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Posted by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 3:48 AM
  • 8 Replies

My husband recently was deployed and has been gone for 6 months. He just got back for his 2 week leave, and its soooo strange between us? is that normal. Does it get back to normal? he leaves again for 5 months, and then will be back for good.

by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 3:48 AM
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by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 4:30 AM

It is completely normal. While you are apart, you grow as individuals.  You kind of get your own routine going at home, start doing things your way. He's coming home expecting things to be exactly the way they were when he left, and no matter what, they're not. I know in many cases when the hubby returns, he kind of feels like we don't really need him because we've managed so well, or that he doesn't fit in any more because things have changed. Talk to him about it. When he gets back for good, if things don't improve in a couple of weeks I would look into counseling, but many couples go through it after deployments. It doesn't mean he doesn' love you any more, or anything like that, its just that things have changed and YOU have changed and HE has changed. It's like getting used to each other again. It will just take some time. Good luck and if you need to chat, pm me.

by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 7:39 AM

To give you a soldier's perspective...I've been in the military 4 years and deployed twice. I'm telling you this stuff cause your hubby might not feel comfortable talking about it...No matter how many times you deploy, you never fully get used to it. The transition of going from a war zone to the homestead can be a shock on your brain. Going from walking around with a loaded weapon, watching your buddies back to going to the store for a gallon of milk, can really mess with your head. Half the time we don't realize it until we're speeding down Main Street, swirving around pot holes and coming to a dead stops when we see a bag of garbage on the road. And all the while, whoever is in the car with us, thinks we're off our rocker...He'll be a little distant or quiet or even irratable at first but it won't last too long...HOWEVER!!!! If he becomes vilent or agressive with you, please god get some help fast. I've seen one too many wives who think they can fix it on their own and end up almost getting beat to death.

by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 7:43 AM

It is very normal. My husband has been in since 88, so he just knows to jump into it when he gets home.  He's deployed now, since June, coming home In Feb. for midtour leave.  you just get into ur own routine when he's gone.  U have been taking control of everything, so it's hard to give up any of that control when they get back because ur used to doing it.  When my husband was getting ready to come back from Afghanistan in 07, i sought out a counselor, and had an appt. made for after he got home for good, just so that i would know what i would be dealing with, from his perspective, and how to handle it, etc.  And communication techniques for when he gets back, because they are always alittle different.  I started seeing the counselor by myself for about 2 wks before he got home, then we went together.  That might help u kinda understand what they may be feeling returning to their family after being gone for a year and u guys have been doing ur own thing, new "routine" while he's away, etc.  Just a thought, but counseling helped me understand a lot better so i was way more sympathetic and could handle some of the things he was feeling cause i had a heads up and some tools to handle it!!  Hope this helps.

by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 9:05 AM

Its weird. It takes several deployments to get used to them coming home and having it not be so weird. You get used to being an only parent in a way, and when the come home, you have to relinquish some of that responsibility. It takes practice, but you eventually get used to it. 

by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 10:20 AM

Its normal. He's probably seen and experienced things that have changed him, thats really unavoidable plus you haven't been together for 6 months. There's usually some adjustment period needed. Just try to be understanding and normal as possible.

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by Nikki on Jan. 3, 2010 at 1:49 PM

Definitely normal. If you are a reader, maybe look on Amazon for some books to help you transition. If there are any briefs or classes at your base offered, take them. They really do have some great information. Also, has some great resources as well. It will take some time for both of you. And follow the advice of the PP that if he gets violent or out of hand, get outside help. Some things are not meant to be handled at home.

by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 3:08 PM

Its normal 

by on Jan. 4, 2010 at 6:11 PM

i would like to know the same he left end of september, but thing is im expecting when he comes home for leave in april, i already feel like sometimes when we speak we argue but idk if its out of just missing him or what? i  try not to stress him as much as possble but my preg mood swings get the best of me, any advice???

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