Group Home

Smarter Mom: Talking about hard things

Posted by   + Show Post

In my neck of the woods, a lot of people are suffering. The hurricane wiped out homes, towns, lives. Granted, things like this have happened almost everywhere in every corner of the world. Yet, this is my kiddo's world, and explaining to her what has happened is on my plate lately. Mix in a few questions about God and Heaven, and this mom is dealing with some heavy and hard topics lately. 

Maybe you have been dealing with hard convos yourself lately...maybe not, but at some point, you think you may...how do you wade into those discussions? Such a good question, and there is no right answer, but here are some to try.

 -- Use books. Check to see if there are some books, with favorite characters or not, that deal with whatever it is you are handling. Best bet is: there will be. It helps kids to read and think about a situation if someone else is going through it.

-- Listen and agree, but follow up. Sometimes all kids need is for you to hear their fears, listen to their thoughts, and agree that is can be scary. But then it is up to you to take it one step further and provide that secure "It will be okay, but it may take time and be different, but still okay" element to the conversation.

-- Be prepared to say I don't know...and share what you do know. Sometimes, these hard things bring up issues and topics that you don't know all the answers about. Tell your kids you don't know, but remind them of the things you do know (they are safe, you are there for them, tomorrow they will go to school). Remembering all of the known things makes those large unknown, perhaps uncertain parts of life more tolerable.

Have you talked about "hard things" with your kids? Share how it went!

ŠiStockphoto.com/ RTimages

by on Nov. 28, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Replies (21-30):
BeachMommy07
by on Nov. 28, 2012 at 6:53 PM

Bless your son. 

Quoting GaleJ:

My son, who is twenty-two and an EMT, spent two-and-a-half weeks in New York and New Jersey as part of the FEMA team during and after the storm. I bring this up because I honestly believe that the reason he does the work he does, does it so well, and is willing to volunteer in such situations is substantially because of the extreme influence of the events of 911 on him. 

We live in Chicago and except for the father of one of the families at our school being right there at the Towers that day we had no direct connection. That man was okay, he was supposed to have a meeting later in the day in one of the Towers but was still at the hotel on the site at the time of the attack.

At that time we, both our immediate family and our Montessori school family, tried to offer all the children reassurance that as the OP put it, it would be okay, different, but okay. It was very hard and while the children were amazing in their understanding, empathy, and sense of hope, I did worry about whether we were doing a good job in answering their questions and dealing with their concerns and fears.

For some reason my son was particularly affected and I honestly believe that his experience of that is why he choose to do the work he does. He saw it as a reason to do something that can help people in a concrete way, that's the message he took away from all that happened.

So have faith, allow the children to process it all in their own way, being watchful for any that may need a little more help, and know that they will hear the call of their hearts from the universe and respond with the best they have to offer.



BeachMommy07
by on Nov. 28, 2012 at 6:54 PM

A family in our town lost their entire house-my son is aware-it's sad 

GaleJ
by on Nov. 28, 2012 at 7:09 PM

Thank you.

Quoting BeachMommy07:

Bless your son. 

Quoting GaleJ:

My son, who is twenty-two and an EMT, spent two-and-a-half weeks in New York and New Jersey as part of the FEMA team during and after the storm. I bring this up because I honestly believe that the reason he does the work he does, does it so well, and is willing to volunteer in such situations is substantially because of the extreme influence of the events of 911 on him. 

We live in Chicago and except for the father of one of the families at our school being right there at the Towers that day we had no direct connection. That man was okay, he was supposed to have a meeting later in the day in one of the Towers but was still at the hotel on the site at the time of the attack.

At that time we, both our immediate family and our Montessori school family, tried to offer all the children reassurance that as the OP put it, it would be okay, different, but okay. It was very hard and while the children were amazing in their understanding, empathy, and sense of hope, I did worry about whether we were doing a good job in answering their questions and dealing with their concerns and fears.

For some reason my son was particularly affected and I honestly believe that his experience of that is why he choose to do the work he does. He saw it as a reason to do something that can help people in a concrete way, that's the message he took away from all that happened.

So have faith, allow the children to process it all in their own way, being watchful for any that may need a little more help, and know that they will hear the call of their hearts from the universe and respond with the best they have to offer.



Madelaine
by Ruby Member on Nov. 28, 2012 at 7:33 PM

Yes and I guess it went as well as expected.

maxswolfsuit
by on Nov. 28, 2012 at 8:24 PM

My kids are still pretty young. But we don't skirt issues as they come up.

SammiBaby
by on Nov. 28, 2012 at 11:00 PM

We have talked about hard things. We've had to discuss divorce and things of that nature and it's gone fairly okay. He's still not old enough to understand completely.

MamaJane
by Jane:) on Nov. 29, 2012 at 6:45 AM
They haven't had to face a lot on a personal level. I handle it in a matter of fact way when it comes up. My middle son recently found out what his diagnoses is. He's 13.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
lizzig
by Ruby Member on Nov. 29, 2012 at 5:20 PM

 sadly the kids know about "hard things", in the world we live in today it's hard to shelter them from it.  they see it on the news, hear it from friends.  life is full of "hard things". 

i've always talked with my kids openly & honestly about everything.  i do it in a way that is appropriate for their age.

wandep
by Pam on Nov. 29, 2012 at 5:40 PM

Yes, we had to discuss several hard things with the kids...death of family members and hubby loosing his job. Thankful it wasn't long before he found a new job but it was hard those six months.

othermom
by Ruby Member on Nov. 30, 2012 at 11:27 AM

We dicuss what we see on the news, sometimes in books. About helping the familys  in need, what we would do fif we were in need, ect

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Owner:
Most “Liked” Moms in This Group
Last 24 Hours
Last 7 Days
Last 30 Days
  1. letstalk747
  2. lizzig
  3. Jukebox_Jenny
  4. powow65
  5. alf2651
  6. Angela4boys
  7. kmqw229
  8. momkaribg
  9. chicken13
  10. earthangel1967
  11. specialwingz
  12. momofsixangels
  13. Charizma77
  14. Mznaye
  15. mom2jessnky
  16. Apr1l
  17. SweetLuci
  18. LifeCafe42
  19. deccaf
  20. Leelee1008