Last night, as I was sitting on the couch winding down at the end of the evening, I hopped on my laptop and checked Facebook just like every other person in the world with a pulse does at the end of the day. And I saw that I'd been tagged in a photo from an event I attended last weekend -- and I wasn't thrilled with how I looked. (Happens to the best of us.) So I did what any almost 35-year-old woman on the verge of an early mid-life crisis would do -- I updated my Facebook status voicing my displeasure with my appearance on that particular day.
And of course, I had a few people who came to my defense and told me I looked great, and that's when I realized that most of my friends probably thought I wrote that status update in the hopes of gaining sympathy, or worse -- fishing for compliments. (I swear on my LIFE that wasn't the case. This time.) But let's be honest, Facebook status updates usually have a hidden meaning behind them.
Because a lot of the time, people post things in the hopes of gaining a particular reaction from their friends in the comment field.
More from The Stir: 10 Surefire Ways to Be That Obnoxious Facebook Friend
On that note, may I present 10 common Facebook status updates, plus a translation of what they really mean.
1. "I am so blessed to have the most amazing husband a person could ask for. He's my true love in every sense of the word!"
"I can't believe that jerk forgot to take the trash out AGAIN. How many times do I have to remind him? So irritated, but I still want all of you to think we're blissfully happy."
2. "Ugh. I hate Mondays. Friday can't get here fast enough."
"I have absolutely nothing to say today, but I really wanted to update my status so people notice me on here, and this is the only thing I could come up with."
3. "So freakin' pissed that my size 2 jeans are too tight after all I ate on vacation. Time to break out the size 4s, I guess. :("
"My fat clothes are still really tiny, and I'm still super-skinny and I know it. And I'm going to brag about it -- because I CAN."
4. "Date night with the hubby! :)"
"While all of you are at home wiping up the food that fell off the highchair and trying for an hour to get your kids in bed, I'll be enjoying an adult dinner with plenty of wine, good conversation, and zero interruptions. Suckas!!"
5. "Just finished a 7-mile run, and I feel ah-mazing!"
"Where's my pat on the back? Scratch that -- where's my medal?"
6. "Life is what you make of it, and you alone have the power to change it. (Or any other motivational quote)."
"I'm so unhappy with my life right now and have no idea where it's going, but maybe if I post enough of this motivational mumbo-jumbo, I'll actually start to believe that I can take over the world."
7. "In T-minus 12 hours, I'll be on the beach in Barbados drinking a pina colada and enjoying the gentle ocean breezes. I. Can't. Wait."
"Duh, you should totally be jealous that I'm taking a tropical vacation while you're sitting in your office freezing your butt off and looking at the snow outside. And yes, I really want to rub it in your face."
8. "Wow. Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse ..."
"Somebody pay attention to me on here, dammit. Somebody? Anybody? Nobody's going to ask what is going on? What is WRONG with you people?!"
9. "Just put a savory pot roast into the oven, homemade bread is baking in the breadmaker, and now I think I'll get started on a delicious apple pie."
"You only WISH your wife was as domestic as I am. You totally should've married me instead."
10. "Sick hubby + two sick kids = no fun for mom."
"I may or may not be completely losing my mind, so I'd better lay the groundwork so I have an excuse to be a complete witch to anyone I encounter this week. If you run into me and I'm either really mean or sound crazy, it's because I'm truly at my wits' end. Please just ignore me, or offer to buy me a drink."
What other Facebook status updates do you think have another meaning behind them?