Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

GIving up!

Posted by (Group Owner) on Dec. 9, 2010 at 5:49 PM
  • 5 Replies
  • 174 Total Views

Some days I have I just want to give up..

It seems as if I do so good for so long .. but then it's this hump of a week where I feel edgy more and I can't seem to please my family at all.

Today I came home from work .. and let me tell you I didn't even want to go to work .. I woke up tired and wanting to go right back to bed but of course I am MOM and I have to make sure the kids eat, brush their teeth, get dressed, and get on the bus on time. So I did all that and then wanted to just lay down and not move.. but I had to work.. and of course work is slow and I clean and clean but you can only clean so much as your co workers watch you..

So I get home and my husband says .. Let's go ...!! I want to go to the next town and that's 20 mins away .. he says I need to pick up some things and so lets go. Now if I had been feeling good I would say sure.. but the sun is not out.. and I feel like I'm hanging by a thread.. So I tell him lets just go to town .. (we live 10 mins from the town we live by) and he complains and says .. no ... and whines. I tell him please you've been supportive dont start going back to that person that is always shoving me. If I had just recently taken my relaxant and the sun was out .. I'd be there..

Well we went to his moms.. UGH of course she makes me soooo nervous.. Its because she always yells at me and thinks this is a HUGE put on and that I'm faking and should just get off my butt and get over it. So I stayed in the car.. Finally my husband comes to the car and says .. now lets go .. I turn to go to the town that is closest where I work and he gets mad. He says just take me home and  drop me off I'll go to the other town. I said what? why ? we can go together to our town..

Finally he agreed. But really.. what is up with that ? I mean .. I am allowed to have bad days .. but to him  I don't progress enough .. I should be going the things I use to by now.. He use to say ... WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GET OVER THIS? and I would say I don't know.. I even took him to my therapist.. And my therapist told him that I am fighthing as far as I can. My husband thinks I should be popping pills and just go on with life..

Alot of it has to do with how busy of a mom I was before all this .. He had to do nothing.. and now he has had to do alot more then he bargined for I assure you.. we have had a badly strained marriage..

I remember when I first got like this .. I said to him .. Just commit me. Put me away because you all deserve to be cared for like a mom and wife should ... I feel like I am worthless.. I had so many thoughts of just dying and how they could go on with life.. I wanted to just live in a hospital so that they couldn't watch me live in the shell of my home.. being a prisonor of my own body..

I have come along way but sadly I have so much more to do.. I feel strong sometimes and other times I feel like that scared person that never left my bed room.

There still are days  I still want to give up.. even when I feel like things are going right.. I still want to say I'M done!!

Mom's are suppose to be strong! And they are suppose to take care of their kids. not there kids watch their mom's fall apart as mine have..

Im sorry I'm just going on .. but really it's been that kind of a day .. and I just had to let it out.. I have so much more to say but I'm afraid I would be here all night..

 Don't our loved ones get for one second that we wish in a heart beat we could return to the lives we once had? I know they can't understand how we feel and what our bodys go through daily as well as our minds.. but they have to see our suffering .. They have to see how it tears us apart..

Ok... I'm done... I'm sorry to going on..and on..

I do hope everyone is well ...

by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 5:49 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-5):
by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 6:08 PM

 Do you and your husband go to couples therapy?  If not, maybe you should start.  It sounds like your situation is really hard on him, and mabye he can't figure out how to cope. 

I know you've said you've taken him to your therapist, but that's a little different.  He probably felt like the "bad guy" in there.  I think if you guys had a neutral zone with a brand new person, it might go better.  I know you feel like you're at the end of your rope, but maybe it can be worked around.  It sounds like, in many ways, your household is still being run as if it's in crisis mode, and he can't keep up with the crisis anymore.  If you step back and look at things (with the help of a neutral 3rd party) you may be able to reorganize things in life so that you can both deal with it better. 

Good luck! 

Dannille33 Group Owner
by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 6:31 PM

Well, we have done that .. therapy that is ..

He wont talk. He's done all this for over a year now .. but it's not really that he is having problems with me alot... not as he use to..

but he's having more issues that still after year he still has responsiblity on him.

He would rather just be a laid back dad .. doing nothing but going to work and not having to deal with the kids..

Like I said he's done well .. I give him tons of kudo's .. it's just that some days are harder then others..

With this disorder I have found that when your family and friends see you doing so well and going places .. That they think you can always do that .. sometimes they think you are all better..

And .. that's when it happends.. when you can't go they don't get it..

So... anyway .. after the first few sessions he said ... I'm not going because they aren't telling me anything you haven't..

We continue to pray hard... and I just deal..

I just had to vent.. sorry .. Maybe I shouldn't have said so much.. alot of the old things that bothered me still haunt me now.. at times.

by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 6:36 PM
Wow you are goin thru the same thing as me iam shocked how much we have n common down to hubby , fam and all.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Dannille33 Group Owner
by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 6:42 PM

Well .. this has gone on for awhile.. but it was ok there for a few months..

I tend to get really picky and feel like he expects alot .. and when my pms hits I know how far I can do and what I can do.. and he's use me on non pms weeks and I can a bit farther...

One thing I can say is that he's nothing like he was a first... alot of this is old stuff... because this is how I felt... I am opening up a bit more so others know I know how they feel.. I have lived and am still on that roller coster...

It's something that just keeps going .. and we have set backs sometimes in our progress and so does our loved ones ... Were just human..

I love him dearly and he has been so much more supportive.. just some days ... He's not as supportive as I would like him to be.. and I seem to be a little edgy and touchy on those days ...

UGh ...

But .. our love keeps us together!! We still have that .. :)

and .. yes we do sound so alike..

we all should love closer.. we could form a real group!!


by on Dec. 10, 2010 at 9:09 AM
I'm going through similar. My dh expected me to go out grocery shopping as soon as the twins started school. He doesn't understand that just going to the bus stop twice a day has been super hard for me. I have agoraphobia and live on a busy street...not a good combo. I'm not ready to go to a store alone and in the day. He doesn't get it.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)