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how to help them heal

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Im a step mom.i treat them as mibe they call me mommy. The divorce of their bio parents was bad the bio mom is a drug addict who lets her bf slap them down,the oldest cries if you get on to her at all.legal means taken but what can I do as a mom to help them feel safe here.
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by on Jun. 23, 2012 at 1:08 PM
Replies (11-20):
Leelee1008
by Alicia on Jun. 23, 2012 at 10:54 PM

are they in counselling? are you in counselling as a family? honest it will take time for them to come around. when a child or children deal with that kind of abuse it just takes time. Try having one on one time doing things they like to do. show alot of love and affection towards them as well. and let them know you are there for them and they can talk to you about anything.

carynleigh
by Member on Jun. 23, 2012 at 11:00 PM

The most important thing is to just be there--be stable, be loving, be strong.  Let them know non verbally that you are not their mom or her boyfriend.  I'm not saying that you should let them run wild--that's part of being stable and loving.  Just let them learn that correction doesn't have to come with a slap, physically or emotionaly.  Don't push yourself on them, but be available.

Sophie4910
by on Jun. 23, 2012 at 11:04 PM
I agree too!

Quoting Elyssa414:

Make sure that they know they can talk to you, and that it's okay to have all kinds of feelings- they may be angry at their mom, but they may also love and miss her. It's very confusing! Stress that their mom is a good person who loves them and is making poor choices right now- kids tend to take on responsibility for their parents, so they need to know that they didn't come from a terrible human being, (even if they did). Just that she's not well and not able to make safe choices for them, but she loves them and wants them to be safe and happy which is why they are with you- a Mommy who can make good choices for them. (thats kind of how I explain my son's birthmom to him)...
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awelch75
by on Jun. 24, 2012 at 9:30 AM
I been looking into couseling but wasnt sure yet so thanks for helping reassure me I never bad mouth the mother I, just let them know when things she done arent how we would do them.she caalls them names I tell them they r exactly how God wanted them to be.thanks again guys.
lil_mama06
by Brian's Lil Vixen on Jun. 24, 2012 at 11:44 AM

HUGS momma...

critter_boo
by Sarah on Jun. 24, 2012 at 3:01 PM
Shes got it stay strong momma


Quoting Elyssa414:

Make sure that they know they can talk to you, and that it's okay to have all kinds of feelings- they may be angry at their mom, but they may also love and miss her. It's very confusing! Stress that their mom is a good person who loves them and is making poor choices right now- kids tend to take on responsibility for their parents, so they need to know that they didn't come from a terrible human being, (even if they did). Just that she's not well and not able to make safe choices for them, but she loves them and wants them to be safe and happy which is why they are with you- a Mommy who can make good choices for them. (thats kind of how I explain my son's birthmom to him)...

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aneela
by 80sTardisGirl4Gore on Jun. 25, 2012 at 12:42 PM

so glad u r willing to help them and accept them...give them all the love you can...listen to them...and get help for them if they need it

awelch75
by on Jun. 25, 2012 at 1:08 PM
I told my husband from day one I would treat them like mine and I meant it.its hard cuz they are so damaged but im doing my best.its nice to have your support thank you so much
RutterMama
by Silver Member on Jun. 25, 2012 at 2:35 PM

Just love on them. Still have rules and discipline, but love love love on them.

teesoloca
by on Jul. 16, 2012 at 12:01 AM

 keep yelling and screaming completely out of it

talk calmly and inviting

show that words and communication can solve problems and not violence.

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