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What should have happened?

Posted by on Mar. 17, 2014 at 2:25 PM
  • 16 Replies

So a good friend of mine has a 10 year old DD. She is a very sweet nice, shy girl. She is in 4th grade and is one of 12 girls in the class. There was a birthday party for a girl in the class last Saturday. DD was not invited. My friend thought nothing of it, even though her DD was upset... Friend explained, you cant be invited to every party.. To that point, my friend found out that the other 10 girls in the class were invited and her DD was meanly excluded... As in bullying.. (Girls sometimes bully by exclusion). To which she got upset and called 3 other moms of girls in class explaining that she felt this was bullying.. And wondered if she should reach out to the mom of the girl... They all emphatically said NO.. As this mom is a bit cookey.but my friend also felt her friends should NOT allow their DDs to go to the party knowing that it was a bully tactic.. But they all allowed their Dds to go... 

I felt really bad for everyone involved. Whats your take... Bully? Mean? 

I thought perhaps the mom forgot to invite- but no, it was made clear that friend DD was not invited. 

by on Mar. 17, 2014 at 2:25 PM
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Replies (1-10):
CorpCityGrl
by Bronze Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 2:30 PM

I think that was really mean to purposely exclude her like that and invite everyone else.  That doesn't seem like it was an oversight but done of purpose and I think that is a bit of a bullying tactic.

SamMom912
by Platinum Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 3:48 PM

Do you think the other moms should have boycotted the party?

Quoting CorpCityGrl:

I think that was really mean to purposely exclude her like that and invite everyone else.  That doesn't seem like it was an oversight but done of purpose and I think that is a bit of a bullying tactic.


CorpCityGrl
by Bronze Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 3:51 PM
1 mom liked this

Ooooh...that's a tough one.  For me, if my daughter was really good friends with the girl who was boycotted I may consider it.  However, I would speak to my daughter about it first to really gauge what is going on and where her stance is on it.  I think that you can invite whoever you want, but when you invite a whole entire class and leave out one single person then that just seems deliberate and mean.

Quoting SamMom912:

Do you think the other moms should have boycotted the party?

Quoting CorpCityGrl:

I think that was really mean to purposely exclude her like that and invite everyone else.  That doesn't seem like it was an oversight but done of purpose and I think that is a bit of a bullying tactic.



SamMom912
by Platinum Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 3:55 PM

My friends DD is good friends with 3 of the girls.. (And thought she was friends with the girl who excluded her.. So she was really hurt). And my friend feels the moms should have taught their DDs not to support the bullying. 

Its a tough spot... :( 

Quoting CorpCityGrl:

Ooooh...that's a tough one.  For me, if my daughter was really good friends with the girl who was boycotted I may consider it.  However, I would speak to my daughter about it first to really gauge what is going on and where her stance is on it.  I think that you can invite whoever you want, but when you invite a whole entire class and leave out one single person then that just seems deliberate and mean.

Quoting SamMom912:

Do you think the other moms should have boycotted the party?

Quoting CorpCityGrl:

I think that was really mean to purposely exclude her like that and invite everyone else.  That doesn't seem like it was an oversight but done of purpose and I think that is a bit of a bullying tactic.




CorpCityGrl
by Bronze Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 3:58 PM
1 mom liked this

It IS a tough spot to be in as a mom.  The incident could definitely have been used as a talking point for parents and their daughters.  I think I would've used it as such with DD (who is only 3 right now).

Quoting SamMom912:

My friends DD is good friends with 3 of the girls.. (And thought she was friends with the girl who excluded her.. So she was really hurt). And my friend feels the moms should have taught their DDs not to support the bullying. 

Its a tough spot... :( 

Quoting CorpCityGrl:

Ooooh...that's a tough one.  For me, if my daughter was really good friends with the girl who was boycotted I may consider it.  However, I would speak to my daughter about it first to really gauge what is going on and where her stance is on it.  I think that you can invite whoever you want, but when you invite a whole entire class and leave out one single person then that just seems deliberate and mean.

Quoting SamMom912:

Do you think the other moms should have boycotted the party?

Quoting CorpCityGrl:

I think that was really mean to purposely exclude her like that and invite everyone else.  That doesn't seem like it was an oversight but done of purpose and I think that is a bit of a bullying tactic.





happynewyorker
by Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 4:08 PM

Let me see if I got this.  Your friend (friend a) 10 year old daughter had a birthday party.  The mother invited 10 girls from the class and not friend B's daughter?  The 10 year daughter of friend A, wasn't happy that friend B's daughter was invited?

Maybe Friend A wants her daughter to hang out and socialize with these 10 girls from the class and not with Friend B's daughter.  Maybe friend a wants to have an adult relationship with Friend B and not with her daughter. 

In the past I have invited friends to my daughter's birthday and not friends that have a relationship with my daughter.  It has nothing to do with bullying. Its I don't like the child.

I don't see how it's bullying? Friend B seems to be making a big deal about this.  She's creating too much friction and it will hurt her daughter, especially if parents address it to other parents at school.

Would I have boycotted the party because Friend B's kid didn't attend.  No way!! I would make the best of the day with my daughter (Friend B's daughter). 

This Friend B should be addressing her issues with Friend A and no one else. 

Hey my daughter doesn't get invited to many birthday parties at school.  It doesn't upset her nor me. 

So glad you're hearing both sides.

Mom2jngnc
by Stephannie on Mar. 17, 2014 at 4:19 PM

I didn't get the impression that Mom A who had the party, and Mom B who'se daughter wasn't invited (and the ONLY girl not invited) are friends.


Quoting happynewyorker:

Let me see if I got this.  Your friend (friend a) 10 year old daughter had a birthday party.  The mother invited 10 girls from the class and not friend B's daughter?  The 10 year daughter of friend A, wasn't happy that friend B's daughter was invited?

Maybe Friend A wants her daughter to hang out and socialize with these 10 girls from the class and not with Friend B's daughter.  Maybe friend a wants to have an adult relationship with Friend B and not with her daughter. 

In the past I have invited friends to my daughter's birthday and not friends that have a relationship with my daughter.  It has nothing to do with bullying. Its I don't like the child.

I don't see how it's bullying? Friend B seems to be making a big deal about this.  She's creating too much friction and it will hurt her daughter, especially if parents address it to other parents at school.

Would I have boycotted the party because Friend B's kid didn't attend.  No way!! I would make the best of the day with my daughter (Friend B's daughter). 

This Friend B should be addressing her issues with Friend A and no one else. 

Hey my daughter doesn't get invited to many birthday parties at school.  It doesn't upset her nor me. 

So glad you're hearing both sides.





happynewyorker
by Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 4:32 PM

 For me Friend A, did it for her own reasons.  I don't know why Friend A did it. But, if it happened last week, then it's over and done with.  Unless Friend B wants to continue to figure out why.

In my book, adults do things for certain reasons. Maybe she didn't like the girl.  I don't know what the reason is.  But to boycott a child's party because a parent feels that her child is being bullied.  Then the mom is ummmm....... what is that word..... oh, yes.  A bully herself.

Instead of addressing the issue with the other parents Friend B needs to address the issue with Friend A and not bring others into the situation.  Yah, we all complain and want our friends to agree with us with various situations.  But realistic Friend B should take her frustration and call Friend A and find out why or what was the reason for it. 

 

Quoting Mom2jngnc:

I didn't get the impression that Mom A who had the party, and Mom B who'se daughter wasn't invited (and the ONLY girl not invited) are friends.

 

Quoting happynewyorker:

Let me see if I got this.  Your friend (friend a) 10 year old daughter had a birthday party.  The mother invited 10 girls from the class and not friend B's daughter?  The 10 year daughter of friend A, wasn't happy that friend B's daughter was invited?

Maybe Friend A wants her daughter to hang out and socialize with these 10 girls from the class and not with Friend B's daughter.  Maybe friend a wants to have an adult relationship with Friend B and not with her daughter. 

In the past I have invited friends to my daughter's birthday and not friends that have a relationship with my daughter.  It has nothing to do with bullying. Its I don't like the child.

I don't see how it's bullying? Friend B seems to be making a big deal about this.  She's creating too much friction and it will hurt her daughter, especially if parents address it to other parents at school.

Would I have boycotted the party because Friend B's kid didn't attend.  No way!! I would make the best of the day with my daughter (Friend B's daughter). 

This Friend B should be addressing her issues with Friend A and no one else. 

Hey my daughter doesn't get invited to many birthday parties at school.  It doesn't upset her nor me. 

So glad you're hearing both sides.

 

SamMom912
by Platinum Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 4:36 PM

No... Im going to use fictional names to keep it straight. Lol My friend Amandas aughter tess was not invited to Lindseys party, even thought tess thought she and lindsey were friends. 

Tess's friends Steph, Liz and Nikki were all invited to Lindseys party, along with ALL the other girls in Tess and Lindseys class. 

When my friend Amanda heard that Steph, Liz and Nikki were gojng to a party that her DD was excluded from ad a bully tactic, she called their parents and suggested they may want to keep their children home from the party, or suggest to Lindsey she not be a bully.

Quoting happynewyorker:

Let me see if I got this.  Your friend (friend a) 10 year old daughter had a birthday party.  The mother invited 10 girls from the class and not friend B's daughter?  The 10 year daughter of friend A, wasn't happy that friend B's daughter was invited?

Maybe Friend A wants her daughter to hang out and socialize with these 10 girls from the class and not with Friend B's daughter.  Maybe friend a wants to have an adult relationship with Friend B and not with her daughter. 

In the past I have invited friends to my daughter's birthday and not friends that have a relationship with my daughter.  It has nothing to do with bullying. Its I don't like the child.

I don't see how it's bullying? Friend B seems to be making a big deal about this.  She's creating too much friction and it will hurt her daughter, especially if parents address it to other parents at school.

Would I have boycotted the party because Friend B's kid didn't attend.  No way!! I would make the best of the day with my daughter (Friend B's daughter). 

This Friend B should be addressing her issues with Friend A and no one else. 

Hey my daughter doesn't get invited to many birthday parties at school.  It doesn't upset her nor me. 

So glad you're hearing both sides.


happynewyorker
by Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 4:47 PM
1 mom liked this

 

Yikes!! Well, if the Amandas Aughter Tess wasn't invited and the mom heard from the other moms that they were invited and Tess wasn't.  Then I would ask for all the information and on the day of the party, brought Tess over.  Then if there was a problem it would have been addressed.

I feel that Amandas needs to contact Lindsey's mom and find out what happened. get it out in the open. Us parents do things for our own reason, they feel logical to us, but not to other people.

Quoting SamMom912:

No... Im going to use fictional names to keep it straight. Lol My friend Amandas aughter tess was not invited to Lindseys party, even thought tess thought she and lindsey were friends. 

Tess's friends Steph, Liz and Nikki were all invited to Lindseys party, along with ALL the other girls in Tess and Lindseys class. 

When my friend Amanda heard that Steph, Liz and Nikki were gojng to a party that her DD was excluded from ad a bully tactic, she called their parents and suggested they may want to keep their children home from the party, or suggest to Lindsey she not be a bully.

Quoting happynewyorker:

Let me see if I got this.  Your friend (friend a) 10 year old daughter had a birthday party.  The mother invited 10 girls from the class and not friend B's daughter?  The 10 year daughter of friend A, wasn't happy that friend B's daughter was invited?

Maybe Friend A wants her daughter to hang out and socialize with these 10 girls from the class and not with Friend B's daughter.  Maybe friend a wants to have an adult relationship with Friend B and not with her daughter. 

In the past I have invited friends to my daughter's birthday and not friends that have a relationship with my daughter.  It has nothing to do with bullying. Its I don't like the child.

I don't see how it's bullying? Friend B seems to be making a big deal about this.  She's creating too much friction and it will hurt her daughter, especially if parents address it to other parents at school.

Would I have boycotted the party because Friend B's kid didn't attend.  No way!! I would make the best of the day with my daughter (Friend B's daughter). 

This Friend B should be addressing her issues with Friend A and no one else. 

Hey my daughter doesn't get invited to many birthday parties at school.  It doesn't upset her nor me. 

So glad you're hearing both sides.

 

 

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