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Is it just us that fight alot during deployment??? (poig)

Posted by on Jan. 10, 2010 at 11:17 PM
  • 24 Replies

This is probably going to sound so retarded and trivial to you ladies- but my husband is deployed and we argue ALL THE TIME!! Its driving me up the wall. We talk every day online, sometimes twice a day. And all the time something will come up and we will end up arguing. I don't know if its because I'm pregnant or because he is really stressed with this deployment or what, but its gotten so bad a few times I've told him I want to start communicating less. I think maybe we are talking TOO much, and with all the stress its just making us negative with each other. 

Has anyone else experienced this? I know we should really be appreciating the communication we have available, but its driving me insane arguing all the time. HELP if you have any ideas please! I love my man and want this to STOP!

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by on Jan. 10, 2010 at 11:17 PM
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by on Jan. 10, 2010 at 11:33 PM

i haven't fought any during our deployment but i have heard a lot of people that have been the same as you... i heard its some thing like the husbands distancing themselves so it will be easier for them to be so far away... that hasn't been true for my husband but he did take his wedding ring off and put it on his dog tags so that he wouldn't constantly look at it and get distracted.. they have alot going on over there without the distractions of home.. i'm sure its not any easier that we are pregnant... my husband is constantly worried and wanting to know everything about how i'm feeling.. just go into the conversations with a good attitude and dont bring up to much stressful info and maybe it'll get better. 

by on Jan. 10, 2010 at 11:45 PM

maybe try cutting back the talking? my husband and I had a few little arguments at first when we started our deployment...and we talked EVERY day...and now, we talk every few days...he's been really busy preparing for R&R...and preparing for his promotion and what not...just try not to let the little things get to you...I know it's hard when you're pregnant for everything to NOT annoy

mother to a free spirited little girl...animal lover...and wife to a wonderful army man...


by Nikki on Jan. 11, 2010 at 12:24 AM

If we begin to argue and things get heated, we get off the phone/ IM. I refuse to argue with him online; it is pointless to me. And, this is going to sound morbid, but God forbid something happen to him and our last convo was spent arguing. I couldn't handle that. The stress is easy to succumb to during deployments, especially while dealing with pregnancy hormones as well. Trust me, I know, lol!! Arguments are going to happen, but if it is daily, you may need to take a step back and maybe take a day off. Good luck. I hope you get things figured out soon :)

by on Jan. 11, 2010 at 6:20 AM

We refuse to argue while he is gone.  It was a pact that we made before he left.  If either one of us starts getting upset or annoyed by something the other person said we immediately change the subject and apologize.  We will not get off the phone mad at each other.

I would consider limiting communication to every other day and if you feel a argument coming on just change the subject or tell him that he's right to end the argument before it starts.  ;)

by on Jan. 11, 2010 at 6:46 AM

I have argued with hubby on other deployments and have on this one as well, not bad, but still have.  A lot of it is stress on my part, and when i hear his voice i just start venting about everything going on, and i really should bring it up better sometimes, and sometimes he's just dead tired and is stressed about work.  It's normal, but u have to diffuse it quickly.  It's a waste of time to argue, and I always think "What if this were the last conversation i had with him........"  I would feel awful if it went that way the last time.  U both have stressful jobs now that he is deployed and both need to recognize that and understand each other's irritation at times.  Good luck.

by Bronze Member on Jan. 11, 2010 at 7:24 AM

We don't necessarily fight while he's deployed but we do tend to fight when he's away at different schools. I think we've had a fight once or twice while he was deployed.

by on Jan. 11, 2010 at 7:33 AM

Your right, your both stressed.  He is there and you can't see what he is going through and vice versa.  Best thing is to support each other.  Stay neutral ground, weather, general health, family stuff.  If you can see an arguement coming up, say I don't want to fight then change the subject and maybe this will help.  Normally couples fight before the deployment, and sometimes during.  it also doesn't help that you are pregnant and he's not there. 

by on Jan. 11, 2010 at 8:38 AM

I was pregnant during our first deployment.  I do remember getting angry alot when he would try to tell me how to parent the other two while he was gone - but we tried very hard not to argue.

Now that he's on his second deployment, and thankfully I am not pregnant, we don't argue at all.  We have been in situations where one of us is in a grumpy mood, so we just say "Ok, now's not a good time.  I love you and I'll talk to you later".  Just like a previous poster - I could not bear it if my last conversation with my husband was not positive.


by on Jan. 11, 2010 at 8:39 AM

I've fought with my husbnad quite a bit whilw he's been gone it's super stressful for both of you not having them home and when you talk so much you run out of things to talk about. And if he was home I'm sure you'd have some fights or arguments too maybe not as much casue you wouldn't be so stressed and being pregnant while he's gone sucks(I just did it) Just make sure you always say "I love you" before he goes even if you're still mad at him. Aurging is perfectly healthy, I've tried to make sure that when I realize I'm wrong I swallow my pride and admit it. There's no point in still aurging once you know you're wrong just for the sake of whining. And when you're sure he's wrong it helps with my husbnad at least to say something like I'm sorry I over reacted then calmy explain how I feel. Good luck hang in there and don't feel bad about Auguing just let him know you love him

by on Jan. 11, 2010 at 9:36 AM

My husband and I didn't argue at first, we argued the last couple of months and alot. I didn't know why but maybe it was self consciouslya  trust issue on my part, (you know some of them women are fast as hell). My husband had a very long deployment (18 months), I think while he was gone he felt like he was missin everything. Things were changing, some good some bad, all we had was each other so when we had somethin to vent about it would be more blaming each other than tryin to help when we both needed it. I went through family issues, depression, doubted alot, but if your strong enough and your husbands worth it keep busy, try not to argue if you feel one coming change the subject. When My hunny came home all those arguments didn't matter cause I finally had I sound like a newlywed. I honestly couldn't have a better husband and soldier he is a wonderful man, and sometimes the most irritating person but I love him.

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