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One friend over rule?

Posted by on Apr. 21, 2014 at 10:01 AM
  • 34 Replies
1 mom liked this

Because of a job transfer, we moved to a new home in another state a few months ago. Our son is a fourth-grader who has never had a problem making friends. However, since moving to our new neighborhood, he has encountered the "one-friend-at-a-time" rule with two different neighborhood boys.

He comes home from school, hops on his bike, goes down the street and knocks on "Johnny's" door, only to be told that Johnny is playing with "Billy" now, and he's allowed to have only one friend over at a time -- so my son ends up alone.

The parents of these two boys call themselves "good Christians." They have pictures of Jesus all over their homes and go to church every Sunday. (Maybe they read a different Bible than we do -- ours says, "Love thy neighbor.")

Needless to say, our son's feelings are hurt and he misses his old buddies terribly. He is well-mannered and has been taught to share.

My husband and I are at a loss as to how to deal with these parents who think nothing of hurting a child's feelings. Please help.

by on Apr. 21, 2014 at 10:01 AM
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Replies (1-10):
VintageWife
by Silver Member on Apr. 21, 2014 at 10:04 AM
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I don't think it has anything to do with being Christian. It's their home and to maintain a low level of chaos, they've chosen to allow their kids one friend over at a time.
conweis
by Member on Apr. 21, 2014 at 10:04 AM

Some people don't want a lot of kids at their houses. It doesn't make them bad Christians for knowing what they do and don't want at their house. You could ask your son to make a schedule with the boys so they can take turns going over their friend's house.

wandep
by Pam on Apr. 21, 2014 at 10:05 AM

Sorry.  I haven't had to encounter this problem so I don't know what to tell you. Bumping this up so others can see it.

coug7099
by on Apr. 21, 2014 at 10:08 AM
3 moms liked this

I always found that 3 kids together made problems. Two kids would get along and leave the 3rd out or be mean to him. Can you invite both boys to your house? Or prearrange play time with their parents? We all want to protect our kids but IMO you might want to follow my suggests or think of some other ways to get them together but otherwise stay out of it and never never never let your son hear you bad mouth the other parents rules. He may inadvertently repeat your words to them. That could cause huge neighborhood problems. 

conweis
by Member on Apr. 21, 2014 at 10:09 AM

Agreed. I have a one child in the house rule. I couldn't imagine my three older boys each bringing over one friend or more than one friend each. I personally don't have the time or energy to keep my eye on that many kids.

Quoting VintageWife: I don't think it has anything to do with being Christian. It's their home and to maintain a low level of chaos, they've chosen to allow their kids one friend over at a time.


balagan_imma
by Bronze Member on Apr. 21, 2014 at 10:21 AM

It's probably more about what the parents feel they can handle at their house. I am not one of those people, but have had to help my DD cope with it some. Her BBF's mom is the type to be able handle more than 1 extra kid per child. Sometimes that meant DD got left out. It was hard for her, but she's muddled through.

Maybe you should pre-arrange some playdates at your house.

othermom
by Ruby Member on Apr. 21, 2014 at 10:25 AM

Maybe there are arguements or they get really loud if there are more than one kid over at a time. It doesn't have anything to do with their religion. 

 

Jukebox_Jenny
by Jenny on Apr. 21, 2014 at 10:54 AM
3 moms liked this
Not sure what their religious beliefs have to do with it but they can't be the only 2 kids he can be friends with.

And I'm certain there are times when they don't have someone over and your son could be the one friend for that time.

I'm sure it's hard to have a bummed out son but no one is in the wrong in this situation, it just is what it is. I think it's kind of rude to say they're these nasty, child hurting people because they have certain rules for their house. Kind of entitled of you actually. Maybe encourage him to seek out a few more friend options or to make plans with these kids so he'll have the opportunity to play also.
deccaf
by Silver Member on Apr. 21, 2014 at 10:55 AM

We had a rule similar when I was growing up.  But with 5 girls, if any of us invited even one friend at a time, it was complete madness!

mikesmom65270
by Bronze Member on Apr. 21, 2014 at 10:59 AM

I agree with this.  Sometimes with more than two kids, the dynamics change and one ends up being left out, so maybe that's what is happening here.  I never had a rule like that, but it's their decision and not related to religion.  Loving your neighbor doesn't mean letting in everyone who comes to your door.  I'm sure your son will settle in and find friends, just takes a while.

Quoting VintageWife: I don't think it has anything to do with being Christian. It's their home and to maintain a low level of chaos, they've chosen to allow their kids one friend over at a time.


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