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how would you feel about a person who.... *eta* *another edit!!* **and again!!!*

Posted by on Apr. 29, 2012 at 3:55 PM
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has a child, has a job, and has a boyfriend (not the childs father). when she isnt working, shes with the boyfriend. she constantly drops her kid off either at great-grandmothers or at a babysitter...LIES about having to work just to see "boyfriend" and stays away from the child pretty much completely??

the child is 1.5yrs old...your niece. the girl is your SIL. shes been doing this ever since she met the guy. before she works and after work she is with the guy. only comes home to sleep, while kid is sleeping. gets up "pretends" she got called into work. on her days off she drops kid off wherever she can and goes to be with this guy. poor little girl doesnt understand why her mom isnt around!! she hasnt been being herself, extra fussy.

i feel bad for the little girl :( she got dropped of here yesterday morning at 7AM and didnt get picked up til 7AM this morning!!! why??? so she could "go to florida and mow/do yard work" with boyfriend!!!! she NEVER takes her kid anywhere with her!!!!!

ETA: there's no point in trying to talk to her...she feels shes doing nothing wrong. she thinks she is right about every single thing and everyone is wrong. theres no getting through to her. and sadly the ones watching the baby wont stand up and tell her no!

another edit for the confused lol:: the childs "father" is NOT my brother. i say shes my "sil" because my fiance is her brother. i also dont think shes a "horrible" mother, i do not agree with what shes doing...she did this with the last guy she was "with" but this time its lasting a lot longer...and its sad for the girl.

Another edit:: To get things straight.. *I* am not "enabling" her to do any of this. I stopped watching her child a long time ago after she refused to listen to me (and after she got yelled at by her mom to come back to get her child I told her to take with her!). The grandmother (The baby's great-grandmother) is allowing this..and so is the other babysitter. The child's father is with another girl...he left SIL when she was 6 months pregnant after he told her "if you get pregnant, i wont leave i'll be with you and i wont cheat" well...obvious lie. He with with that girl and she is now pregnant. The father is no better than the mother. She won't listen to ANYBODY about this stuff. The "boyfriend" knows about the child, they've all been around each other. But she always makes excuses as to why she can't bring the kid with her (we're going bowling..ok, put her in a stroller let her watch!) or does things JUST so she CAN leave her (going to the movies)...

by on Apr. 29, 2012 at 3:55 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ashleymosq
by Ruby Member on Apr. 29, 2012 at 4:15 PM

Sad thing is that sounds like my SIL. Her dd is now 9 and she has done this ever since she had her. She has 4 kids total, but only has custody of one. She is always trying to find people to watch her dd so she can go off and do what she wants. The last time her dd stayed the night here was the day we had my Shylah's bday party. My niece came over after the party and stayed the night. The next day I had stuff I needed to get done, but it is impossible to get anything done with my niece here. I text my SIL about 11 to come get here. She didn't finally call us until after 5. She had my DH drop her dd off at a store for someone to come get. He didn't just leave her though. He waited until someone showed up. My SIL said that her phone died and the truck broke down. She called us from her phone to tell us to take her dd from the store. The next day she was running all over the place in the truck. It was a Sunday so there wasn't any place open to get the truck fixed and they are always broke so no one to pay to fix it. So yeah. This always happens with this girl. My DH wants to do something to help. We even considered trying to get custody of our niece, but this girl is bad. She lies, she steals, she teaches our DD horrible things. I know this little girl needs help, but we aren't able to give it. He don't want to call CPS, so I don't know what to do. Oh and it is the 9yr old that lies and steals.

JeanZavala
by on Apr. 29, 2012 at 4:29 PM
10 moms liked this
I've had a friend like that and I can understand your frustration. Some people just aren't mother figures and doesn't get the concept. In my friends case, she had a baby young and for the wrong reasons. She was a single mother and since the dad didn't want anything to do with her or the child, she didn't either. It's sad to say but some women are better off giving up their kids for adoption so they can have a better home rather than being raised in a broken home with no parents who wants them around. Just my opinion....
BeachMommy07
by on Apr. 29, 2012 at 4:33 PM
2 moms liked this

How old is she christa? sounds like her priorities are mixed up.

besosfantasies
by on Apr. 29, 2012 at 4:35 PM

Wow.. why isnt the bd in the picture?

proudmommy690
by Christa on Apr. 29, 2012 at 4:37 PM
shes 25!! shes 6 months younger than me. but get this...she thinks she knows EVERYTHING about parenting and blah blah.

Quoting BeachMommy07:

How old is she christa? sounds like her priorities are mixed up.

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proudmommy690
by Christa on Apr. 29, 2012 at 4:38 PM
they were married, having problems...talked her into having a baby at 6 months pregnant he left her for some other girl. she only allows him to get her on his "assigned" weekends holidays and wont let him see her any other days.

Quoting besosfantasies:

Wow.. why isnt the bd in the picture?

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rebeccasmly
by on Apr. 29, 2012 at 4:39 PM
1 mom liked this

Sounds like my sister who has 3 kids but has only seen them once since she lost custody a couple years back. :(

Also sounds like my DH's ex. Even when they were married, she was running around leaving the kids with anyone she could if my DH wasn't home. She finally left one night and never came back. A few years later, she wants to act like mom again but can't handle even visitation and was constantly asking to have her visitation reduced or not just showing up. Now she sees them about once a month with the option of arranging with us to see them for an afternoon or 2 during the month but never utilizes it. Since the beginning of the year, she has seen them for 4 days.

I think it is horribly sad when a mother is so much more concerned about herself and her latest boyfriend then she is her own child(ren). Do they realize how much they are hurting the child(ren)? Do they realize there will be a day where a day here and there no longer works? Or a phone call here ir there doesn't work? Or material things won't replace the relationship with their mother? Do they realize that even if they have awesome stepmothers raising them (my sister's kids have an absolutely wonderful stepmom!! And I have been raising my step kids as my own for 9 yrs) they can't replace that relationship they should have with their mother?

Poor kids. Hopefully your SIL realizes what she is doing before its too late.

Believe86
by on Apr. 29, 2012 at 4:43 PM
9 moms liked this
Its so unfortunate,because she's missing out on precious moments with her daughter.She's gonna regret it.
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rebeccasmly
by on Apr. 29, 2012 at 4:46 PM

Sorry for getting on my soap box. This is something very close to my heart. I have seen the hurt my children have gone through with the continuous rejections froms their biological mom. It tears at my heart every time they have cried over it, or gotten angry or upset. I have many times sat and cried with them holding them because I can't do anything to remove that pain. I can't make their biological mom want a relationship with them. And now as we are in the teen years, she wants her biological mom to want to take an interest in the "becoming a woman" and all the teen girl stuff and she has no desire. The biological mom just defers it all to me. :(

proudmommy690
by Christa on Apr. 29, 2012 at 4:51 PM
she sadly doesnt care. she pretends to love her and care about her...but the way she just drops her off and runs to be with that boy just pisses me off!! and get this...she thinks shes all high and mighty and knows everything about being a mom. i mean, i understand every once in a while but NOT EVERY SINGLE DAY!!! ohhh and shes here again!!! supposedly she got called into work, but of course i dont believe that shit. she wont get home til 2-3 in the morning!!

Quoting rebeccasmly:

Sounds like my sister who has 3 kids but has only seen them once since she lost custody a couple years back. :(

Also sounds like my DH's ex. Even when they were married, she was running around leaving the kids with anyone she could if my DH wasn't home. She finally left one night and never came back. A few years later, she wants to act like mom again but can't handle even visitation and was constantly asking to have her visitation reduced or not just showing up. Now she sees them about once a month with the option of arranging with us to see them for an afternoon or 2 during the month but never utilizes it. Since the beginning of the year, she has seen them for 4 days.

I think it is horribly sad when a mother is so much more concerned about herself and her latest boyfriend then she is her own child(ren). Do they realize how much they are hurting the child(ren)? Do they realize there will be a day where a day here and there no longer works? Or a phone call here ir there doesn't work? Or material things won't replace the relationship with their mother? Do they realize that even if they have awesome stepmothers raising them (my sister's kids have an absolutely wonderful stepmom!! And I have been raising my step kids as my own for 9 yrs) they can't replace that relationship they should have with their mother?

Poor kids. Hopefully your SIL realizes what she is doing before its too late.

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