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Did I do the right thing???

Posted by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 7:52 PM
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 Okay please bare with me.

This is a very recent problem for me and I am having trouble of where to turn and who to talk to.

Sept 10th I just recently had a beautiful son :o)

He's my #3 boy and last.

I am feeling sad, weird what ever you have it because I am having giant doubt that I did the right thing.

I never really wanted to get it done. I did it "for the best of me family" When it was done it was economically better. It was 100% paid for. Because of insurance reasons. But here is the thing, I feel wrong for doing it. I feel like I did the wrong thing. But everyone I have tried to talk to this about, including my doctor keeps telling me... that it's normal to feel like this and it will go away.

Okay, well what if it doesn't???

What if I always feel like this??? I just don't feel like I did after I had my other two guys. I feel different. I keep thinking it is because of this. My doctor says no.

I didn't know how to get this feeling off of me. I know at least for now that I don't want any more babies. I mean it would be great if I was younger and richer and not to say also sanity lol But this was a great place to stop.

3 Beautiful Boys. But I am so sad and regretful for getting my tubes tied.

Julie

by on Nov. 12, 2009 at 7:52 PM
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Replies (1-3):
kasadiesmom
by Group Owner on Nov. 13, 2009 at 4:45 AM

I haven't gotten my tubes tied, hubby got the big V. But I have days where I feel like we did the wrong thing. He got it done when I was 5 months pregnant, so of course at the time I was miserable and all for it. But now that my little one is 1, I keep thinking I just want one more. And I have beautiful children myself and love them of course and I am lucky to have 1 of each, but I just want 1 more. But for me I just keep thinking about what I have to give to my kids. I can get my pre pregnancy body back plus some, I will have more time and money to do stuff with them. If I am constantly pregnant then I would miss so much. I felt so guilty when I got pregnant with my son because my daughter was only 6 months old.

TiaraMom19
by on Nov. 13, 2009 at 8:31 AM

 Hi,I totally understand your feelings.I had a hysterectomy last year and feel stripped of womanood and motherhood.I feel like I had to go through a grieving period...a death..an ending of sorts.I think all three of us are feeling alot of guilt.We feel like maybe we should have,coud have,would have....if only.Wrong or right...at this point ive decided to start moving foward.What this means exactly....im still trying to figure out...lol.One thing is for sure though ive decided that this is what is...and I will enjoy myself,my family and life as is.I try and fill my void with being grateful for all that I do have.If I want to mother again than I can look into other alternatives like being a big sister,foster care,adoption,maybe even surragocey.All I know is time can heal....you just go at your own pace.Ill be here to chat anytime.

Blessings,TIA

myfunniebones
by New Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 6:58 PM

I totally understand how you feel. All woman go thru this feeling. It takes alot of time to get over this feeling. I am 48yrs old now. I had mine done when i was 22yrs old the dr tied and burn it so i could not have anymore. But mine was done for health reason. I would get very sick while being pregnant. I love kids. I only had one of each boy and girl. In my heart i wanted 4. But i couldn't handle the pregnancy. As years pass on while my children grew up. The feeling dimish some. Then i started having trouble with my uterus and ovaries i ended up with enetremosis. So i had to have emergnecy partial hyster. I still have my ovaires sometimes i wish they had taken that out. lol. I have my days with that. 

Anyways before that happen in 2005. When i remarried to the hubby i have now i wanted more than anything to have a child by him but it wasn't goin to happen. Instead my hubby surprised me with 2 pomperians and said to me those is our children. lol. I know it sounds nuts but it filled the gap that i was missing my own children since they all became grown up. I had a empty hole in my heart for a long time but now i have my dogs. My children gave me 3 grandkids which i was just told over the holidays that my kids are not going to have kids anymore they both got fixed too. Son got his done after his first child. My daughter just got her done last month when her last child was born. 

Even now my daughter wish to have more kids. Her problem is she has mfthr disease which is a blood disorder and she had already lost 6 kids. But the good lord gave her 2 kids. Even dr's were begging her not to have anymore for health reason cause she could easy die. I am greatful for what i have and what i have had in my life. 

But now that i am my age. At times i do think about my kids and having more but i am way to old and i couldn't keep up with one now with my neuropathy. 

While you have your kids with you now they fill the empty feeling inside. Once they leave and grow up the feeling will return again of wanting more but it what we all need to do to find what will fill that empty gap as my husband did for me. 

Don't feel bad and it ok to feel what your feeling. Do dr's understand this. No they don't unless they are female themselves. If you feel it not going away i would suggest talking to someone like a counselor that can help with this cause you don't want to get into a depression over this.  

But enjoy what you have and live and enjoy them while they grow older. The kids will help keep you busy and fill that empty gap. 

I wish i could give you a hug. IT will take time but you will be glad. I know i am now looking back on things and now where i am at in my life. I also have 4 other kids that belongs to my husbands so far we got one that is step grandchild and one on the way. One of my husband kids were murdered by his ex. That really left us feeling empty for a long time. Now 3yrs later we are much stronger than we were. We have the other kids and my kids in our lives along with the dogs. 

All of us will go thru phases in life but it will pass. 

I hope this help a little bit. 

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