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how to tell a friend her daughter is being annoying? *update*

Posted by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 1:26 PM
  • 52 Replies

 i've been helping out a friend of mine lately.  she's a single mom with no baby daddy around.  her parents are about an hour away & while the other grandparents are involved in her daughter's life they live about 2 hours away.  last month she got a new job & is working longer hours & was in a bind. 

her daughter is very active in dance, dances with a local company & has classes 3 nights a week.  my friend asked me if i could take her daughter to dance for her.  i have to pick up my husband every night from work & drive by both my friends house & the dance studio to get there so i said yes.  i don't have to go out of my way & only have to leave a few minutes earlier than i would have to anyway so it really isn't a bother.  that being said her daughter has become somewhat of a bother. 

for about 40min before i pick her up she'll text me constantly asking "if i've left yet" "where am i" "when i'm going to get there" etc.  if i don't respond right away she'll send another.  one day i was at the bank dealing with some issues & she texted asking if i could pick her up then because she wanted to get to the studio early to hang out with her friends.  this was about an hour before she had to be there.  simple told her i couldn't.  then she kept texting asking "why?" stressing she really wanted to get there early.  i told her i was at the bank & then she proceeds to say i could do that after i took her.  the 15-20min i was a the bank i got about a dozen such texts.  a similar thing happened another time.  hmm, someone's doing you a favor & you are going to dictate to them when they can handle their own affairs?  i know she's a preteen & we all know life revolves around them but still.......

she really is a nice girl & gets along with my kids, (which is another reason i didn't have an issue helping out, my kids like getting to hang out for a bit with a "cool older kid"), but if she continues on like this i don't know my generous spirit will be so inclined to continue to help out.

how do i bring this up to my friend without upsetting her.  i don't want her to think i don't like her child or i'm bothered by the favor she asked of me.  the act of picking her daughter up & taking her to class doesn't bother me at all.  it's the fact that her daughter seems to think i'm at her beck & call & shouldn't be doing anything other than chauffeur her, that's what's gotten annoying.

first want to say thank you to all you wonderful mama's who replied & gave your advice.  i mulled it all over & decided to bypass talking to the girl about it & went straight to mom.  i know my friend much better than her daughter & didn't want to say something to the girl that she may take the wrong way & make a whole issue out of.  my friend was pretty unhappy with her daughter & was going to have a talk with her.  i haven't heard yet how it went & won't know till january how much sunk in. (they started dress rehearsals for the winter show last week so she's been going to class later so her mom has been able to take her.  the shows this coming weekend & then they have a break till the new year)

by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 1:26 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Kainalu55
by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 1:34 PM
1 mom liked this

I would just tell her how her daughter texts you dozens of times, tell her about being at the bank and her daughter telling you to pick her up and you can deal with the bank later.  Just say how you don't mind taking her, and she can be assured that she will get there on time, but there is no need for continuous texts and demanding to do things her way.

paknari
by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 1:38 PM
I would just tell her that you don't mind picking her up but you can't do it early and not to text because you you don't war to make decisions for her daughter. She needs to ask her mom. She won't because I know her mom would just say no but it puts the ball in her court.
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momofsixangels
by Colleen on Dec. 1, 2012 at 1:39 PM

I would tell the mom that its annoying and ask her to tell her dd to stop

BeachMommy07
by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 2:03 PM

You have to buck up and be blunt with her. I would not want a bunch of annoying texts coming through to my phone either especially if I answered politely the first couple of times. Ask her if she has a trust issue with you and if that is the reason for her continuous texts..or tell her you don't text and drive and you will politely text her when you pick the girl up and when the girl is at your house. OR get the daughter her own phone!

LifeCafe42
by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 2:04 PM
I agree

Quoting paknari:

I would just tell her that you don't mind picking her up but you can't do it early and not to text because you you don't war to make decisions for her daughter. She needs to ask her mom. She won't because I know her mom would just say no but it puts the ball in her court.
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sweetpea1269
by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 2:11 PM
I would address it directly with the girl on the way to class. I'd tell her 'this' is the time I arrive and I will let her know if I will be late etc.. I would also let her know that, while I didn't mind giving her a ride, but I don't need to be harrassedd before hand...
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lizzig
by Ruby Member on Dec. 1, 2012 at 2:19 PM

 it's not my friend doing the texting, it's her daughter.  my friend doesn't stress over me getting her daughter to class.

Quoting BeachMommy07:

You have to buck up and be blunt with her. I would not want a bunch of annoying texts coming through to my phone either especially if I answered politely the first couple of times. Ask her if she has a trust issue with you and if that is the reason for her continuous texts..or tell her you don't text and drive and you will politely text her when you pick the girl up and when the girl is at your house. OR get the daughter her own phone!

 

BeachMommy07
by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 2:20 PM

I'm sorry!! Tell the daughter you don't text and drive. that should make her stop. I apologize!

Quoting lizzig:

 it's not my friend doing the texting, it's her daughter.  my friend doesn't stress over me getting her daughter to class.

Quoting BeachMommy07:

You have to buck up and be blunt with her. I would not want a bunch of annoying texts coming through to my phone either especially if I answered politely the first couple of times. Ask her if she has a trust issue with you and if that is the reason for her continuous texts..or tell her you don't text and drive and you will politely text her when you pick the girl up and when the girl is at your house. OR get the daughter her own phone!

 



tyfry7496
by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 2:24 PM
Exactly.

Quoting Kainalu55:

I would just tell her how her daughter texts you dozens of times, tell her about being at the bank and her daughter telling you to pick her up and you can deal with the bank later.  Just say how you don't mind taking her, and she can be assured that she will get there on time, but there is no need for continuous texts and demanding to do things her way.

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periwinkle163
by on Dec. 1, 2012 at 2:26 PM
1 mom liked this

 Just show your friend the texts and tell her while you love helping her and her dd out, the text has to stop. You are a friend doing a favor not a taxi service.

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