Poem; Welcome to Holland

[SamMom912]

I was at our local library today chatting with our wonderful librarian, I was in search of yet more books to help me help Sam. She asked me if I had ever read the poem, Welcome to Holland... and I hadent... so she printed it out and gave it to me. I wanted to share it with all of you...

WELCOME TO HOLLAND

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this…

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum, the Michelangelo David, the gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!" you say. "What do you mean, Holland?" I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy.

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to some horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy a new guidebook. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around, and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills, Holland has tulips, Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life you will say, "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

The pain of that will never, ever, go away, because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss.

But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.

Written by Emily Perl Kingsley

[lizmarie1975]

Powerful...without being too much so.

[Bethy16]

Love it! When I get on my computer I will have to copy that and pass it on.

[Cecelia712]

Very very true!and so fitting after a day of reading all the evaluations from the many different therapists for Giovanni. Each one was more depressing and horrible than the last. To say it was heartbreaking is an understatement. But then I look over at my little monster and he squishes his cute little nose and gives me his huge smile and I know it will all be ok. Then he runs over and gives me a kiss and puts his filthy, sticky, little arms around my neck and says, "love....... mama". (He has a long pause between words while he tries to get the word out)so maybe the therapists see all his flaws but I see my perfect little boy that I was told id never have and that's all that matters to me. So ill take holland anyday!

[Cecelia712]

And now my little holland is curled up on me snoring away. So maybe this isn't what I expected. And no mom really plans for a child with behavioral issues or delays. And there are times during the day id do anything to hop a plane to the perfect italy. But perfect italy doesn't have the personality of holland. I was given a holland and I love him just the way he is.

[Jennifair]

thanx for the share. I might have to pass this along to a friend 

[SamMom912]

Quoting Cecelia712:

And now my little holland is curled up on me snoring away. So maybe this isn't what I expected. And no mom really plans for a child with behavioral issues or delays. And there are times during the day id do anything to hop a plane to the perfect italy. But perfect italy doesn't have the personality of holland. I was given a holland and I love him just the way he is.

Im jealous. Im not there.... And maybe because i planned this trip to Italy for 4 years... And maybe because this is the only vacation i have ( only child) that i am mourning this loss really hard these days. He is struggling so badly this summer, i have never seen him this challenged.... Ive never seen him so " spectrumy".... Ive never felt so helpless with him that perhaps my saving for college is in vain, maybe he will never get there.. And maybe he will never live on his own... Or have a relationship with another person aside from me and dh...And i am really sad! Oh how i wish my plane went to Italy... And yes, looking around Holland isnt so bad, but, im just sad.

[Emschick38]

Some day soon Scarlett you will get there even if just for a moment. When he says something or smiles at you a special way. You reazlize that Holland has beautiful windmills.

I have not had to go to Holland but I do know that even 3 kids can be so super annoying at time I want to rip all my hair out, but that simple I love you or smile, just changes everything.

I hope you find your Windmill!!

[SamMom912]

Quoting Emschick38:

Some day soon Scarlett you will get there even if just for a moment. When he says something or smiles at you a special way. You reazlize that Holland has beautiful windmills.

I have not had to go to Holland but I do know that even 3 kids can be so super annoying at time I want to rip all my hair out, but that simple I love you or smile, just changes everything.

I hope you find your Windmill!!

Ive trained sam to say i love you back after i say it. He wont kiss me ( or anyone) doesnt really like hugs to last more then 1 second... Would love annoying kids... Sorry... Im down! With Dh gone and this stupid strike, my dad just told me he wont watch sam on his own when we go down to nc in 2 weeks... and to boot, next year when dh and i were planning our 15 th wedding anniversary my dad and his wife r going to alaska and my dad has always said he would watch sam for a big anniversary... When they had their 25th we (hubby and i sent them to hawaii) for my 10th they were busy... So went to RI for 2 nights... And now hearing that he is no help, the only family member i have wont watch my son not when we are there and not next year.... Ugh... Im done.
I need to shake this... Sorry about the vomiting here... Lol... Im just fried of 24/7 mommy. I just cant hack it

[Emschick38]

Quoting SamMom912:

Quoting Emschick38:

Some day soon Scarlett you will get there even if just for a moment. When he says something or smiles at you a special way. You reazlize that Holland has beautiful windmills.

I have not had to go to Holland but I do know that even 3 kids can be so super annoying at time I want to rip all my hair out, but that simple I love you or smile, just changes everything.

I hope you find your Windmill!!

Ive trained sam to say i love you back after i say it. He wont kiss me ( or anyone) doesnt really like hugs to last more then 1 second... Would love annoying kids... Sorry... Im down! With Dh gone and this stupid strike, my dad just told me he wont watch sam on his own when we go down to nc in 2 weeks... and to boot, next year when dh and i were planning our 15 th wedding anniversary my dad and his wife r going to alaska and my dad has always said he would watch sam for a big anniversary... When they had their 25th we (hubby and i sent them to hawaii) for my 10th they were busy... So went to RI for 2 nights... And now hearing that he is no help, the only family member i have wont watch my son not when we are there and not next year.... Ugh... Im done.
I need to shake this... Sorry about the vomiting here... Lol... Im just fried of 24/7 mommy. I just cant hack it

Vomit away!! (if it helps) Thats what we are here for.

[Cecelia712]

I am so sorry you're struggling with this. I know its not easy. And yes it is different when you only have 1 child. Nicholas was an only for 9 years. He was a horrible toddler. He had infamous tantrums. I was thrown out of more stores than I can count. I would hear people whispering about him and id yell at them and get into fights. Nicholas would beat the crap out of me. People thought I left my husband for beating me when it was really nicholas. He hit, bit, kicked. I always had a black eye or swollen lip. Countless bloody noses. I had him tested. I was told he had anger issues due to lack of speech and cmmunication. He was in anger managemengt classes for kids his age. And it was just me with him 24/7 cause his dad was all caught up in his 19 yr old girlfriend and her 5 year old daughter.
But sam is still so young. And your worrying for something that is nearly 20 yearsaway. Don't worry about that stuff yet. Focus on now. The medical field could be so different by then. There couldbe so many advances to help with spectrum issues. And just out of maturity and learning ways to cope with himself Sam could change so drastically. Just like rather than kicking me in the face while dressing him nicholas can now just tell me he doesn't like the feel of that shirt or those pants. Sam will learn to know what he likes or doesn't and will find ways to cope with them. He's still so young scarlett, don't give up hope.
I haven't offered a playdate because well, I think g would really set sam off, g is loud and touches things and I don't see sam enjoying him at all. But while nicholas is much older he is very calm and would sit and play video games with sam and play the pretend things sam likes cause nicholas likes those things as well. So if you ever need a little time for sam to at least be occupied g is in school in valhalla from 1245 till 315. That would give us an hour to be able to stop by or meet at a park maybe.

Quoting SamMom912:

Quoting Cecelia712:

And now my little holland is curled up on me snoring away. So maybe this isn't what I expected. And no mom really plans for a child with behavioral issues or delays. And there are times during the day id do anything to hop a plane to the perfect italy. But perfect italy doesn't have the personality of holland. I was given a holland and I love him just the way he is.

Im jealous. Im not there.... And maybe because i planned this trip to Italy for 4 years... And maybe because this is the only vacation i have ( only child) that i am mourning this loss really hard these days. He is struggling so badly this summer, i have never seen him this challenged.... Ive never seen him so " spectrumy".... Ive never felt so helpless with him that perhaps my saving for college is in vain, maybe he will never get there.. And maybe he will never live on his own... Or have a relationship with another person aside from me and dh...And i am really sad! Oh how i wish my plane went to Italy... And yes, looking around Holland isnt so bad, but, im just sad.