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Apparently if you support your husband your wrong...

Posted by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 9:36 AM
  • 34 Replies

Or so my MIL says. My husband is in the pre-enlistment process. He has been studying for the ASVAB and losing weight so that he can enlist. His family is completely against him joining the Army. I however feel like I am his wife and as his wife it is my duty to support his decision. I know that this will be the hardest thing we will ever do But i know how bad he wants this. His mom keeps trying to plant the seed of doubt in my head. She says so many rude things like, "He won't want to come back and be apart of your family" She says things like that in front of our son. I am just tired of her and the rest of his families negativity. I ignore her but sometimes i just want to yell! How do you all deal with it?

by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 9:36 AM
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by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 9:45 AM

It sounds like she has a lot of displaced anger and fear. Regardless she has no right to take it out on you. You are doing a great job by supporting him. If I were you I would tell her exactly how I feel (in the calmest way possible) Tell her you understand her fear because I am sure that this isn't the easiest thing for you or your son. I would end it by telling her that if she doesn't respect your families decision she should at least refrain from comments in front of your son, because the last thing you need to deal with is your son feeling like daddy is or will abandon him because of her comments.

Brandy (Mom to 3 Handsome Boys and 1 beautiful little girl)
by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 9:49 AM

I was lucky and hubby was already military when I met him. His whole family supports his decision. Tell her yes, it is hard, but as his family, you should all stand behing him. Else, when he's gone, half of your support system will be missing. 

by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 9:51 AM

thank you Ladies! I always tell her I might not be thrilled about this but I support my husband. His Aunt was doing the same thing and I told her off in the nicest way possible. I told her that sometimes in life we have to be selfless instead of selfish and she quit talking to me.

by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 9:54 AM

I would just remove myself from around her. If being around her was completely unavoidable I would straight up tell her if she has nothing positive to say she needs to 1) keep her mouth shut in front of our child, and 2) better yet, just keep it to herself.

navy Lovin my sailor!

by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 9:59 AM

I stay away from her as much as possible. My husband refuses to talk about the Military with her because he knows how she is. I just wish they would be a little bit supportive. My side of the family is proud of him.

by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 10:05 AM

My husband is in the Marines. He's been a reservist, but when his unit got called up for deployment about a year ago he made the decision to go active perminantly and stay for career. When he made that decision his mom freaked out entirely. She blames me telling me I'm "tearing her family apart", she tries to convince me that this is going to ruin our relationship and any chance we have at a normal life.

Now I was not thrilled when he made this decision, but I understand why and the reasons he had made me very happy, and I fully support everything he wants to do, especially when it's to suport me and our future baby. Unfortunately it's hard to deal with MIL. My best advice is to make sure he knows about everything his mother is doing. Everything she says all the threats and doubts she's planting. If he knows everything, hopefully he'll say something to her. Sometimes it's just easier to let him deal with his mom and avoid her as much as possible.

Lilypie Trying to Conceive 21 to 37 day cycle tickers

"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly" ~Unknown
by Amber on Jan. 18, 2010 at 10:16 AM

Thank you for being supportive of him and I hope you guys enjoy your new life. Hopefully his family will come around.


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The Military Moms

by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 10:43 AM

Thank you all for your support. I am glad I am not alone. I hope they come around, If not oh well. It won't change our decision to continue this journey.

by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 12:45 PM

I was also lucky & my hubby was military when we started dating and then decided to join ROTC & go active after college graduation.  His family also supported his decision though I know they didn't really understand it at the time.  I agree with the other posts- you need to calmly tell her how you feel, that it is your job to support your husband, and they should be proud of him as well.  

I'm not going to lie and say it's always easy, its not.  But it's rewarding as well. 

CafeMom Tickers

by on Jan. 18, 2010 at 1:02 PM

Hi there, 

I know EXACTLY what you are going through. My MIL didn't support my hubbies decision to go active Army as well. My parents thought he was very stupid for doing it. I told them, it's "our" decision, and if something were to happen to him, god for bid during deployments it was his time. You can't live your life in fear. Don't listen to anyone but eachother, you have to make that decision and be happy with it. My hubby wanted to go airborne and WOW that DIDN'T go over well with his mom, and I basically told her, it's not her decision, it's his. I know your worried, but it's his choice. She still was very upset, but when it comes down to it, it is my hubbys choice. I fully support him. My hubby got out of a dead end job, lost weight, went in, and he is the happiest I have seen him in a long time!! I have met wonderful ppl, we get to travel, it is hard at times, being away from him, for his training, it isn't easy, but it's so worth it, when you are together. I haven't had to do a deployment yet, but he is in school right now. I go the privilage of going with him to school, as his schooling is 9 months. I wish you all the best of luck in your journeys, if you have any questions feel free to contact me, and welcome future "Army wife" 

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