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What should have happened?

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So a good friend of mine has a 10 year old DD. She is a very sweet nice, shy girl. She is in 4th grade and is one of 12 girls in the class. There was a birthday party for a girl in the class last Saturday. DD was not invited. My friend thought nothing of it, even though her DD was upset... Friend explained, you cant be invited to every party.. To that point, my friend found out that the other 10 girls in the class were invited and her DD was meanly excluded... As in bullying.. (Girls sometimes bully by exclusion). To which she got upset and called 3 other moms of girls in class explaining that she felt this was bullying.. And wondered if she should reach out to the mom of the girl... They all emphatically said NO.. As this mom is a bit cookey.but my friend also felt her friends should NOT allow their DDs to go to the party knowing that it was a bully tactic.. But they all allowed their Dds to go... 

I felt really bad for everyone involved. Whats your take... Bully? Mean? 

I thought perhaps the mom forgot to invite- but no, it was made clear that friend DD was not invited. 

by on Mar. 17, 2014 at 2:25 PM
Replies (11-16):
Mom2jngnc
by Stephannie on Mar. 17, 2014 at 5:10 PM
3 moms liked this

love the made up names..... lol

Quoting SamMom912:

No... Im going to use fictional names to keep it straight. Lol My friend Amandas aughter tess was not invited to Lindseys party, even thought tess thought she and lindsey were friends. 

Tess's friends Steph, Liz and Nikki were all invited to Lindseys party, along with ALL the other girls in Tess and Lindseys class. 

When my friend Amanda heard that Steph, Liz and Nikki were gojng to a party that her DD was excluded from ad a bully tactic, she called their parents and suggested they may want to keep their children home from the party, or suggest to Lindsey she not be a bully.

Quoting happynewyorker:

Let me see if I got this.  Your friend (friend a) 10 year old daughter had a birthday party.  The mother invited 10 girls from the class and not friend B's daughter?  The 10 year daughter of friend A, wasn't happy that friend B's daughter was invited?

Maybe Friend A wants her daughter to hang out and socialize with these 10 girls from the class and not with Friend B's daughter.  Maybe friend a wants to have an adult relationship with Friend B and not with her daughter. 

In the past I have invited friends to my daughter's birthday and not friends that have a relationship with my daughter.  It has nothing to do with bullying. Its I don't like the child.

I don't see how it's bullying? Friend B seems to be making a big deal about this.  She's creating too much friction and it will hurt her daughter, especially if parents address it to other parents at school.

Would I have boycotted the party because Friend B's kid didn't attend.  No way!! I would make the best of the day with my daughter (Friend B's daughter). 

This Friend B should be addressing her issues with Friend A and no one else. 

Hey my daughter doesn't get invited to many birthday parties at school.  It doesn't upset her nor me. 

So glad you're hearing both sides.



lady-J-Rock
by Niki on Mar. 17, 2014 at 9:41 PM
How many times has the girl been invited before and declined the invite? I invite people a few times and they continue to decline then I stop inviting them over or to parties.
SamMom912
by Platinum Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 10:07 PM

None that I know of... As I said, Tess is sweet but shy. Im doubting shed ever been invited to lindseys.. My friend Amanda sometimes tries to be empathetic to me with Sams social issues based on her challenges with Tess being shy, reserved, quiet.... This is Tess's first year in the intermediate school ( 4,5,6 th grade) im not sure Lindsey even went to elementary where tess went as our 2 elem schools meet in 4th grade. :( 

Quoting lady-J-Rock: How many times has the girl been invited before and declined the invite? I invite people a few times and they continue to decline then I stop inviting them over or to parties.


Cecelia712
by Gold Member on Mar. 19, 2014 at 10:22 PM
1 mom liked this
I haven't been on for a few days. What was the outcome?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Kmary
by Bronze Member on Mar. 20, 2014 at 5:59 PM

I'm late to this party, but here's my take:  I do think it was super mean and yes, bullying by excluding is very much a form of bullying typically perpetuated by girls (despite my distaste for the overuse of the word bully, I'd say it very may well apply here).  All that being said, aside from being a teachable moment for everyone involved, in the shoes of the mother of those invited, I probably wouldn't prohibit my daughters from attending as a form of boycotting.  I totally get the sentiment, but they're only 10.  I'm just not sure I think they should be "forced" to take a stand.  Now if the parents want to explain the whole situation and give the girls an option of not going to make a point, then great.  I doubt any of them would decide to not go, but it still would make them think and be a teachable moment. 

What ended up happening with all of that?

SamMom912
by Platinum Member on Mar. 20, 2014 at 6:13 PM

So Amandas friends sent their kids,,, they complained to Lindsey that Tess wasnt there and several times said "boy, Tess would have loved this"... And Lindsey ened up appologising ti Tess for not inviting her, She blamed it on her mom saying that her mom said she could only invite 10 girls and supposedly her mom didnt realize that would leave Tess out... 

tess and Lindsey are ok. my friend Amanda wishes she could got gotten her weekend back (as she was upset so much by this endeavor). Im also friends with Stephs mom, and she too thought it was tacky and bullyish, but wouldnt keep steph home. 

Quoting Kmary:

I'm late to this party, but here's my take:  I do think it was super mean and yes, bullying by excluding is very much a form of bullying typically perpetuated by girls (despite my distaste for the overuse of the word bully, I'd say it very may well apply here).  All that being said, aside from being a teachable moment for everyone involved, in the shoes of the mother of those invited, I probably wouldn't prohibit my daughters from attending as a form of boycotting.  I totally get the sentiment, but they're only 10.  I'm just not sure I think they should be "forced" to take a stand.  Now if the parents want to explain the whole situation and give the girls an option of not going to make a point, then great.  I doubt any of them would decide to not go, but it still would make them think and be a teachable moment. 

What ended up happening with all of that?


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