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sleep over etiquette?

Posted by on May. 24, 2013 at 8:03 PM
  • 31 Replies

Ok so I am a little confused. Did I miss something on sleep over etiquette? 

We have friends who have a few kids, their two boys are close with our two boys, and we are close with their family, in fact I grew up with the dad as their family lived and lives across the street from where I grew up and live now.

anyway dh said the oldest boy (12) could sleep over. He has before and I dont have a problem with it. the only thing that annoys me is every time he sleeps over, he expects to eat dinner here. He came in with my son and sat down and said im ready to eat too. I wasnt rude I did let him eat.

Now when My kids sleep over places, I feed them dinner unless its a few night stay, or other plans were previously discussed. When my kids sleep over the boys house, his mother doesn't feed them dinner, half the time they dont get breakfast either. Now there have been times where they have eaten there, but alot of times when he is to stay over, his mom gos out and buys dinner on a friday night and doesnt buy anything for him, as she expects me to feed him.

He is not a small boy, hes big and he eats ALOT. I gave him a large bowl of spaghetti and he went back for 2nds.

Am I wrong, did I miss something, is it expected to feed a child when they are staying over one night, or am I being taken advantage of?

by on May. 24, 2013 at 8:03 PM
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Replies (1-10):
frndlyfn
by on May. 24, 2013 at 8:22 PM

I always ate whereever i spent the night as did my friends when they came over.  It does not mean feed them until your cupboards are bare though.  You can set limits on how much.  You can also talk to the mother about this behavior and see if she will get on same page as you since it seems you are bearing the heavier food bill.

Stevensmomma
by on May. 24, 2013 at 8:29 PM

It depends on the time they are coming over to spend the night if they are coming over at dinner time then yes they have dinner too but if they come over after dinner which when I think after dinner is after 5 PM then no they don't get dinner. But snacks for a sleep over I give and breakfast yes they get breakfast. It does sound like you getting taken advantage of you shouldn't be providing food for their kid and your child doesn't get anything. I come from a big Italian family so we always feed people.

heydooney
by on May. 24, 2013 at 8:31 PM

Yeah that doesn't seem fair.

MamaMandee
by on May. 24, 2013 at 8:39 PM
My kid's friends often come right after school so I feed them. If I know they are coming anytime between 4:30 & 6:30 I keep in mind they may be here for dinner and plan for it. I dont mind if I have to feed them. I also make sure I offer snacks and always breakfast. My mom always fed our friends too, so maybe that is why it seems more normal to me.
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SweetLuci
by on May. 24, 2013 at 8:39 PM

It depends on what time they're coming, and I usually talk to the parent and if they're coming right after school, of course I'm feeding them dinner and I tell the parent that I'll give them breakfast. If they're coming near dinner time I ask if they'll have dinner before they come.  Since he's a big eater, it may be that his mom is feeding him and he's wanting to eat with you too. Next time I'd just ask the mom if he's eating dinner at home before he comes.

mamivon2
by Sandra on May. 24, 2013 at 8:56 PM

When my kids have sleep over. I do feed them something but also let the parents know what and when he ate.. my son goes to one friend for a sleep over and they usually go out to eat anyways.. usually steak house..

maybe cut back on the sleep over or let his mom know that she has to start bringing something..

Leelee1008
by on May. 24, 2013 at 9:24 PM

there is not a set time as they live around the corner. Fridays are their take out nights, and He has been hanging out with my son all day long. I dont even think he went home to see if she had anything for him. He did go home later on to get his clothes, so if you really wanted to stick a time on it I would say he was officially here at 9pm... way past dinner time. I spoke wiht my boys about how much snacking they would be doing. I dont mind giving snacks but this boy will make a pig out of himself and I know for a fact my kids dont get snacks there, I always have to send something becaus ethey are hungry and thirsty. And I always feed breakfast.

Quoting Stevensmomma:

It depends on the time they are coming over to spend the night if they are coming over at dinner time then yes they have dinner too but if they come over after dinner which when I think after dinner is after 5 PM then no they don't get dinner. But snacks for a sleep over I give and breakfast yes they get breakfast. It does sound like you getting taken advantage of you shouldn't be providing food for their kid and your child doesn't get anything. I come from a big Italian family so we always feed people.


Leelee1008
by on May. 24, 2013 at 9:25 PM

nope, he didnt even check in with his family until 9pm, thats when he went and got clothes, so he had ample time to go home and eat, just didnt.

Quoting SweetLuci:

It depends on what time they're coming, and I usually talk to the parent and if they're coming right after school, of course I'm feeding them dinner and I tell the parent that I'll give them breakfast. If they're coming near dinner time I ask if they'll have dinner before they come.  Since he's a big eater, it may be that his mom is feeding him and he's wanting to eat with you too. Next time I'd just ask the mom if he's eating dinner at home before he comes.


Stevensmomma
by on May. 24, 2013 at 10:15 PM
1 mom liked this

Wow then if I were you when it's dinner time say to your kids it's time for dinner and send him home and  say go home and have dinner with your family and come back at 7:00 after you ate and showered . Or if that doesn't work then I would not do sleep overs anymore bc that just isn't right at all it just sounds  like they aren't paying much attention to what's going on and they don't care at all he's not checking in until 9pm and he's only 12 I wouldn't let my kids sleep over someplace where they don't care that their kid doesn't check in at that age I wasn't even allowed out !

Quoting Leelee1008:

there is not a set time as they live around the corner. Fridays are their take out nights, and He has been hanging out with my son all day long. I dont even think he went home to see if she had anything for him. He did go home later on to get his clothes, so if you really wanted to stick a time on it I would say he was officially here at 9pm... way past dinner time. I spoke wiht my boys about how much snacking they would be doing. I dont mind giving snacks but this boy will make a pig out of himself and I know for a fact my kids dont get snacks there, I always have to send something becaus ethey are hungry and thirsty. And I always feed breakfast.

Quoting Stevensmomma:

It depends on the time they are coming over to spend the night if they are coming over at dinner time then yes they have dinner too but if they come over after dinner which when I think after dinner is after 5 PM then no they don't get dinner. But snacks for a sleep over I give and breakfast yes they get breakfast. It does sound like you getting taken advantage of you shouldn't be providing food for their kid and your child doesn't get anything. I come from a big Italian family so we always feed people.



charlene_kyle
by on May. 24, 2013 at 10:16 PM

 

Quoting heydooney:

Yeah that doesn't seem fair.

 

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