how would you feel about a person who.... *eta* *another edit!!* **and again!!!*

[proudmommy690]

has a child, has a job, and has a boyfriend (not the childs father). when she isnt working, shes with the boyfriend. she constantly drops her kid off either at great-grandmothers or at a babysitter...LIES about having to work just to see "boyfriend" and stays away from the child pretty much completely??

the child is 1.5yrs old...your niece. the girl is your SIL. shes been doing this ever since she met the guy. before she works and after work she is with the guy. only comes home to sleep, while kid is sleeping. gets up "pretends" she got called into work. on her days off she drops kid off wherever she can and goes to be with this guy. poor little girl doesnt understand why her mom isnt around!! she hasnt been being herself, extra fussy.

i feel bad for the little girl :( she got dropped of here yesterday morning at 7AM and didnt get picked up til 7AM this morning!!! why??? so she could "go to florida and mow/do yard work" with boyfriend!!!! she NEVER takes her kid anywhere with her!!!!!

ETA: there's no point in trying to talk to her...she feels shes doing nothing wrong. she thinks she is right about every single thing and everyone is wrong. theres no getting through to her. and sadly the ones watching the baby wont stand up and tell her no!

another edit for the confused lol:: the childs "father" is NOT my brother. i say shes my "sil" because my fiance is her brother. i also dont think shes a "horrible" mother, i do not agree with what shes doing...she did this with the last guy she was "with" but this time its lasting a lot longer...and its sad for the girl.

Another edit:: To get things straight.. *I* am not "enabling" her to do any of this. I stopped watching her child a long time ago after she refused to listen to me (and after she got yelled at by her mom to come back to get her child I told her to take with her!). The grandmother (The baby's great-grandmother) is allowing this..and so is the other babysitter. The child's father is with another girl...he left SIL when she was 6 months pregnant after he told her "if you get pregnant, i wont leave i'll be with you and i wont cheat" well...obvious lie. He with with that girl and she is now pregnant. The father is no better than the mother. She won't listen to ANYBODY about this stuff. The "boyfriend" knows about the child, they've all been around each other. But she always makes excuses as to why she can't bring the kid with her (we're going bowling..ok, put her in a stroller let her watch!) or does things JUST so she CAN leave her (going to the movies)...

[Godspitgrl]

I think that its irrisponsible and unkind to the girl

[proudmommy690]

i dont watch her. when shes here, grandma is watching her (the kids great-grandma)..some times she will come and play with my kids and stuff. but i stopped watching her.

Quoting Ginnymarie33:

If you say something she will find someone else to leave the baby with and you never know who that will be. If you love the baby and she is safe with you then just keep her when you can. I know it's not fair but you're doing the right thing. I'm sorry, my cousin did this for years but she left us with 4 kids !!! We were teenagers and she would disappear with men for days on end. When I said no the kids were in god awful places so I gave in.

[wesleysmommy411]

I understand where you are coming from. My sil does the same thing with her son. He just turned 2 and is autistic. He is mentally like a 6 month old though. She works from midnight to 8 am. When she gets home at 9 in the morning she calls me to come get him so she can sleep. I have stopped taking him because after I get him, she goes out to her boyfriends house 2 hours away and I have him until 630 pm when her mom gets home. My sil comes home about 8 pm after her son is asleep, and she goes to sleep from about 830pm-1030pm when she gets up to get ready for work. She won't even take him to the corner store to get cigarettes. I have stopped taking him since I am dealing with my sick son AND mother lately. She is pissed at me, but I have told her she needs to be home with her son more often. She tells me that she is home with him a lot and loses patience with him and that is why she goes out.

[eneed1566]

What kind of a great guy is this to sit back and let her do this to her child? Sounds like neither one of them are winners by any means!

[LadyMarissa]

This story makes me want to cry.  I feel soooo sad for that child & I feel soooo sad for the mother!!!  Obviously, nobody will be nominating her for Mother of the Year.  You didn't say how old she is, but she sounds very young &/or very immature!!!  The only way to make her take care of her child is for everybody to stop catering to her!!!  Sadly, if forced to become the mother she should be, my guess is that she'll resent it & the child will suffer even more!!!  :((    If the child is removed from her custody, she'll resent it & use it as a cause to be a martyr.  The child will go into the foster care system & could end up in an even worse situation.  The only solution I can come up with is for the child's extended family to step in & do their best to take care of her.  She's not old enough to understand what's going on.  This mother will be repaid in spades as the child gets older!!!

[Ginnymarie33]

You can report her but the Florida social system is a nightmare! I'm a social worker. They won't take the baby and she's better not being in the Florida system. If it was my family I would watch her no matter what. But that's just me. How does your fiancé feel? If it was my sisters kid I wouldn't want it with anyone but me. I already have to stay home and watch my own,what's one more? I'm not saying its fair I'm just saying that someone in your family like you or grandma watches her or some loser is going to watch her.

[chloesmommy777]

Thank goodness the baby has you in her life! It's always frustrating to have to contend with these types who think children are disposable... When I was a youngster, my mom and other neighbors would babysit a neighbor boy who's mom did the same kind of you-know-what... it was sad... she'd disappear for days doing God knows what. Finally, my mom called Social and he was placed with his responsible aunt in another state... I don't know if his is a happy ending, I hope so...

[proudmommy690]

i did in replies...shes 25yrs old (im also 25, 26 in a couple weeks)... i wish she would understand. i couldnt do that to my kids, i have 3.

Quoting LadyMarissa:

This story makes me want to cry.  I feel soooo sad for that child & I feel soooo sad for the mother!!!  Obviously, nobody will be nominating her for Mother of the Year.  You didn't say how old she is, but she sounds very young &/or very immature!!!  The only way to make her take care of her child is for everybody to stop catering to her!!!  Sadly, if forced to become the mother she should be, my guess is that she'll resent it & the child will suffer even more!!!  :((    If the child is removed from her custody, she'll resent it & use it as a cause to be a martyr.  The child will go into the foster care system & could end up in an even worse situation.  The only solution I can come up with is for the child's extended family to step in & do their best to take care of her.  She's not old enough to understand what's going on.  This mother will be repaid in spades as the child gets older!!!

[proudmommy690]

oh i know florida sucks!!! i lived in florida til a year and a half ago. i think thats why his grandmother doesnt say anything. my fiance is upset too...he doesnt understand why shes being like this.

Quoting Ginnymarie33:

You can report her but the Florida social system is a nightmare! I'm a social worker. They won't take the baby and she's better not being in the Florida system. If it was my family I would watch her no matter what. But that's just me. How does your fiancé feel? If it was my sisters kid I wouldn't want it with anyone but me. I already have to stay home and watch my own,what's one more? I'm not saying its fair I'm just saying that someone in your family like you or grandma watches her or some loser is going to watch her.

[Maddogsmommy]

I don't think there is anything to do, except to be in that kid's life as a positive influence all you can. That's what I have done with my niece. My sister skips around from guy to guy, but does not have custody, thank God. (not just bc of that) I just try to show her a healthy, functional family, because God knows her mom does not do that.