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Is any mom's on here.....

Posted by on Jul. 9, 2012 at 5:03 PM
  • 24 Replies
Step-mom's?
In a couple years, I'm going to become a 'step-mom' & I'm really happy! :)
Can any-one give me info & advice?
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by on Jul. 9, 2012 at 5:03 PM
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Replies (1-10):
lizzig
by Ruby Member on Jul. 9, 2012 at 5:11 PM

 congrats!

i'm not a step mom now but when i was with my ex he had two children.  the only advice i have is, if possible, try to remain on good terms with the other mom.  if not try not to get involved in their drama.

my ex had two baby mamas (his oldest was from a one night stand in high school, his youngest was from his ex wife).  i got along great with the mom of his oldest.  we'd take the kids trick or treating together, to chuck e cheese, etc.  his ex wife though was psycho & he wouldn't let me anywhere near her.  i heard many horror stories about her not only from my ex & his family but from his oldest son's mom.  for my sanity & safety he kept me far away from her when we were together.

Gabbysmom615
by Kira on Jul. 9, 2012 at 5:13 PM

 nope

mommaFruFru
by Bronze Member on Jul. 9, 2012 at 5:16 PM
Yes and no. I have a 13yo sdd. But due to her threatning our other chikdren we both decided shes not allowed in our home
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midnghtsprnkle
by on Jul. 9, 2012 at 5:16 PM

no

mom2jessnky
by on Jul. 9, 2012 at 5:31 PM
3 moms liked this

No, but I had a step-mom (she passed away last May :( ) and she was AWESOME. She was my person. It kills me that I can't call her up when I need her anymore.

All the things she did right.

1. They aren't your step-kids or "HIS" kids. They're your kids. We were HER kids. Every single one of us (she got 3 kids in the marriage!) were treated equally. She parented us like we were her's too.

2. Don't get all weird and dramafied with the bio-mom. My mom and my step mom 100% respected each other and worked with each other. If you two can't get along, don't engage with her, leave that to him.

3. NEVER EVER under any circumstances EVER talk badly about those kids' mom. I don't care if she IS satan, you come here (to CM) and bitch to us, you never utter a word about her where those kids can see or hear it.   Quickest way to make a kid hate you, talk crap about their mom. Even today, I know my mom makes bad choices but if you say anything about it I'll deck you.

4. Get hands on, parent them. If they do something wrong, punish them. Don't pass the buck on dad when he shows up. You'll be tested on this one fairly quickly I imagine.

5. Don't worry if your MIL compares you to her. Happened to my step-mom, she just smiled and nodded. There's a reason she's the ex, just remember that.

Go to iVillage.com, look up the Step vs Bio Debate board, read some topics and never act like those women. I hate to even call them women. I went to that board ONE time, I called my moms and thanked them both for not being like that afterward. That board should be renamed "How NOT to parent"

powow65
by kimmy on Jul. 9, 2012 at 6:21 PM
Omg! Tyvm for that info.
I love my SO's older kids! (ps, I do 'bite my tonuge' when the 'bio' is around. She is a 'piece of work' in the NICEST way to say it!)
Sadly I can't be 'friends' with the 'bio' (she's into drugs & I don't believe in that.) BUT I CAN be 'quiet' & 'respectful' to the 'bio mom'. Let's just say very kindly, 'the bio' STILL wants to bag my SO's bones (the older kids father.)
I'd love to be a great step-mom! :)
My SO said to me, "just be they're friend."
Do you believe that? To be 'only a friend' & a 'step pArent'?


Quoting mom2jessnky:

No, but I had a step-mom (she passed away last May :( ) and she was AWESOME. She was my person. It kills me that I can't call her up when I need her anymore.

All the things she did right.

1. They aren't your step-kids or "HIS" kids. They're your kids. We were HER kids. Every single one of us (she got 3 kids in the marriage!) were treated equally. She parented us like we were her's too.

2. Don't get all weird and dramafied with the bio-mom. My mom and my step mom 100% respected each other and worked with each other. If you two can't get along, don't engage with her, leave that to him.

3. NEVER EVER under any circumstances EVER talk badly about those kids' mom. I don't care if she IS satan, you come here (to CM) and bitch to us, you never utter a word about her where those kids can see or hear it.   Quickest way to make a kid hate you, talk crap about their mom. Even today, I know my mom makes bad choices but if you say anything about it I'll deck you.

4. Get hands on, parent them. If they do something wrong, punish them. Don't pass the buck on dad when he shows up. You'll be tested on this one fairly quickly I imagine.

5. Don't worry if your MIL compares you to her. Happened to my step-mom, she just smiled and nodded. There's a reason she's the ex, just remember that.

Go to iVillage.com, look up the Step vs Bio Debate board, read some topics and never act like those women. I hate to even call them women. I went to that board ONE time, I called my moms and thanked them both for not being like that afterward. That board should be renamed "How NOT to parent"

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powow65
by kimmy on Jul. 9, 2012 at 6:21 PM
Tyvm for the info Hun. :)

Quoting lizzig:

 congrats!


i'm not a step mom now but when i was with my ex he had two children.  the only advice i have is, if possible, try to remain on good terms with the other mom.  if not try not to get involved in their drama.


my ex had two baby mamas (his oldest was from a one night stand in high school, his youngest was from his ex wife).  i got along great with the mom of his oldest.  we'd take the kids trick or treating together, to chuck e cheese, etc.  his ex wife though was psycho & he wouldn't let me anywhere near her.  i heard many horror stories about her not only from my ex & his family but from his oldest son's mom.  for my sanity & safety he kept me far away from her when we were together.

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elasmimi
by Ruby Member on Jul. 9, 2012 at 6:37 PM

My ss is grown now, and wonderful, we are so proud of him. But I was a terrible stepmother, mainly because he was a brat and was really mean to my son. So I have no advice for you.

angieluvsolivia
by Angie on Jul. 9, 2012 at 6:54 PM

 Great advice!  I'm not a SM and don't have a SM but, this really seems like the way to go! 

Quoting mom2jessnky:

No, but I had a step-mom (she passed away last May :( ) and she was AWESOME. She was my person. It kills me that I can't call her up when I need her anymore.

All the things she did right.

1. They aren't your step-kids or "HIS" kids. They're your kids. We were HER kids. Every single one of us (she got 3 kids in the marriage!) were treated equally. She parented us like we were her's too.

2. Don't get all weird and dramafied with the bio-mom. My mom and my step mom 100% respected each other and worked with each other. If you two can't get along, don't engage with her, leave that to him.

3. NEVER EVER under any circumstances EVER talk badly about those kids' mom. I don't care if she IS satan, you come here (to CM) and bitch to us, you never utter a word about her where those kids can see or hear it.   Quickest way to make a kid hate you, talk crap about their mom. Even today, I know my mom makes bad choices but if you say anything about it I'll deck you.

4. Get hands on, parent them. If they do something wrong, punish them. Don't pass the buck on dad when he shows up. You'll be tested on this one fairly quickly I imagine.

5. Don't worry if your MIL compares you to her. Happened to my step-mom, she just smiled and nodded. There's a reason she's the ex, just remember that.

Go to iVillage.com, look up the Step vs Bio Debate board, read some topics and never act like those women. I hate to even call them women. I went to that board ONE time, I called my moms and thanked them both for not being like that afterward. That board should be renamed "How NOT to parent"

 

BeachMommy07
by on Jul. 9, 2012 at 7:05 PM

Sorry, no help!

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