Mom, you've heard of Murphy, haven't you? I'm sure you've heard of his law anyway ... the one that says "anything that can go wrong will go wrong"? Cynical? Maybe. Or maybe Murphy was a parent.
Because when it comes to having kids, anything that can go wrong, well ... you get where I'm going with this. Behold the Murphy's law -- or should I say laws? -- of babies:
1. Your baby will sleep as fire engines scream past your house, sirens blaring. When your bedspring squeaks during sex, he will wake up screaming, "Mooooooooommmmmmyyyyyyy."
2. You will have a fully dressed baby and be walking out the door five minutes late for work when she blows out her diaper.
3. If you're in a mall bathroom with a baby with a wet diaper, you will have a full wipes container. If you're in a mall bathroom with a baby with a poopy diaper, you will have exactly one wipe left in the container ... and there won't be any toilet paper left in the stall dispenser.
4. You can hold his little body as far away from you as possible, but he's still going to get that baby vomit in your purse.
5. You will be in the bathroom when your daughter takes her first steps (or some other major milestone). It will be the ONE AND ONLY TIME you managed to sneak away to pee alone.
6. You can sit there waiting for that baby to poop all day, and it won't happen, but as soon as you've changed her into a fresh diaper, she will let loose.
7. You will spend eight straight hours with a screamy, colicky baby, but the minute your spouse walks in the door, he will grin and gurgle like an angel.
8. If your pediatrician closes at 6 p.m. on a Friday, your son will spike a high fever at 6:01 p.m. on a Friday.
9. Your baby will happily spend hours in her bouncy seat. She will start screaming bloody murder the second you step into the shower.
10. There is exactly one item of choking hazard size on Granny's living room floor that even the vacuum cleaner missed. Your son will find it.
What is your Murphy's law of parenting moment?