I had time to sit down today.. I really thought about what it's like living with anxiety, stress, panic, and Ptsd.
I believe I have captured a closer version of it in my latest poem.. Raw, it is in form .. perhaps it's a little hard to read due to the flow.. but it's something I felt I needed to share in this group.
You are all strong!! and This ones for us!
I am locked inside my self
My thoughts seem to control me
Just when I feel I can start to live
My fears come to surface
I am again consumed by this monster
The very inner feeling that scares me
Does it have a name you ask?
How can it have such a strong grasp?
Well, perhaps if you had this same monster inside
you might feel the how the way I do.
Some describe it as hell on earth
and some just take it for what its worth.
Can't you see it?
The monster inside me.
The way it makes me shakes
the way it takes my breath.
Sometimes it even causes my heart to race.
It makes it hard to be a person, to be
the person I use to be.
As much as they tell me I shall never get use to it.
I use to live my life as anyone should,
now I take the days good days as anyone would.
The bad days I struggle and mentally tried to survive.
I keep asking Why me?
What did I do so that God would put me through this
personal Hell.
Then I see how I have grown and how somethings have turned out well.
No you cannot see my hurt inside.
You might have witnessed the tears I've cried.
You can't feel the dizziness and disorientation.
Though you have seen how I seldom go anywhere.
The guilt and hurt this causes me having it,
makes me feel that life isn't worth living this way.
So many people look at me crazy
they tell me what I feel is fake.
HEY I'M Not Crazy!
I'm just surviving, yet parts of me are dying.
I'm trying to live, when some times I feel
death would rid me of this feeling.
You don't have to blame me for what I cannot do now.
I do enough of that myself plus more.
Please don't understand me
its really no use.
Just support me
it's easier to do.
Help me when I calling crying because I need to know
that I am not alone.
its how I feel and how I know we all have or still do at somet point..
Hugs to you!!
that made me tear up because that is truly what it's like. It is definitely a feeling of having this monster inside of you eating away at your emotions. I haven't been on here in a while because I have had so much going on but I am glad that I even have a place where I can come where I won't be judged. You cannot always see someone elses pain but sometimes you can feel it if you have an understanding of where they are coming from. I hope you are doing well and that everyone else is too! Some days are better than others and I struggle everyday to have more good days than bad.
Thank you for posting this. It made me tear up too because this is how I feel inside.
This isn't something to be ashamed of.
This is who I am! Who are all are now.
And now all we can do is survive and learn to cope and live with it.
We are stronger! And this isn't a punishment it's something that just happend.
Hugs and loved to you all.
i felt like crying because my family doesnt understand..i like the part where it says that people think its all fake..my family thinks i just wanna stay home and do nothing and be lazy all the time, they have no idea what i go through.theyre always judging me and i wish they would stop..
We bid for jobs again Panic attack messing with me. Contacted Dept. of Labor
- Dannille33
on May. 5, 2011 at 6:55 PM