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how would you feel about a person who.... *eta* *another edit!!* **and again!!!*

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has a child, has a job, and has a boyfriend (not the childs father). when she isnt working, shes with the boyfriend. she constantly drops her kid off either at great-grandmothers or at a babysitter...LIES about having to work just to see "boyfriend" and stays away from the child pretty much completely??

the child is 1.5yrs old...your niece. the girl is your SIL. shes been doing this ever since she met the guy. before she works and after work she is with the guy. only comes home to sleep, while kid is sleeping. gets up "pretends" she got called into work. on her days off she drops kid off wherever she can and goes to be with this guy. poor little girl doesnt understand why her mom isnt around!! she hasnt been being herself, extra fussy.

i feel bad for the little girl :( she got dropped of here yesterday morning at 7AM and didnt get picked up til 7AM this morning!!! why??? so she could "go to florida and mow/do yard work" with boyfriend!!!! she NEVER takes her kid anywhere with her!!!!!

ETA: there's no point in trying to talk to her...she feels shes doing nothing wrong. she thinks she is right about every single thing and everyone is wrong. theres no getting through to her. and sadly the ones watching the baby wont stand up and tell her no!

another edit for the confused lol:: the childs "father" is NOT my brother. i say shes my "sil" because my fiance is her brother. i also dont think shes a "horrible" mother, i do not agree with what shes doing...she did this with the last guy she was "with" but this time its lasting a lot longer...and its sad for the girl.

Another edit:: To get things straight.. *I* am not "enabling" her to do any of this. I stopped watching her child a long time ago after she refused to listen to me (and after she got yelled at by her mom to come back to get her child I told her to take with her!). The grandmother (The baby's great-grandmother) is allowing this..and so is the other babysitter. The child's father is with another girl...he left SIL when she was 6 months pregnant after he told her "if you get pregnant, i wont leave i'll be with you and i wont cheat" well...obvious lie. He with with that girl and she is now pregnant. The father is no better than the mother. She won't listen to ANYBODY about this stuff. The "boyfriend" knows about the child, they've all been around each other. But she always makes excuses as to why she can't bring the kid with her (we're going bowling..ok, put her in a stroller let her watch!) or does things JUST so she CAN leave her (going to the movies)...

by on Apr. 29, 2012 at 3:55 PM
Replies (341-350):
by Christa on May. 1, 2012 at 12:22 PM
i wish they would stop! she needs to grow the hell up and be a mom!!! but they just let her...or she'll be a little whiney brat or just ignore them and do it anyway (like she did me!)

Quoting dianepix:

My apologies - Again, this was not meant as an accusation, OR as a "YOU" you... It was meant as a general "All of you guys who are helping her" you.

Quoting proudmommy690:

*I* am not enabling her...i stopped that crap along time ago... its her grandmother allowing it and the other person who watches the child.

Quoting dianepix:

The only way to deal with this and make her take over her own responsibilities is to stop being so accessible for daycare. Next time she tries to drop the girl off say "No." And the time after that. And the time after that. Perhaps when you all stop enabling her (NOT said as an accusation, but you ARE enabling her) then she will begin to realize that the child is HER responsiblity.

Unless, of course, you think that it will result it abuse of the child. That's a WHOLE other can of worms, and maybe CPS should be called.

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by on May. 1, 2012 at 12:24 PM

She sounds like she is irresponsible. She may be a sweet person, but I think it's a good thing that she is not taking her child with her. This poor litlle girl may end us missing or worse. It's better that she is left with people that are going to care for her. It's really sad that her mother will not wake up and make her priority her child and not a man.

by on May. 1, 2012 at 12:42 PM
I have known others like that. A few times I was the baby stter until I called the parent on it and decided to charge more to keep their kids. I continued to keep the kids because I knew if they were not with me they may not be in a good place. Eventually the parents come around and it is bad on the child. However, its better that they are with relatives and friends and not off with her at the boyfriend. The risk of abuse toward the baby is high if the mom brings her around him. Just pray.
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by on May. 1, 2012 at 1:08 PM

I know married people who do the same thing - have a kid then send it to "Grandma's house for bonding" - every weekend. That's not bonding, that's running out on your children. Honestly, if there were just a survey, a quick thing, to give people before they have kids...  Do you A) Like to have a lot of free time B) Like to have some free time C) Like to pee with an audience

Maybe that would give some folks an idea about what it's like to have kids. Or at least WHY you have kids. To raise them right, make them your priority, and spend time with them. Duh.

by on May. 1, 2012 at 1:33 PM
Well I know it is hard to just call cps but you need to...the litttle girl is suffering she needs to get into something positive and I think u should take her and explain to your daughter how this little girl is...but even in u can't take her u need to call mom is a foster paret and had a girl just like that....she never got attachedfor the 3years she was there. My mom was strict with her...I hope she doesn't turn out the same....if u know its right in ur heart then do it....its all the help u can give to that little girl....think if she was urs....
by Member on May. 1, 2012 at 1:53 PM

Does the BF even know she has a child and leave her to spend time with him and also if so does he  hate kids?

both question need to be answered she is not acting right and for me a major warning sign that could cause some serious problems ifthe future if either question is yes.

I am not saying she would hurt the little girl, I am saying she is showing some signs that it is a possibility.

She seems to have no attachment for the girl at all if she can never see her and be just fine. her world is the BF. Her whole world.

by on May. 1, 2012 at 1:56 PM

Well it's a good thing you can vent on here because there is nothing you can do except give yourself cancer.  This is a sad case because the child is the only one that is missing out on her mother but she is not missing out on love...her great grandmother is providing that. and thank Goodness she is leaving the child with a good caretaker.  I wouldn't press the issue anymore, you can't make her realize she is a bad mother.  She is selfish and self-centered and it looks like penis takes priority here.  I was in a similar situation.  My SIL got mad at me and didn't let me see the kids, she actually said I resented her happiness with her new man.  and i went crazy trying to find out who in the hell was taking care of them because i knew the mother wasn't. I even called DCFS and they said that if she neglets them and doesn't feed them or physically abuses them, there is a problem but if she is taking them to someone to get cared's none of my business.  I let go and i now live a stress free life.  Do yourself a favor and stay out of her miserable life, unless you see that the child is in real danger, then it's your duty to do something.  Just because you have a good heart means nothing. You dont mean anything to her.   When the child grows up she will know who really took care of her and who really loved her.  It's sad because it's not the child fault...but at least she is in good hands.  I would really worry if she took that child somewhere where you dont know how she is cared for, just so she wont get anymore grief out of the family.  I am sure the great grandmother is doing good by her. Sorry but that just the way it is...

by on May. 1, 2012 at 1:57 PM

The sad thing is... there is no way to educate her if she is unwilling to learn.

If friends/family refuse to babysit she will just find someone else. (thus putting the child in potential harm) Not that all babysitters are "dangerous" but if she is desperate to find someone to babysit, she may not be as choosey & descerning as a parent should be when choosing babysitters. 

If I were in your shoes I'd advise people to charge her for their babysitting services. No more free family daycare. If she whines about not being able to afford it then point out that she does have the option to KEEP HER CHILD WITH HER!

by Christa on May. 1, 2012 at 1:57 PM
i answered one question in the OP...HE does know she has a child. he knows she snuck out one night (left the baby sleeping in bed...her mom (sil mom) knew nothing about it, she was sleeping in her room.) he even has kids of his own!! so no i do not believe he hates kids. but i agree, when the baby was an infant she was always with her, now shes mobile/walking and everything it seems she doesnt care any more...and i agree with you, it seems this "boy" is her world.

Quoting SaphiraJFire:

Does the BF even know she has a child and leave her to spend time with him and also if so does he  hate kids?

both question need to be answered she is not acting right and for me a major warning sign that could cause some serious problems ifthe future if either question is yes.

I am not saying she would hurt the little girl, I am saying she is showing some signs that it is a possibility.

She seems to have no attachment for the girl at all if she can never see her and be just fine. her world is the BF. Her whole world.

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by Member on May. 1, 2012 at 1:58 PM

I wonder if you could try and find out the answers to those questions if so if its yes then you need to step in not  to her but well you need to talk to someone who will listen.

If no one cares if that little baby gets hurt beause the mother is obsessed with a bf then someone needs to step in.

The most important thing is that little girl and her safety.

! obsessed mommy an equal 1 injured child. It has happened many times. I know you feel like your hands are tied, but that is what cps is for.

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