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To forgive or not eta

Posted by on Feb. 24, 2013 at 4:59 PM
  • 12 Replies

That is the question, my mil now wants to work through things. She sent me a message on facebook apologizing for her actions and would like to work through things. She wants to be a part of the kids life. She knows she messed up. She wants to change things before it's too late.
A part of me feels like too bad soo sad for you

she called dh's phone and asked to speak with me. we talked. she didn't realize what she was doing until another person told her she's a dang hypocrite and needs to do some serious soul searching, talking about how great your oldest son is and your beautiful grandkids that you never see or speak to. Mil is always complaining about her other son not calling his son, not caring enough to visit or call. just  simple phone call to make the kid feel loved and cared for. I don't know where he learned it from. smdh. I did agree to start over again but she has to call or write once a month. She has to treat all of the kids fairly. I won't say the exact same because they're very different kids. Dh says he is hopeful that she has changed but not countingcounting on it.

by on Feb. 24, 2013 at 4:59 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Mom2jngnc
by Stephannie on Feb. 24, 2013 at 5:17 PM

good luck! 

i just don't know what else to say.

Bonnie_
by on Feb. 24, 2013 at 6:03 PM

Well... if you believe in the Bible, then to forgive is the only option  because as it says in the Lord's Prayer  'Forgive us our sins as we forgive others.'.   That one line can't be taken lightly because you are asking God to give you the same consideration as you have given others in this life.   I don't know the circumstances of the rift  but  you have to ask yourself this.

1. Does my husband love his mother?

2.  Does my MIL love her son?   

3. Does my MIL love her grandchildren?

4. Do my kids love her?

Family bonds are very strong and so important to children.  Maybe  you could ask  for a meet up with your MIL .  For lunch somewhere on a neutral ground and let her speak her piece. Then you can tell her  you would  like her to be a part of yall's lives  but only  if it's not going to turn into something toxic.   Make sure  sure you tell her  that  you really love her son  and  hope  that yall can come to some sort of middle ground of respect at least for the sake  of him  and the children.  I don't  know what else to say  not  knowing the full story.  Good luck.

Cecelia712
by Gold Member on Feb. 24, 2013 at 6:49 PM
As I don't know the whole story either ( I think I've read bits and pieces of it from things you've posted about?) I can't say for sure.
But, I will say as long as she's not a physical threat to the kids I mght be willing to try. But id also warn her she's on thin ice with me.
I'm all for forgiveness, but abuse, even verbal, wouldn be tolerated. I cut out both my brothers and I have no contact with them because one was physically violent towrds me and he other was a financial drain. So I've done it, and don't regret it. You have to do what's best for you and your family.
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lady-J-Rock
by Niki on Feb. 24, 2013 at 6:56 PM
She lives five hours away and a lot of things went on. She has only seen my youngest once, when we went to visit. She treats my younger two ok but my oldest like crap. She is the same way with dh something is always more important than him. Doesn't matter what it is.
she will make promises then not honor them. The kids don't ask about grambee, the younger two don't recognize her pictures. All I ever asked for was a phone call, a letter,email contact between her and the kids and her son. not money, not gifts but that was too much stress for her. Well now she's sorry. I would like to think she has changed but we went down that road a few times.


Quoting Bonnie_:

Well... if you believe in the Bible, then to forgive is the only option  because as it says in the Lord's Prayer  'Forgive us our sins as we forgive others.'.   That one line can't be taken lightly because you are asking God to give you the same consideration as you have given others in this life.   I don't know the circumstances of the rift  but  you have to ask yourself this.

1. Does my husband love his mother?

2.  Does my MIL love her son?   

3. Does my MIL love her grandchildren?

4. Do my kids love her?

Family bonds are very strong and so important to children.  Maybe  you could ask  for a meet up with your MIL .  For lunch somewhere on a neutral ground and let her speak her piece. Then you can tell her  you would  like her to be a part of yall's lives  but only  if it's not going to turn into something toxic.   Make sure  sure you tell her  that  you really love her son  and  hope  that yall can come to some sort of middle ground of respect at least for the sake  of him  and the children.  I don't  know what else to say  not  knowing the full story.  Good luck.


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Jillysmom
by Adele on Feb. 24, 2013 at 6:57 PM

As long as there was no abuse I would try but with a warning. Life is too short and our kids need their grandparents.

SamMom912
by Platinum Member on Feb. 24, 2013 at 7:27 PM

Id deffer to your hubby on this. If he wants to put the effort in and wants you to put the effort in then i would, for him. If you want to give her a second chance, it would be nice of you, but i can tell you that i would let her know up front what your expectations are and if they are too much, then she'llhave made your decision real easy for you. She is not allowed to disappoint your kids or be mean to any of them at any point. She is not allowed to disrespect you or hubby. 

When my mom wamted to have a relationship with me, i told her flat out that THIS is what I needed for her to do. She told me that she couldnt do that.... ( i was asking her to get some help from a dr) that she was fine and if i didnt like her the way she was, i could go F myself. So, there it was then.... I knew what i was dealing with, and she made my decision very very easy.

Burn me once shame on you... Burn me twice, shame on me. 

elwalters77
by Erica on Feb. 24, 2013 at 7:33 PM

I guess you could give her one more shot, since she obviously gets it and came to you and apologized. You need to lay down some ground rules though and stick to them! Good luck!

Ewa101
by Ewa on Feb. 25, 2013 at 7:16 AM

I am glad you decided to give your mother in law a second chance, both for the sake of the kids and your husband.  I hope it works out.

Jillysmom
by Adele on Feb. 25, 2013 at 7:45 AM

Glad to hear she called and when you talked you told her. Hoping she lives up to it.

elwalters77
by Erica on Feb. 25, 2013 at 12:37 PM

Glad you talked. That's really all you can do. The ball is in her court.

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