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Smarter Mom: Talking about hard things

Posted by on Nov. 28, 2012 at 12:00 AM
  • 31 Replies

In my neck of the woods, a lot of people are suffering. The hurricane wiped out homes, towns, lives. Granted, things like this have happened almost everywhere in every corner of the world. Yet, this is my kiddo's world, and explaining to her what has happened is on my plate lately. Mix in a few questions about God and Heaven, and this mom is dealing with some heavy and hard topics lately. 

Maybe you have been dealing with hard convos yourself lately...maybe not, but at some point, you think you may...how do you wade into those discussions? Such a good question, and there is no right answer, but here are some to try.

 -- Use books. Check to see if there are some books, with favorite characters or not, that deal with whatever it is you are handling. Best bet is: there will be. It helps kids to read and think about a situation if someone else is going through it.

-- Listen and agree, but follow up. Sometimes all kids need is for you to hear their fears, listen to their thoughts, and agree that is can be scary. But then it is up to you to take it one step further and provide that secure "It will be okay, but it may take time and be different, but still okay" element to the conversation.

-- Be prepared to say I don't know...and share what you do know. Sometimes, these hard things bring up issues and topics that you don't know all the answers about. Tell your kids you don't know, but remind them of the things you do know (they are safe, you are there for them, tomorrow they will go to school). Remembering all of the known things makes those large unknown, perhaps uncertain parts of life more tolerable.

Have you talked about "hard things" with your kids? Share how it went!

©iStockphoto.com/ RTimages

by on Nov. 28, 2012 at 12:00 AM
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Replies (1-10):
momofsixangels
by Colleen on Nov. 28, 2012 at 12:08 AM

 Yes especially this year.Its been a hard year we have gone through a lot.The kids asked a few questions but they didnt appear to let it get them down

MixedCooke
by Silver Member on Nov. 28, 2012 at 12:39 AM

well so far about period, miscarriage, death of a pet, divorce, weight issues and difference between boys and girls.  I dont like to sugar coat things too much but I still want to maintain her innocence.

GaleJ
by on Nov. 28, 2012 at 1:40 AM

My son, who is twenty-two and an EMT, spent two-and-a-half weeks in New York and New Jersey as part of the FEMA team during and after the storm. I bring this up because I honestly believe that the reason he does the work he does, does it so well, and is willing to volunteer in such situations is substantially because of the extreme influence of the events of 911 on him. 

We live in Chicago and except for the father of one of the families at our school being right there at the Towers that day we had no direct connection. That man was okay, he was supposed to have a meeting later in the day in one of the Towers but was still at the hotel on the site at the time of the attack.

At that time we, both our immediate family and our Montessori school family, tried to offer all the children reassurance that as the OP put it, it would be okay, different, but okay. It was very hard and while the children were amazing in their understanding, empathy, and sense of hope, I did worry about whether we were doing a good job in answering their questions and dealing with their concerns and fears.

For some reason my son was particularly affected and I honestly believe that his experience of that is why he choose to do the work he does. He saw it as a reason to do something that can help people in a concrete way, that's the message he took away from all that happened.

So have faith, allow the children to process it all in their own way, being watchful for any that may need a little more help, and know that they will hear the call of their hearts from the universe and respond with the best they have to offer.

JasonsMom2007
by Silver Member on Nov. 28, 2012 at 1:46 AM
Trying to explain to my 5 year old why he is different than other kids.
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jconney80
by Platinum Member on Nov. 28, 2012 at 1:50 AM
I will be faced with this shortly too. 3 ASD kiddos

Quoting JasonsMom2007:

Trying to explain to my 5 year old why he is different than other kids.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
jconney80
by Platinum Member on Nov. 28, 2012 at 1:50 AM
I try to use books and other tools to help give a visual or explain things. It seems to work well
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JasonsMom2007
by Silver Member on Nov. 28, 2012 at 1:53 AM
Its tough. He has spd and who knows what else going on plus he is gifted. He just doesn't fit anywhere.


Quoting jconney80:

I will be faced with this shortly too. 3 ASD kiddos



Quoting JasonsMom2007:

Trying to explain to my 5 year old why he is different than other kids.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
jconney80
by Platinum Member on Nov. 28, 2012 at 1:59 AM
Yes my son has Aspergers. He has sensory problems and is gifted. He's pretty normal seeming and you can't tell unless you're around him longer. He's only 2.5 (diagnosed with ASD but it's basically Aspergers since he's extremely smart) and he knows what's going on around him so he will know he's different. It's really hard =( I know my oldest has Aspergers too. She's not quite as aware as my son but I've had to explain some stuff about it to her.
Quoting JasonsMom2007:

Its tough. He has spd and who knows what else going on plus he is gifted. He just doesn't fit anywhere.



Quoting jconney80:

I will be faced with this shortly too. 3 ASD kiddos





Quoting JasonsMom2007:

Trying to explain to my 5 year old why he is different than other kids.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Rushn311
by on Nov. 28, 2012 at 2:16 AM

I am pretty open with my kids but sometimes some topics are just hard to explain. I do my best.

JasonsMom2007
by Silver Member on Nov. 28, 2012 at 2:20 AM
Nobody can agree if my son has aspergers or not. He is 5 and is testing at a 3rd-4th grade level. He has tons of sensory stuff going on. But then there's other stuff too that fits an aspergers diagnosis but nobody else sees it so they won't diagnose him.


Quoting jconney80:

Yes my son has Aspergers. He has sensory problems and is gifted. He's pretty normal seeming and you can't tell unless you're around him longer. He's only 2.5 (diagnosed with ASD but it's basically Aspergers since he's extremely smart) and he knows what's going on around him so he will know he's different. It's really hard =( I know my oldest has Aspergers too. She's not quite as aware as my son but I've had to explain some stuff about it to her.
Quoting JasonsMom2007:

Its tough. He has spd and who knows what else going on plus he is gifted. He just doesn't fit anywhere.




Quoting jconney80:

I will be faced with this shortly too. 3 ASD kiddos







Quoting JasonsMom2007:

Trying to explain to my 5 year old why he is different than other kids.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
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