is it really so hard?

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 yesterday was my son's 5th birthday & other than my mom who is down visiting non of my family called to wish him a happy birthday let alone send him a card or gift.  it's not the first time it's happened to my kids so it doesn't surprise me just irratates the heck out of me.

i'm the youngest of 6, my two children are the youngest of the grandkids & are even younger than some of the great grandkids.  in total there are 20 grandkids.  i don't buy presents for all of them, once they're out of high school they get a card or happy birthday phone call, but i do acknowledge their birthdays, as i do for my siblings.  (i admit i don't remember all my bil's & sil's b-days ;o)  yet my kids don't get the same.  i'm used to the "out of site out of mind" b.s. i've always been overlooked when it comes to many things in my family & that's fine for me, less drama, but it does bother the kids, especially my oldest, that their aunts, uncles, cousins rarely wish them a happy birthday.  it also bothers here they all spell her name wrong but that's another vent.

one of my sisters called last night to talk to my mom about some neighbor drama of hers.  i heard my mom mention my son's birthday to her yet even then she couldn't take 2 minutes to say happy birthday to him.  my daughter is having her birthday party tomorrow (her b-day is 8/22 & i like to have the party before school starts & while my mom is here to help out) & my son will be getting some presents from some of her friends because a couple always bring a birthday present for him when they come to her party.  yesterday was my first day back at work & some of the teachers remembered it was my son's birthday & told me to give him birthday hugs from them.

i just don't get why it's so hard for my family to call & say happy birthday to my kids!  yet if i don't call, send a card or gift they all think i'm upset about something!  uhg family!!!

by on Aug. 3, 2012 at 8:25 AM
Replies (11-20):
suziejax
by Platinum Member on Aug. 3, 2012 at 10:26 AM

its that way in my family :(

lizzig
by Ruby Member on Aug. 3, 2012 at 1:59 PM

 thanks!  you're so sweet!  i had a pretty crappy relationship with my family growing up too.  being so much younger than my siblings i as often excluded/forgotten, treated as a little child even as a teen & young adult.  in fact wasn't till i had my daughter at 28 that i was finally treated as an adult.  sad huh?  i was just hoping my little ones wouldn't have to be party to such inconsiderations.  after all aren't we supposed to mature as we age? 

Quoting SarahSuzyQ:

My dad's family growing up was very thoughtless and hurtful, and as a child I was hurt over and over by their words and actions. My mom tried to explain to me, but of course I couldn't understand. I definitely sympathize with you and with your kids.

As an adult, I don't really have any kind of relationship with them. And I don't miss it. They saw me pulling away and chose not to try and make any changes. Perhaps if the same happens, your family will try to reach out and remedy things with your kids. Otherwise it's their decision and their loss to not have a relationship with your kids -- who always sound really great from the stories you tell about them. :(

I'm sorry, momma. As someone who lived through bad family relationships as a child, there isn't much you can do to fix it. You can just keep letting your kids know that they are worth more and that you love them.

Quoting lizzig:

 my husband's family is in mexico, has never met me or the children & don't send gifts of any kind nor birthday or holiday wishes.

i know i don't need them in my life, which is why i moved out of state, but my kids are 5 & going on 9 so young enough where it upsets them & don't know how to get over it yet.  it makes it harder for them too when we go shopping for their cousins presents & call them on their birthdays to say happy birthday but they don't get the same for their birthdays.  & unlike my siblings i can't "forget" my nieces & nephews birthdays, just not my nature.

Quoting SarahSuzyQ:

It's so frustrating to see people hurt your kids in this way and not even care... :( I think the thing is, and I'm not trying to disrespect your family, but you really DON'T need people in your life who treat you like this. Hopefully you can help your kids realize that it's not worth it, and not get sucked into it over time. Easier said than done when they are little, though.

Does your DH's family call/send gifts/make an effort?

 

 

 

lizzig
by Ruby Member on Aug. 3, 2012 at 2:05 PM

 i know how that is.  my oldest sister was the only to see my daughter in her first year.  she lives about 4 hours away & wanted to be there for me when i went into labor.  we called when the labor started getting intense & she got to the hospital just after i had her.  the rest of my family didn't see her till she was 11m when we made the trip to them.  they always make comments about me not coming up to visit them yet make no effort to visit me.  they all have older kids & it was much easier for them to visit me when my kids were little than for me to pack up two little ones for a 12+ hour drive.  non of them could see that logic though.  i moved away 12 years ago & have only been back 4 times (weddings & funerals).

Quoting lyrick24:

 i know where youre coming from . my family does not acknowledge my kids or my grandkids birthdays but they do all the others.  my kids have gotten used to it and grew up that way and my grandkids hardly know them so they dont know the difference. they didnt even come to the hospital when they were born. so i have seperated myself from them and dont have anything to do with my family anymore. my husbands side of the family is different so they have them thank goodness.

 

bwsmommy
by Platinum Member on Aug. 3, 2012 at 2:11 PM

=( hugs mama ..

wingsfan1234
by Bronze Member on Aug. 3, 2012 at 2:16 PM
Omg I spelt my lilyan's name the same way and get it spelt all sorts of ways!!

Quoting lizzig:

 well it's more of how the kids feel but i haven't said anything to them.  i know it'll fall on deaf ears.  i've brought up the whole misspelling of my daughter's name before & i've gotten flippant shrugs & even "i like it spelled better this way".  excuse me?  you just don't change the spelling of someones name because you like another way better!


my daughter's name is lilyan by the way & my family spells it every other way except the way we spell it.


Quoting Rain2Rinse:

Im really not sure. Sometimes with larger families, it is just more difticult. Especially if you arent making a concentrated effort.

Have you told them how you feel?

 

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lizzig
by Ruby Member on Aug. 3, 2012 at 2:20 PM

 your lilyan makes the second one, other than my daughter of course, we know that spells it that way.  we just thought it looked pretty & figured if it became a popular name, like it has since she was born, she's still be unique.  i just don't get why it's so hard to spell.  it's not that unusual.  the receptionist at her first pediatrician even had a hard time pronouncing it which i just had to shake my head at.

Quoting wingsfan1234:

Omg I spelt my lilyan's name the same way and get it spelt all sorts of ways!!

Quoting lizzig:

 well it's more of how the kids feel but i haven't said anything to them.  i know it'll fall on deaf ears.  i've brought up the whole misspelling of my daughter's name before & i've gotten flippant shrugs & even "i like it spelled better this way".  excuse me?  you just don't change the spelling of someones name because you like another way better!


my daughter's name is lilyan by the way & my family spells it every other way except the way we spell it.


Quoting Rain2Rinse:

Im really not sure. Sometimes with larger families, it is just more difticult. Especially if you arent making a concentrated effort.

Have you told them how you feel?

 

 

angieluvsolivia
by Angie on Aug. 3, 2012 at 3:00 PM

I'm sorry momma.  My family is great about it but, dh's sucks.  We rarely see them, maybe once a year for Thanksgiving or Christmas.  They never call, luckily my kids haven't noticed yet.

lizzig
by Ruby Member on Aug. 3, 2012 at 5:42 PM

 

Quoting angieluvsolivia:

I'm sorry momma.  My family is great about it but, dh's sucks.  We rarely see them, maybe once a year for Thanksgiving or Christmas.  They never call, luckily my kids haven't noticed yet.

 that's the part that gets to me.  when it was just me i didn't care that i rarely heard from my family.  & if they had never called with birthday wishes or sent presents my kids wouldn't know any different.  it's only the last few years that they've started "forgetting" & since my daughter is turning 9 she notices it.  luckily my son doesn't since he just turned 5 & the last time they sent him anything was when he was 3.

suroundedbyboys
by Bronze Member on Aug. 3, 2012 at 5:53 PM
My dads mom ie my grandma spelled my name with an e instead of an i for years, as in Tesha, and she pronounced it that way too. I never said anything, just always wrote my name correctly at some point she switched to the right spelling and pronunciation idk when. Anyways, I wouldn't stress over the birthday thing, just do what you do with whatever family is around and friends and don't stress about the rest. I use to get really upset about the way my inlaws play favorites with sil's kids, then I decided it wasn't worth my time to worry about them and honestly I've been a lot happier since. I don't expect anything from them so I'm never disappointed, just slightly irritated with their behavior, I then remind myself I am a better person and my family is a better family and all is right in my world :)
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angieluvsolivia
by Angie on Aug. 3, 2012 at 7:05 PM

That's so sad :(  Again I'm sorry....

Quoting lizzig:

 

Quoting angieluvsolivia:

I'm sorry momma.  My family is great about it but, dh's sucks.  We rarely see them, maybe once a year for Thanksgiving or Christmas.  They never call, luckily my kids haven't noticed yet.

 that's the part that gets to me.  when it was just me i didn't care that i rarely heard from my family.  & if they had never called with birthday wishes or sent presents my kids wouldn't know any different.  it's only the last few years that they've started "forgetting" & since my daughter is turning 9 she notices it.  luckily my son doesn't since he just turned 5 & the last time they sent him anything was when he was 3.

 

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