would also like to wait until i have a job, so if he isnt getting any work ...we are still ok for money and we will be set (its a secure thing for me ...grew up jumping from house to house with hardly any food or furniture, and i dont want that for Hope).


The school also IS a big issue , alot of the schools do not help the students the way that Hope's school does ...hope just got diagnosed with ADD and was just put on the IEP last year ..there are alot of things to consider with this particular subject.


I personally would LOVE to be able to see him every day ..and be able to curl up next to him, and see him ..right now its not working that way , and i accept that i dont see him during the week (there are many woman that dont see their other half's for over a year) ...i just didnt expect his comment ..and it really hurt :(


Quoting thehickinhickor:

Will something got to give hun I don't know all the little things but I've seen you post ( feel lucky I don't remember post! Lol ) and most of the things you've posted is about time that your not getting if he lives just 20 minutes away it's not that bad. I've also seen you give many reason not to move in together


what are you afraid of??
That



Quoting Lanie_momofone:


 He only lives about a 20 minute walk away from me ...not that far at all.



We have talked about moving in together, but because of other issues we want to work things out first before we do that , but i am hoping to get a job soon so that it can happen.



Plus, we are in the school district now ..if i move any closer to his work, Hope wont be able to go to the school anymore and its one of the best school's in our city and she NEEDS the support for her IEP's and her ADD.



Quoting thehickinhickor:

Then it sounds like your relationship needs the next step I understand the disability thing I'm on it myself but I'm in the us so I only lose about 50$ of my disability maybe you need to live closer so you can have that time which sound like to me is much needed not just for the 2 of you but for your child also



Quoting Lanie_momofone:



 He is the one that calls or text's first ..he sometimes texts me in the am and says good morning , before he gets in the work truck..and HE calls every night to talk to me and hope ( we wait for him to call because we never know when he will get home from work)




Quoting thehickinhickor:

If he really wants to work it out make him come too you. Don't call or text unless he dose 1st



 



 


 

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