how to help them heal

[awelch75]

Im a step mom.i treat them as mibe they call me mommy. The divorce of their bio parents was bad the bio mom is a drug addict who lets her bf slap them down,the oldest cries if you get on to her at all.legal means taken but what can I do as a mom to help them feel safe here.

[othermom]

It will take time and maybe counsling

[Elyssa414]

Make sure that they know they can talk to you, and that it's okay to have all kinds of feelings- they may be angry at their mom, but they may also love and miss her. It's very confusing! Stress that their mom is a good person who loves them and is making poor choices right now- kids tend to take on responsibility for their parents, so they need to know that they didn't come from a terrible human being, (even if they did). Just that she's not well and not able to make safe choices for them, but she loves them and wants them to be safe and happy which is why they are with you- a Mommy who can make good choices for them. (thats kind of how I explain my son's birthmom to him)...

[Bradensmommy719]

I agree with ^^^ it will take time but let them know you are there to listen and not judge what they have to say

[hfaddis]

I think Elyssa hit the nail on the head! I most definitely couldn't have said it any better!

[slw123]

Just be patient and be there for them. 

[sweetpea1269]

I couldn't have said it better myself or agree any more with this!

Quoting Elyssa414:

Make sure that they know they can talk to you, and that it's okay to have all kinds of feelings- they may be angry at their mom, but they may also love and miss her. It's very confusing! Stress that their mom is a good person who loves them and is making poor choices right now- kids tend to take on responsibility for their parents, so they need to know that they didn't come from a terrible human being, (even if they did). Just that she's not well and not able to make safe choices for them, but she loves them and wants them to be safe and happy which is why they are with you- a Mommy who can make good choices for them. (thats kind of how I explain my son's birthmom to him)...

[Jukebox_Jenny]

Very well said. I agree.

Quoting Elyssa414:

Make sure that they know they can talk to you, and that it's okay to have all kinds of feelings- they may be angry at their mom, but they may also love and miss her. It's very confusing! Stress that their mom is a good person who loves them and is making poor choices right now- kids tend to take on responsibility for their parents, so they need to know that they didn't come from a terrible human being, (even if they did). Just that she's not well and not able to make safe choices for them, but she loves them and wants them to be safe and happy which is why they are with you- a Mommy who can make good choices for them. (thats kind of how I explain my son's birthmom to him)...

[midnghtsprnkle]

[nlonnon]

Well said. They are lucky to have you.

Quoting Elyssa414:

Make sure that they know they can talk to you, and that it's okay to have all kinds of feelings- they may be angry at their mom, but they may also love and miss her. It's very confusing! Stress that their mom is a good person who loves them and is making poor choices right now- kids tend to take on responsibility for their parents, so they need to know that they didn't come from a terrible human being, (even if they did). Just that she's not well and not able to make safe choices for them, but she loves them and wants them to be safe and happy which is why they are with you- a Mommy who can make good choices for them. (thats kind of how I explain my son's birthmom to him)...

[LifeCafe42]

counseling would be benificial let them come to you but be there with open arms and ears for them