So my friend was over last night, our car is broke down so she has been helping us out with rides. Her kids were at their fathers for the night so she decided to hang out with me and my kids. My boys are 11 & 9 and while they pretty much know that Santa and the easter bunny and other mythical charactures are not real my 9 year old still likes to hold on to it and play along. I never sat down with them and said NO its not real I was not raised that way. When I made the great discovery I never had a talk with my family about it, we all just played along. I also would NEVER tell anyone elses kids that he wasnt real either, its not my place. Well my friend was here and she sat there and told my kids He isnt real and went on and on. I just said well then I guess someone wont be getting anything for xmas then. This is the same friend that asked her son if he had hair on his balls. Yeah shes not all there. I couldnt believe she did that to my kids. Granted no he isnt real but Thanks for Killing the magic for my kids. I got up and walked away I was mad. Now some of you are probably going to say im stupid for getting mad about that. and if so kindly Do not comment on this post. But Do you think its right for another person to point blank tell your kids the turth about that stuff or do you think its right for the parents to handle it the way they want?
We do the elf on the shelf here as well. She doesnt really know about him or else she would have stomped on that one too.
Quoting mom2jessnky:
Just like it's not our place to say that the elf on the shelf is BS (we don't do it but I know tons of people that do), Santa isn't real, the tooth fairy is mom and the Easter bunny is made up. You're allowed to put your own kids in therapy, but you're not allowed to do it to other people's kids.
Quoting ethans_momma06:Honestly, I think it's more awkward for society to be forced to continue on with something that you've introduced to your children that you know is a lie.
I mean, think about that. Essentially you're upset that she told you kids the truth. I get not being excited about it, since it's a fun little game, but really... it's not like they were going to believe it forever.
Now, IMO there's a difference between how it's handled. I think if she came over with the intent to tell them that, knowing that they actually beleive it... that's pretty wrong because she's directly going against you. And that's not okay no matter what the topic is. But if it was incidental conversation that just cropped up... well, I certainly don't think she should be vilified for it.
Personally, I try to avoid all that awkwardness. However if a child asks, I'm not going to lie to them, whether that pisses the family off or not.
Yeah I asked her what was wrong with her. Her oldest son is almost 13, he was so embarrassed. I told him do not answer that. She is one of those people who have diarrhea of the mouth, she just says the most horrible things at times and most of it is towards her kids.
Quoting VintageWife:I'm still stuck on the fact she asks her kids if they have hair on their genitals o_O
Quoting mom2jessnky:I disagree. It's not her place to tell, no matter what. If a kid brings it up to you "Is Santa real?" deflect it back to them "What do you think?" and then smile, nod, and send them on their merry little way. They're kids, they believe all kinds of stuff that is BS.
example... my old neighbors, their kids thought the dad was AWESOME, best daddy EVER.
While the dad was deployed he ignored his kids birthdays. He knew when they were, he just didn't care. So the mom went and got flowers and a stuffed animal for the daughter's birthday, signed the note 'from Daddy' (found a guy to do it) and had it delivered to her classroom from Daddy. (the idea she got from another neighbor because she didn't want dad to look like an asshole to his kids, even though he is one).
So based off your thinking, when that little girl came up to me and said "Look at the flowers my daddy sent me!!" I should have said 'your dad doesn't care about your birthday, your mom got those for you so he wouldn't look like a tool" Oh PLEASE. That's not what I'm saying at all. That kid is not asking you if her daddy got them for her. Bogus example.
Effectively crushing that kid's spirit and causing a ton of drama too? And I edited this because I wanted to add this- How about we not build up our kids spirit on falsehoods? Eventually the truth always comes out and then the result is what?
What I did and it's just as good was said how pretty the flowers were. No need to bring the parents into it, and I wasn't lying. She'll figure out eventually that the sun doesn't shine out of her dad's ass. I don't need to rush the process, no one does. It's not our place.
Just like it's not our place to say that the elf on the shelf is BS (we don't do it but I know tons of people that do), Santa isn't real, the tooth fairy is mom and the Easter bunny is made up. You're allowed to put your own kids in therapy, but you're not allowed to do it to other people's kids. I don't think NOT LYING is going to put any ones kids in therapy. The fact that their parent lied to them and they found out about it... now that, that could send someone to therapy.
Imagine for a second in the example above, that the little girl goes 'Lookit what my daddy got me! Lookit what my Daddy got me!' but you saw the MOM buy it, and didn't know she had said that the daddy gave it. You love the mom and want to make sure credit is given where credit is due so you go 'Oh sweetheart, no your mom got that for you, isn't that wonderful?'
Or should that person be equally vilified? After all, it's certainly not your BUSINESS.
A lie is a lie is a lie. Even the white ones. If you lie, that's fine- whatever. But don't hate the people who aren't going along with it. If they're not going along with it BECAUSE they WANT to be a douche than the issue there isn't that they told the truth but because they were intentionally nasty.
I'm not saying don't deflect, I'm not saying to try not to be respectful. The reason people are upset when they find out about stuff like Santa is because something they loved turned out to be a lie. They aren't upset because somebody TOLD them the truth. Think about that. You can't expect people to lie for you. That's wrong too.
Honestly, I think it's more awkward for society to be forced to continue on with something that you've introduced to your children that you know is a lie.
I mean, think about that. Essentially you're upset that she told you kids the truth. I get not being excited about it, since it's a fun little game, but really... it's not like they were going to believe it forever.
Now, IMO there's a difference between how it's handled. I think if she came over with the intent to tell them that, knowing that they actually beleive it... that's pretty wrong because she's directly going against you. And that's not okay no matter what the topic is. But if it was incidental conversation that just cropped up... well, I certainly don't think she should be vilified for it.
Personally, I try to avoid all that awkwardness. However if a child asks, I'm not going to lie to them, whether that pisses the family off or not.
I don't expect people to lie for me, because I don't lie (too much shit to keep up with if you start). BUT it's not my place to go blowing things for kids that aren't mine.
It's not your problem if a kid believes in Santa, ignore the question, That's what I'm saying, "bogus" example or not. You don't need to be mean to little kids. And blowing Santa, the Tooth Fairy, how awesome dad is, w/e to a kid IS mean. No kid deserves to be picked on by an adult because their parents chose to go the Santa route.
Quoting ethans_momma06:
Quoting mom2jessnky:I disagree. It's not her place to tell, no matter what. If a kid brings it up to you "Is Santa real?" deflect it back to them "What do you think?" and then smile, nod, and send them on their merry little way. They're kids, they believe all kinds of stuff that is BS.
example... my old neighbors, their kids thought the dad was AWESOME, best daddy EVER.
While the dad was deployed he ignored his kids birthdays. He knew when they were, he just didn't care. So the mom went and got flowers and a stuffed animal for the daughter's birthday, signed the note 'from Daddy' (found a guy to do it) and had it delivered to her classroom from Daddy. (the idea she got from another neighbor because she didn't want dad to look like an asshole to his kids, even though he is one).
So based off your thinking, when that little girl came up to me and said "Look at the flowers my daddy sent me!!" I should have said 'your dad doesn't care about your birthday, your mom got those for you so he wouldn't look like a tool" Oh PLEASE. That's not what I'm saying at all. That kid is not asking you if her daddy got them for her. Bogus example.
Effectively crushing that kid's spirit and causing a ton of drama too? And I edited this because I wanted to add this- How about we not build up our kids spirit on falsehoods? Eventually the truth always comes out and then the result is what?
What I did and it's just as good was said how pretty the flowers were. No need to bring the parents into it, and I wasn't lying. She'll figure out eventually that the sun doesn't shine out of her dad's ass. I don't need to rush the process, no one does. It's not our place.
Just like it's not our place to say that the elf on the shelf is BS (we don't do it but I know tons of people that do), Santa isn't real, the tooth fairy is mom and the Easter bunny is made up. You're allowed to put your own kids in therapy, but you're not allowed to do it to other people's kids. I don't think NOT LYING is going to put any ones kids in therapy. The fact that their parent lied to them and they found out about it... now that, that could send someone to therapy.
Imagine for a second in the example above, that the little girl goes 'Lookit what my daddy got me! Lookit what my Daddy got me!' but you saw the MOM buy it, and didn't know she had said that the daddy gave it. You love the mom and want to make sure credit is given where credit is due so you go 'Oh sweetheart, no your mom got that for you, isn't that wonderful?'
Or should that person be equally vilified? After all, it's certainly not your BUSINESS.
A lie is a lie is a lie. Even the white ones. If you lie, that's fine- whatever. But don't hate the people who aren't going along with it. If they're not going along with it BECAUSE they WANT to be a douche than the issue there isn't that they told the truth but because they were intentionally nasty.
I'm not saying don't deflect, I'm not saying to try not to be respectful. The reason people are upset when they find out about stuff like Santa is because something they loved turned out to be a lie. They aren't upset because somebody TOLD them the truth. Think about that. You can't expect people to lie for you. That's wrong too.
Honestly, I think it's more awkward for society to be forced to continue on with something that you've introduced to your children that you know is a lie.
I mean, think about that. Essentially you're upset that she told you kids the truth. I get not being excited about it, since it's a fun little game, but really... it's not like they were going to believe it forever.
Now, IMO there's a difference between how it's handled. I think if she came over with the intent to tell them that, knowing that they actually beleive it... that's pretty wrong because she's directly going against you. And that's not okay no matter what the topic is. But if it was incidental conversation that just cropped up... well, I certainly don't think she should be vilified for it.
Personally, I try to avoid all that awkwardness. However if a child asks, I'm not going to lie to them, whether that pisses the family off or not.
Quoting mom2jessnky:I don't expect people to lie for me, because I don't lie (too much shit to keep up with if you start). BUT it's not my place to go blowing things for kids that aren't mine.
It's not your problem if a kid believes in Santa, ignore the question, That's what I'm saying, "bogus" example or not. You don't need to be mean to little kids. And blowing Santa, the Tooth Fairy, how awesome dad is, w/e to a kid IS mean. No kid deserves to be picked on by an adult because their parents chose to go the Santa route.
It's like you haven't read my replies at all! Again, I've said I don't think it's a big deal to deflect. I don't think someone should be forced to deflect, and I don't think if handled appropriately it's 'mean'. Picking on a kid is a hellov a lot different than saying that Santa isn't real.
As I have said before- if they're doing it to be a jerk, then they are a jerk and the problem is that they are a jerk- and not that they spilled the beans.
However, if it cropped up and they simply didn't want to lie about it, and weren't attempting to hurt people, or were directly asked, etc. than no. I don't think it's wrong at all for them to say the reality of the matter. If you don't want your kids to be crushed by something like that, and you don't want other people to be able to inadvertantly crush your kids feelings- DON'T LIE TO THEM.
Quoting ethans_momma06:
Quoting mom2jessnky:I disagree. It's not her place to tell, no matter what. If a kid brings it up to you "Is Santa real?" deflect it back to them "What do you think?" and then smile, nod, and send them on their merry little way. They're kids, they believe all kinds of stuff that is BS.
example... my old neighbors, their kids thought the dad was AWESOME, best daddy EVER.
While the dad was deployed he ignored his kids birthdays. He knew when they were, he just didn't care. So the mom went and got flowers and a stuffed animal for the daughter's birthday, signed the note 'from Daddy' (found a guy to do it) and had it delivered to her classroom from Daddy. (the idea she got from another neighbor because she didn't want dad to look like an asshole to his kids, even though he is one).
So based off your thinking, when that little girl came up to me and said "Look at the flowers my daddy sent me!!" I should have said 'your dad doesn't care about your birthday, your mom got those for you so he wouldn't look like a tool" Oh PLEASE. That's not what I'm saying at all. That kid is not asking you if her daddy got them for her. Bogus example.
Effectively crushing that kid's spirit and causing a ton of drama too? And I edited this because I wanted to add this- How about we not build up our kids spirit on falsehoods? Eventually the truth always comes out and then the result is what?
What I did and it's just as good was said how pretty the flowers were. No need to bring the parents into it, and I wasn't lying. She'll figure out eventually that the sun doesn't shine out of her dad's ass. I don't need to rush the process, no one does. It's not our place.
Just like it's not our place to say that the elf on the shelf is BS (we don't do it but I know tons of people that do), Santa isn't real, the tooth fairy is mom and the Easter bunny is made up. You're allowed to put your own kids in therapy, but you're not allowed to do it to other people's kids. I don't think NOT LYING is going to put any ones kids in therapy. The fact that their parent lied to them and they found out about it... now that, that could send someone to therapy.
Imagine for a second in the example above, that the little girl goes 'Lookit what my daddy got me! Lookit what my Daddy got me!' but you saw the MOM buy it, and didn't know she had said that the daddy gave it. You love the mom and want to make sure credit is given where credit is due so you go 'Oh sweetheart, no your mom got that for you, isn't that wonderful?'
Or should that person be equally vilified? After all, it's certainly not your BUSINESS.
A lie is a lie is a lie. Even the white ones. If you lie, that's fine- whatever. But don't hate the people who aren't going along with it. If they're not going along with it BECAUSE they WANT to be a douche than the issue there isn't that they told the truth but because they were intentionally nasty.
I'm not saying don't deflect, I'm not saying to try not to be respectful. The reason people are upset when they find out about stuff like Santa is because something they loved turned out to be a lie. They aren't upset because somebody TOLD them the truth. Think about that. You can't expect people to lie for you. That's wrong too.
Honestly, I think it's more awkward for society to be forced to continue on with something that you've introduced to your children that you know is a lie.
I mean, think about that. Essentially you're upset that she told you kids the truth. I get not being excited about it, since it's a fun little game, but really... it's not like they were going to believe it forever.
Now, IMO there's a difference between how it's handled. I think if she came over with the intent to tell them that, knowing that they actually beleive it... that's pretty wrong because she's directly going against you. And that's not okay no matter what the topic is. But if it was incidental conversation that just cropped up... well, I certainly don't think she should be vilified for it.
Personally, I try to avoid all that awkwardness. However if a child asks, I'm not going to lie to them, whether that pisses the family off or not.
Smarter Family: Delicious Deserts
- Leelee1008
on Aug. 12, 2012 at 3:02 PM