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Please Help..I Need Some Advice!!

Posted by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 11:59 AM
  • 20 Replies

So here is my dilemma...me and my husband will be moving to texas in august (we are currently in GA) I have a 4 yr old (almost 5) daughter who I share 50/50 joint custody of w/ her father (my ex). she has always spent exactly the same amount of time w/ each of us. but now that i am moving to texas, she will most likely have to stay living w/ her father and he will get full custody of her, and she will come visit us like on Christmas, Spring break, a few weeks during the summer, etc. my question is, what would be the easiest way to get her to and from me? my husband thinks we should put her on a plane (by herself) every time its time for her to come visit. but i am not really liking that option too much. ( and neither is me ex...he says he will NOT allow his child to get on pane by herself, ever) I know that kids fly by themselves all the time for this very reason, but just the thought of putting my baby girl on plane by herself scares me. not to mention, i myself have never been on a plane, and she hasnt either....but at the same time, it would take a total of 4 days of driving for me to drive all the way to GA and back, from Texas. I just dont know what to do...any advice would help!

by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 11:59 AM
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Replies (1-10):
CorbinsMomma
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 12:04 PM

Could you meet in the middle and trade off?  Other than driving or one you flying to get her and both of you flying back, and then Daddy flying to get her from you and them flying back...options are limited. My Best Friend is dealing w/ trying to figure out how to get her kids to Germany right now to visit their dad when he PCSs next year.

themacs4
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 12:06 PM

 I would try and meet half way like the pp said.  I do think 4 or 5 is awfully young to be flying by herself.  Would your ex be willing to do the halfway thing?

chrlstoncharmed
by Melissa on Apr. 19, 2010 at 12:07 PM

I'm in your exact situation. Why can't she stay with you? I'm just curious because I faced the same agonizing decision and I came to a completely different conclusion.

My daughters are shuttled from Texas to Wisconsin for visitations. But they are older - 9 and 11 - so they do fly. I have done the drive, though. My ex and I have met in the middle. It's a haul, but you do what you have to do.


Luv.My.Soldier
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 12:21 PM


Quoting chrlstoncharmed:

I'm in your exact situation. Why can't she stay with you? I'm just curious because I faced the same agonizing decision and I came to a completely different conclusion.

My daughters are shuttled from Texas to Wisconsin for visitations. But they are older - 9 and 11 - so they do fly. I have done the drive, though. My ex and I have met in the middle. It's a haul, but you do what you have to do.



Its just the decision we thought would be best for her. She is VERY attached to her father and his family, and that is the lifestyle she is used to. I feel that if i were to snatch her up and move her across country that she would be absolutely miserable and would have a hard time adjusting to this kind of lifestyle. i mean dont get me wrong, I love my daughter more than life itself, and its not like she doesnt want to be with me, its just that I know she would be happier living with her father than with me, moving every few years or so...this is not an easy decision and I dont want her to think I chose my husband over her or that i didnt want her. I knew going into this that one day I would be in this situation. And also, i have spoken w/ lawyers and they have said i could go to court and fight for her, but that in more cases then not, the judge rules in favor of the non-relocating parent, since it would disrupt the life the child is used and would cause more damage than good.

Silly3smom
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 12:23 PM

Christoncharmed,how did you get your ex to agree to let you move out of state?

violinjewel
by Julia on Apr. 19, 2010 at 12:27 PM

I would see if you all could meet half way, as others have said. Other then that I have no advice, as I have never been in the situation. Good luck.

Luv.My.Soldier
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 12:33 PM


Quoting violinjewel:

I would see if you all could meet half way, as others have said. Other then that I have no advice, as I have never been in the situation. Good luck.


 

Yeah meeting halfway might work, but even then its a 12 hour trip one way, so it'd still take two days of traveling. then another two to take her back. But thanks for the advice!

chrlstoncharmed
by Melissa on Apr. 19, 2010 at 12:41 PM

I really don't know how I got him to agree. I suppose it's just the way it worked out. My ex knew that if we divorced, I would go right to Charleston to be with my family.

I actually hung on for 6 years longer than I wanted to because my ex always threatened me, "If you leave me, you'll never get your kids". Finally, I called bullshit. I was leaving and I was leaving with my kids. I gave birth to them - they are my "job" and I wasn't going to hand over my responsibilites to my ex just because he threatened me.

My lawyer said that most judges these days award custody to the same sex parent. He gave me a scenario about a mom who left her 3 girls to be raised by the father (she had visitation) and they grew up to resent their mother. Little girls need their mommies.

Regarding the lifestyle, he said no judge would take my kids away from me just for moving them out of their home state. He said there are two lifestyles ... one is very parochial and the other is very worldly. Neither one of them is wrong.

But children do not suffer just because they are moved around. If anything, it broadens their horizons and molds them into social, resiliant, adaptable adults. They see more of the world ... the real world ... not just what they read about in school textbooks or what they see of it on TV. A good education is more than just sending a child to school. We treasure each new experience.

Anyway, we make it work and we make the absolute best of it.

Quoting Silly3smom:

Christoncharmed,how did you get your ex to agree to let you move out of state?


MommaSpry
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 12:43 PM

 Here's a Bump, I couldnt Imagine only getting my dd for visits, I dont know how people do it.

Luv.My.Soldier
by on Apr. 19, 2010 at 1:02 PM


Quoting chrlstoncharmed:

I really don't know how I got him to agree. I suppose it's just the way it worked out. My ex knew that if we divorced, I would go right to Charleston to be with my family.

I actually hung on for 6 years longer than I wanted to because my ex always threatened me, "If you leave me, you'll never get your kids". Finally, I called bullshit. I was leaving and I was leaving with my kids. I gave birth to them - they are my "job" and I wasn't going to hand over my responsibilites to my ex just because he threatened me.

My lawyer said that most judges these days award custody to the same sex parent. He gave me a scenario about a mom who left her 3 girls to be raised by the father (she had visitation) and they grew up to resent their mother. Little girls need their mommies.

Regarding the lifestyle, he said no judge would take my kids away from me just for moving them out of their home state. He said there are two lifestyles ... one is very parochial and the other is very worldly. Neither one of them is wrong.

But children do not suffer just because they are moved around. If anything, it broadens their horizons and molds them into social, resiliant, adaptable adults. They see more of the world ... the real world ... not just what they read about in school textbooks or what they see of it on TV. A good education is more than just sending a child to school. We treasure each new experience.

Anyway, we make it work and we make the absolute best of it.

Quoting Silly3smom:

Christoncharmed,how did you get your ex to agree to let you move out of state?

 


 

Another concern is, every time we have to move, which of course would be every few years, if i DID get custody of her this time around, will i have to go back to court every time we have to move? i know legally i have to give him notice of change of address but i just dont how stuff like this works when you're in the military.

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