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My life is/was like whoa...

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It will be a year in April that I went to work. It's been a drastic change for me. I stayed home for 20 years, only to go right back in to work full time. It was like slamming on the accelerator and speeding super fast head first in to a whole new world.

I've had some ups and downs in regards to work but I try not to dwell on the downs and if I needed to vent about them, I did that here. Which I am grateful that I have this site to do that with.

I've had to learn to manage doing so much on little sleep and not a lot of time. Now, I'm not only working outside the home but in it and, that's been the toughest adjustment for me. Learning how to balance home and work. I'll admit I don't have a complete handle on that just yet but I am trying.

Since starting work, I've become a bit of a recluse. I find my self drifting away from people and things I used to enjoy. Not that I don't enjoy them things or people anymore. I think I just enjoy being home and not wanting to do anything.

Add to that Jessica's attempt and Ron's heart attack I feel a bit over whelmed at times. Lately it's been more often than not. My newest struggle is trying to find a GOOD counselor for Jessica that can work with in my time restrictions. Her last counselor wanted to only see her once a month. That's no where near enough. She needs to be seen weekly, if not twice a week. And one that is in my general vicinity, which seems to be damn near impossible. I took some personal hours from work yesterday to get her in to an emergency appointment. The hours were between 1 and 3. I was there at 2, waited until 4 or a bit after and was out of there by 5. I was told the head honcho had to review the file they started and they would get back to me. How long is that going to take? Her file was marked ASAP by the counselor she seen yesterday. That counselor flat out said she needs it yesterday and at least once a week. I worry about her all the time. I find my self crying over her quite often. Her last note I found was horribly heart breaking. I found this last Thursday. It's not the only one either. It's in Quotes....

"What's the point of living? Someone wanna tell me cause I sure as hell don't have a reason to anymore. I'm just tired of everything that went and goes wrong in my life. Jest let me sleep. forever"

Add to that Ron and his heart attack. Holy shit!! I found myself feeling and thinking I'm too young to be going through all of this. I took 9 personal hours for the 11TH of Feb. so I can go with Ron to his Cardiologist appointment. They are going to do a cardiolite stress test. So in short that means plan on at least 4 to 6 hours of being there. I was originally only taking 7 but figured that to be stupid. Go to work for 2 hours, then leave. By the time I set up, I would have to tear down and leave. We'd also be taking two separate vehicles. It made absolutely no sense, not to mention work and his Dr.'s office are 20 miles or so apart.

I sort of miss being able to stay in my jammies all day and chill. I think I need a week or two to do just that and gather my self. Hell, my last vacation was spent going to the hospital and spending all day there, only to come home and get ready for the holidays and entertaining a boat load of people. It wasn't a vacation at all. It was nothing but stress!

So my life is like whoa! Slow down, take a breath and relax, but I can't!

They say God don't give you any more than you can bare but my back is starting to bend. Much more and I'll crack!

by on Jan. 29, 2013 at 8:21 PM
Replies (21-23):
Jillysmom
by Adele on Jan. 31, 2013 at 9:41 PM
1 mom liked this

STOP IT RIGHT NOW!!! you did not fail her or let anyone down. Shit happens and sadly these kids have so much more to deal with then we did at their age. Too much presurre on them. It's today;s world You are doing everything you can. (((Christine)))

Quoting Wyldbutterfly:

Thanks. I will keep an open mind or at least try to. In fact, I know I need to. To me it's almost like admitting defeat as in I failed her.

Quoting SamMom912:


You may want to keep an open mind. One does not need to be dxd with anything to take an anti depressant. They are for perfectly normal people going thru tough times. It isnt anything she would need to do long term... It may be something that will help her get thru the crap that is high school today.... 

You may want to talk to a counseler about it for her. Its tough to see any good that is there when your bogged down like she is right now with all these bad thoughts. 

My SM deals with a lot of teens in her practice and is always telling me about low dose anti depressants for kids who really are able to handle HS and stuff much better,., hugs! 


Quoting Wyldbutterfly:


Quoting SamMom912:

Chris,

Im so sorry you are stretched so thin these days. Stress of all these changes and difficult challenges this year has been really hard. None harder then Jess, imo... Only cause that seems to be the most challenging, ron wants to get better and works with you. But jess, seems to be a constant struggle. Im glad ur not putting your head in the sand. You realize that all your work with her will pay off and ignoring it wont make it go away. I know it takes a ton of your energy, but i totally respect and commend your pushing through all this..and it will pay off. 

You know jess the best in this world... You will know when and if a DX is right. At that point, it wont matter, cause you know youll be doing right by her. Have they perscribed an anti depreesant for her? 


Would work let you take a sabbatical? The worst thing about employers today is thatbthey care only for their bottom line. I think years ago, employers were much more sensitive to families and respected them... Where today, it is much more cut throat. Which makes me sad... 

Hang in there.. Know we are here for you. I too think of you and your family and keep you all in my prayers. 

Scarlett, thank you. Yes, stretched thin is a good way of putting it!  

I tend to agree that Jess is the biggest issue I'm having. Working through it is tough but I wont give up or in. As for Ron, well, he mostly works with me. He's been eating more and more as of late. Yes, it's healthier food but that doesn't mean one can be a glutton! He loves to eat, always has. I'm amazed he's not ginormous!

As for a sabatical I can't take one until I've been there for a year. That would be FMLA. I'm not entiteld to that until July 23RD. That's the day I was actually hired on after my 90 days probation! They would only offer that to me after I've used all of my personal and vacation time. I can't say they are a family oriented company, that they are not. I wish they were. 

No to the antidepresents for Jess. I'm very hesitant to give any meds like those. Especially since she hasn't seen a counselor or psychologist long enough as of yet to be diagnosed.





SamMom912
by Platinum Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 7:47 AM


Chris, 

That made me sooooo sad for you?! Why on earth would you ever in a million years feel like you would ever fail with jess? Especially over medication (or did i misunderstand) 

First, id like to make you giggle by mentioning i know few people who survived high school without medication, sure, its self medication... Few drinks on weekend.. Few puffs on a given rough morning... All the way to a few friends who chose a bit of a harder self medication..who are very successful people today... They realized it was rough time and this helped them get thru.... And im not saying any of it was good... Some wasnt too bad though, and it was a temporary fix for issues at hand.

But the idea that there is a pharmaceutical unchaining for your daughter id welcome the professional medication to help her so she doesnt rely on the self medicating.  Id try welcome a mental relief for her. Is this something she will have to take forever... No. Its temporary.

Chris, hang in there.  

I have a gf who takes anti depressants. She has a very stressful successful career. She once mentioned to her dr that shed like to maybe wean herself off meds. He said sure, but why. She said.. Well, i dont know that its the best stuff for you.. He said, this is something youve been doing for 3 months... Your feeling good... We can try, but if you start stressing out and feeling bad, would you consider going back on. Would you? Kind od put oersepctive for her saying.. Why would i want to stress and feel bad...lol...

...Quoting Wyldbutterfly:

Thanks. I will keep an open mind or at least try to. In fact, I know I need to. To me it's almost like admitting defeat as in I failed her.

Quoting SamMom912:


You may want to keep an open mind. One does not need to be dxd with anything to take an anti depressant. They are for perfectly normal people going thru tough times. It isnt anything she would need to do long term... It may be something that will help her get thru the crap that is high school today.... 

You may want to talk to a counseler about it for her. Its tough to see any good that is there when your bogged down like she is right now with all these bad thoughts. 

My SM deals with a lot of teens in her practice and is always telling me about low dose anti depressants for kids who really are able to handle HS and stuff much better,., hugs! 


Quoting Wyldbutterfly:


Quoting SamMom912:

Chris,

Im so sorry you are stretched so thin these days. Stress of all these changes and difficult challenges this year has been really hard. None harder then Jess, imo... Only cause that seems to be the most challenging, ron wants to get better and works with you. But jess, seems to be a constant struggle. Im glad ur not putting your head in the sand. You realize that all your work with her will pay off and ignoring it wont make it go away. I know it takes a ton of your energy, but i totally respect and commend your pushing through all this..and it will pay off. 

You know jess the best in this world... You will know when and if a DX is right. At that point, it wont matter, cause you know youll be doing right by her. Have they perscribed an anti depreesant for her? 


Would work let you take a sabbatical? The worst thing about employers today is thatbthey care only for their bottom line. I think years ago, employers were much more sensitive to families and respected them... Where today, it is much more cut throat. Which makes me sad... 

Hang in there.. Know we are here for you. I too think of you and your family and keep you all in my prayers. 

Scarlett, thank you. Yes, stretched thin is a good way of putting it!  

I tend to agree that Jess is the biggest issue I'm having. Working through it is tough but I wont give up or in. As for Ron, well, he mostly works with me. He's been eating more and more as of late. Yes, it's healthier food but that doesn't mean one can be a glutton! He loves to eat, always has. I'm amazed he's not ginormous!

As for a sabatical I can't take one until I've been there for a year. That would be FMLA. I'm not entiteld to that until July 23RD. That's the day I was actually hired on after my 90 days probation! They would only offer that to me after I've used all of my personal and vacation time. I can't say they are a family oriented company, that they are not. I wish they were. 

No to the antidepresents for Jess. I'm very hesitant to give any meds like those. Especially since she hasn't seen a counselor or psychologist long enough as of yet to be diagnosed.






Wyldbutterfly
by Snow Bunny on Feb. 1, 2013 at 9:12 AM

I should have gotten her help much, much sooner. It's now Friday and I still haven't heard a frigging thing from the counselors. I feel as though if things wouldn't have gotten this far she wouldn't need meds to get her through. Yes, I've had her in to two different counselors, of which both were assholes. I could have been far more persistent in getting her help. I should have been.

Quoting SamMom912:


Chris, 

That made me sooooo sad for you?! Why on earth would you ever in a million years feel like you would ever fail with jess? Especially over medication (or did i misunderstand) 

First, id like to make you giggle by mentioning i know few people who survived high school without medication, sure, its self medication... Few drinks on weekend.. Few puffs on a given rough morning... All the way to a few friends who chose a bit of a harder self medication..who are very successful people today... They realized it was rough time and this helped them get thru.... And im not saying any of it was good... Some wasnt too bad though, and it was a temporary fix for issues at hand.

But the idea that there is a pharmaceutical unchaining for your daughter id welcome the professional medication to help her so she doesnt rely on the self medicating.  Id try welcome a mental relief for her. Is this something she will have to take forever... No. Its temporary.

Chris, hang in there.  

I have a gf who takes anti depressants. She has a very stressful successful career. She once mentioned to her dr that shed like to maybe wean herself off meds. He said sure, but why. She said.. Well, i dont know that its the best stuff for you.. He said, this is something youve been doing for 3 months... Your feeling good... We can try, but if you start stressing out and feeling bad, would you consider going back on. Would you? Kind od put oersepctive for her saying.. Why would i want to stress and feel bad...lol...

...Quoting Wyldbutterfly:

Thanks. I will keep an open mind or at least try to. In fact, I know I need to. To me it's almost like admitting defeat as in I failed her.

Quoting SamMom912:


You may want to keep an open mind. One does not need to be dxd with anything to take an anti depressant. They are for perfectly normal people going thru tough times. It isnt anything she would need to do long term... It may be something that will help her get thru the crap that is high school today.... 

You may want to talk to a counseler about it for her. Its tough to see any good that is there when your bogged down like she is right now with all these bad thoughts. 

My SM deals with a lot of teens in her practice and is always telling me about low dose anti depressants for kids who really are able to handle HS and stuff much better,., hugs! 


Quoting Wyldbutterfly:


Quoting SamMom912:

Chris,

Im so sorry you are stretched so thin these days. Stress of all these changes and difficult challenges this year has been really hard. None harder then Jess, imo... Only cause that seems to be the most challenging, ron wants to get better and works with you. But jess, seems to be a constant struggle. Im glad ur not putting your head in the sand. You realize that all your work with her will pay off and ignoring it wont make it go away. I know it takes a ton of your energy, but i totally respect and commend your pushing through all this..and it will pay off. 

You know jess the best in this world... You will know when and if a DX is right. At that point, it wont matter, cause you know youll be doing right by her. Have they perscribed an anti depreesant for her? 


Would work let you take a sabbatical? The worst thing about employers today is thatbthey care only for their bottom line. I think years ago, employers were much more sensitive to families and respected them... Where today, it is much more cut throat. Which makes me sad... 

Hang in there.. Know we are here for you. I too think of you and your family and keep you all in my prayers. 

Scarlett, thank you. Yes, stretched thin is a good way of putting it!  

I tend to agree that Jess is the biggest issue I'm having. Working through it is tough but I wont give up or in. As for Ron, well, he mostly works with me. He's been eating more and more as of late. Yes, it's healthier food but that doesn't mean one can be a glutton! He loves to eat, always has. I'm amazed he's not ginormous!

As for a sabatical I can't take one until I've been there for a year. That would be FMLA. I'm not entiteld to that until July 23RD. That's the day I was actually hired on after my 90 days probation! They would only offer that to me after I've used all of my personal and vacation time. I can't say they are a family oriented company, that they are not. I wish they were. 

No to the antidepresents for Jess. I'm very hesitant to give any meds like those. Especially since she hasn't seen a counselor or psychologist long enough as of yet to be diagnosed.







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