So this AM I went to the gym with my friend.
normally I have a good time with this friend. Today, not so much.
I was telling about Sam last night. How we had that play date in the AM cause Friend had thing to do-- then off to school- then crazy afternoon (watching a house full of kids) and how at the end of the day Sam had a really hard time.
He was yelling, defiant, grumbling, mean, rude... but that he was DONE. The whole day just demanded of him and at 7pm, he was done.
I told her the story about how he freaked out and yelled at me when I was reading the book, how I told him I would finish the book and then was done. Then again how he yelled at me when after he apologized... and I said- what are you sorry for... how he yelled "you know what Im sorry for!" and stormed out... (which I was telling as kind of a funny story.
but INSTEAD I got "the lecture".... the lecture about how I am a permissive parent because I didnt punish my son for yelling at me... how by NOT punishing him, he is learning that it is ok... how what I really need to do is spend EVERY DAY like yesterday (pushing him to his limit) so that he learns that life is hectic and can meet demands every day! and goes on to tell me that HER son played basketball from 8-9 then school- then went to after school care and ran around outside all day- then came home, played outside some more, then came inside (and fussed a little about having to come in- but she put her foot down) and he ate his dinner did then did his homework and took a shower.. then went to bed.. and this makes her a better parent.
So ladies... (you know me... Im too nice!) I said very calmly... You and I are playing 2 different games, with 2 distinctly different rules. You have a typical kid. I DONT.
and she went on to say - we are both parents... its just "I am tougher on my kids and my kids are better for it. Youre too easy on Sam. You let him get away with too much...and that is why you have these problems"
Now, Ive towed that hard line... and it got me meltdown after meltdown, after meltdown. Ive been the strict rigid parent... but Sam could NOT meet what was being asked of him- no more then a child in a wheelchair could walk up the stairs. I learned from PROFESSIONALS that I coudlnt BE the rigid one- that I HAD TO be the FLEXIBLE ONE. Only Thru Me could Sam learn flexibility-- and he is doing great and becoming more flexible in his thinking and actions.... I had to be the one to be empathetic for SAM to learn it-- and he is doing great there too!!!!
So punishing him would have taught him what? whos boss? He knows who's boss. He was just DONE... When I am done and stressed out and overloaded I freak out too.. do I do it less cause IM OLDER then 6.. YES.. Do I do it less cause I can regualte my emotions better. YES. Should I YELL at Sam for yelling at me.. of should I realize after this taxing day--- there was NOTHING left of him- that EVERYTHING was on his last nerve and setting him off... and cut him some slack? We talked this morning about how we could better handle a day like yesterday and Sam had some great ideas...
Ladies, you know Im a good caring assertive person- smart- problem solver... dont you THINK that if being the strict rigid parent worked- Id still be doing it???
SIGH.... so alas, Now, I fear I am done with yet another friend... since I wont be "judged" like that from a friend... with friends like that... who needs enemies. Ya know? Im going to give it a little bit...