all the horrors that have become so common in our society today tug greatly on my heart strings. when i hear of tragedies like columbine, aurora, newton, etc. my heart goes out to all those directly affected by the horror. but as with most of us that aren't directly affected by such tragedies my life goes on as normal. continuing on with my false sense of security that such things could never happen in my little world. i'm sure i'm not alone in that feeling. last night however i realized i'm more shaken by everything that's happened than i realized.
last night my daughter & i went to the movies to see les mis. there were a couple dozen people in the theater with my daughter being the only one under 20. it was a fairly large theater with three sections, most everyone was sitting in the middle section with a few couples sitting to the right of the screen. toward the end of the movie two young guys, late teens i'd guess, came in & sat off to the left of the screen. they were very noticable because no one had left during the movie. they kept looking around the theater & just gave me an uneasy feeling. to the point where i started to have an anxiety attack. my daughter noticed something was up with me because up until then i was singing along, quietly, with the movie (i've seen the theater show too many times to count & know the score by heart =). i found myself looking at the door a few rows behind me, watching the boys, contemplating leaving. being really on edge with thoughts of all the recent horrors running through my head. my daughter kept looking at me with a puzzled look & trying to figure out what i was looking at. after about 10-12min the boys got up & left. but i found i couldn't relax the rest of the movie. i was still thinking of leaving. thinking of all the what ifs.
nothing happend of course, otherwise this would be a very different post, but i hated how i felt. i've never had anything like that happen before. i always thought i was "ok" with all that's happened but i guess it affected me on a level i never realized before.