I Dont Know What To Do...I Am So Lost Without Him.

[AEN22]

 My dh left for bct on monday...i didnt think it would be this hard without him..but now i know that he is very much important to me and i feel like a piece of me is gone...my 2 yr old keeps looking for daddy and asking for him and it just makes me cry. idk what to tell him and what to tell him that he will understand. i just wanted to know if any one ha suggestions on how to keep from getting depressed and how to keep my dhs memory fresh on my sons minds...my dh is so afraid that our ds's will forget him and i don't want that to happen. plus i just got informed that dh wont be getting any type of pay until may 1st....is that right? my bil got his first check 2 weeks after he went in...i came to visit my parents for a couple of months while he is gone...but i still feel like there is something missing....will this feeling go away? and how long does it take to g\"get used to it"?

[CoastieWifePR]

As for the paycheck I have no idea.  For your kid you can try showing him pictures of your SO, that's what I did with my son when hubby left for the first time for 3 months, so my son did not forget about daddy, and every time he could call I put him on the phone.  As of you, try to keep busy, busy, busy.  The busier you are the faster time will go by.

[Alwaysnesting]

It really does get easier (note--- NOT fun ever, but it gets easier to deal). It's all about making time with friends and family and keeping that support group involved and around. I told my daughters whenever daddy was gone he was working far away and he missed us and would come home just as soon as he could. I showed our girls pictures of daddy and we made sure to give them each special time on the phone with him. It will get easier for you and your LO to find a pattern that works for you. Good luck!

[armycoppertop]

If he shipped Monday, then at the latest he should get a pay on 15 April, it doens't take THAT long to process pays... I shipped August 14 and had a full paycheck Sept 1, well, minus the "pay advance" that we all got so that we could get stuff we needed to have from the shoppette, like some people didn't have proper running shoes, we had to stock up on our hygiene and laundry soap and whatnot like that. That came out of our first paycheck.

 

When my ex deployed, he had read books to a video camera for the kids, I had pictures hanging up of him that they looked at daily, I played our wedding video at least once a month (so they got to see daddy smash cake in mommmy's face!), and when he was able to call, I made sure to put the phone to both my 3 year old and infant's ear (ex deployed the first time the day my son turned 11 weeks old, my daughter was 2.5 at the time he left, he was gone for 5 days over one year exactly - left 1 Apr, came home 5 Apr the next year). I flooded him and his Soldiers with care packages, I was sending five medium moving box sizes a week because a couple of his Soldiers would have prefered to eat MREs instead of the crap they got served off some food truck (the chow hall next to the open sewer drainage didn't open til about three months before they left) so I was sending food for them to snack on, hygiene, games, books, etc. Care packages kept me busy, then the FRG events, library story time each week, I got a gym membership at a local gym off post that included free childcare and I went twice a day for two different classes, plus frequent swims and working out on my own, plus helping babysit my friend's kid (she'd come to my house to babysit my kids while I went to my shrink, then about two hours later I go to her house to babysit her daughter while she went to her shrink!).

[amberdy]

My daughter was 2 years and 8 months old when my husband left for BCT and I was 5 months pregnant.   I told my daughter that daddy had to go away to work and he was going to be an Army guy when he came home.  She was fine with that.  We would talk about my husband, she would draw pictures for him and I'd send them to my husband, etc.  Your son won't forget your husband.   The hardest part for me was that we moved 700 miles away from any family 5 months before he left for BCT, so I was completely alone in a new state pregant, with a toddler and no family.  I ended up getting really involved in church with Sunday school, playgroups for my daughter, etc.  I don't think it took us a month and half to get our first pay check, but it's been 9 1/2 years, so I don't really remember.

[violinjewel]

When my husband went to basic, my daughter was six months old. He didn't come home until after she was year old. I just showed pictures of my husband to her everyday, and told her that was daddy. Now my husband is deployed, and we have a little boy now. My son was seven months old when he left. I do the same with him, and show him pictures. We also have been able to webcam, and both my kids know that its daddy when they see him, the get so excited. I tell my kids that daddy is just at work right now, and he will be home when he is done. It takes awhile to start to feel better, its hard, but as it goes on, it gets easier. Just keep yourself busy. Do stuff everyday to pass the time with your son, even if its just going to the park, or going on a walk. We go to the mall and wander and window shop, and sometimes I'll buy the kids a snack there, or if we have enough money lunch, just depends on the day. Anything to get you out of the house. You can write letters to your husband, which will be the best form of communication for awhile when he gets you an address. You can send pictures to your husband of your son, and that will help him through. My husband loved getting pictures of us. Have your son do projects for daddy, like coloring pictures, that he can also send with your letters. If you send greeting cards, have your son help pick them out for daddy, my kids love doing that. I wish you the best

[jmetz4]

I made our 2 year old a daddy doll. You can buy them too ( hugahero.com ). He loves it. He sleeps with him everynight. When he is mad at me he takes his daddy doll and talks to him. I also have pictures of him everywhere. The first time they got their phones back I asked him to send me one picture. He sent me like 6. So I printed those out and have one next to Connor's bed, one of each all around our room, 2 on the fridge. He is always between our room and the kitchen area so they were the best places to put them. My DH is still in BCT but we are almost finished. You are going to have weeks that seem to take forever. Also stressed out not so happy letters. But as I'm sure everyone else has said, keep busy.

[hobbitswife04]

Well, first off, if the feeling of a part of you is missing when he's gone, ever goes away, you have a problem. It does get a little easier to deal with however. You learn to get yourself and your kids into a routine and stay busy. Boot camp is just your introduction to seperations. Rest in the fact that he's safe and being taken care of. Its going to be really hard on him, and you too, but thats boot camp. Just be loving and encouraging. IT will be over before you know it.

[TabethaBeth]

 A group that may help give you something to do .. I don't know how old your children are but MOPS .. Mothers Of PreSchoolers group.. they meet do outings just when you move for military and you have no friends it is a good group to get involved with.  They normally have parents of babies all the way up to 5 or 6 year old .. you would have to contact your local group to find out but it helps you meet people with kids in your area.

[usmclife58]

The feelings are normal. And they will go away... Sorta. Or you just get used to them. Something like that. I hope the time passes quickly for you!

[AEN22]

 thanks mommas for the advice...i noticed once my dh left that i havent really given our military ppl or families the credit that they deserve, this has changed my point of veiw in alot of ways. all you military moms,wifes,families and all of our soldiers are greatly appreciated and i am thankful for the sacrifices you all make for our country. thanks for the help.