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Wow Danielle33, you have described me exactly.  I have 2 boys, 15 1/2 and 9.  I am so worried about them because of the way they see me.  I do not go down to FL every Spring Break, because I just do not want to go so far away from home.  I am very anxious being more than 2 hours away.  I am afraid of freaking out and not being able to be in my "safe place".  I also have been diagnosed with Bipolar 2 1/2 years ago.  The meds that I am on, give me the shakes and make me more anxious because I am so self conscious about it.  I don't work due to the panic, anxiety, social, and bipolar disorder.  I am so frustrated that it controls my life like it does.  I am going to try to get on Cafemom regularly.  Need to go pick up the little one from school.

Tammie

by on Feb. 7, 2011 at 2:43 PM
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Dannille33 Group Owner
by on Feb. 8, 2011 at 5:37 PM

Hello Tammie...

     Life for me has changed since I wrote alot of this.. I do work now. I have my good and  bad days.. but one thing that stays the same so far is that I can't go to far from home. I can't seem to get past that though I am still taking small steps. It's my goal to again be able to go places and do things outside of this town. With the winter and now working it seems to take all my focus and energy.. So running goals have been put on hold.

    I still feel for my kids .. they can't seem to understand why I can do more now but I am still not better. Kids are funny sometimes yet I know inside they are curious how us mom's that are suppose to be strong and smart break down like this. Then they see mom's that haven't broke down and wonder why their mom did. My kids have their days where they will walk on egg shells and then there are days when they seem to think MOM is just fine and there is nothing wrong with me.

     When I first had my attacks and shut down last winter I was lucky to leave the house once a month. I would spend alot of time in my room. I was lucky that I hadn't gained alot of weight as well though my want for food went down. I even felt like I could just die. I know what it's like to live fear 24/7 and I don't ever want to go back to that state of mind! I did learn alot from my first year with panic.. I learned that if you try hard enough you can slowly get some what of a life back. It just takes years... after all it took me 34 yrs go break down.. and it might take 34 more to get back close to the life I had..

       I don't have Bipolar though once I was told I did. I am borderline though and so I have some bouts with some of the feelings of a bipolor person.

     My panic is caused mainly now by hormones .. and the fact that I have lived in fear to long so now I am afraid of things but I am working through that..

In what you have said.. we do sound alike.. but that means we can fight hard.. and will win!!

I look forward to getting to know you...:)

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