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Is a sexless marriage a good enough reason to cheat?

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Tell me your thoughts on this.

My Wife Won't Have Sex with Me' Is a Pathetic Excuse to Cheat

Posted by Jacqueline Burt
on May 27, 2011 
mad couple

Awww. Poor Arnold Schwarzenegger. It's not his fault he cheated -- Maria's a prude, apparently, and their marriage was sexless! Well, this changes everything! What else was the poor, neglected guy supposed to do? It's just like when Jesse James justified cheating on Sandra Bullock and compared her (unfavorably) to his new flame's performance in bed (Kat Von D).

We forgive you, Arnold and Jesse ... not!!

Cheating on a spouse is bad enough, but to try to pin the blame on her after you split up ... well, that's just pathetic. And it's not just celebs who try to use this get-out-of-jail-free card; I've heard plenty of everyday men cop the same lame excuse. This is a two-fold offense: First, if sex was really the problem in a couple's marriage, it's safe to say both parties were at fault (maybe she wasn't "in the mood" because he doesn't know what the definition of "foreplay" is). These are issues that both spouses need to be vocal about on a consistent basis, talking through problems as they come up. Second, if a woman's been cheated on, guess what? She already feels like a doormat. To diss her sexual skills after you've already broken her heart is tacky, it's cruel ... it's a big bowl of wrong, that's what it is.

Of course, in the end this kind of behavior has the exact opposite effect of what these guys intended: It makes them look like total d-bags and their wives look like saints. It also makes them look insecure, which makes everyone doubt their sexual skills ("No wonder she didn't want to have sex with you!"). So yeah, go ahead and run your mouth off, Arnie. We'll just snicker about the side effects of all those steroids you did.

by on May. 28, 2011 at 5:33 PM
Replies (21-30):
by on May. 29, 2011 at 1:00 AM

I agree with everyone else! There is no reason to cheat, ever. If you have a sexless marriage and are unhappy... seek therapy or divorce. Dont put your family through hell because of selfish needs IMO.

by on May. 29, 2011 at 1:03 AM

I could deal with sexless. Heck I wouldn't mind if it was sex once a month or twice a year. Just as long as our ducks were in line.

by on May. 29, 2011 at 8:14 AM

There is never a good reason to cheat.

by on May. 29, 2011 at 8:16 AM

you should never cheat in a marriage. If sex is an issue there are probably underlying issues as well. i would try couples therapy first but if it didn't change after a few months then yes a sexless marriage would be grounds to divorce.

by on May. 29, 2011 at 8:34 AM
I don't agree with it ever....a sexless marriage means its time to throw in the towel and end it. Needs should be met and it looks like its not happening.
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by on May. 29, 2011 at 10:04 AM

Nope.  Not an excuse, sorry.

I've said it before and I will say it again.  I don't care if you're a man or a woman.  If there are problems in your relationship, your choices are fix it, end it, or accept it.  Cheating is not an option.

by on May. 29, 2011 at 10:10 AM
Yeah, not a good reason. Mosty because there is no good reason to cheat.

Quoting SarahJean70:

I'd say a sexless marriage is a good reason to check out therapy.

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by Nikki on May. 29, 2011 at 12:34 PM

To me, there is no reason to cheat. Not a single thing can justify cheating. You have issues (no sex, no feelings, whatever), then you talk to your spouse. Period. Come to a compromise- counseling, open marriage, divorce.

by Anonymous 1 on Dec. 1, 2012 at 9:00 AM
1 mom liked this

I know this may make me wildly unpopular on this forum, but many times, yes, I do think being in a sexless marriage is a reason to cheat. I would not have always said that. Here is what changed my mind. I have a married friend, a man, and we have been dear and platonic friends for 12 years. He has been married for 20 years and he is a very sweet person whom I have never heard speak ill or anyone or in any kind of deragatory manner.  I was quite suprised when he recently confided in me that he is in a sexless marriage and that he and his wife sleep in seperate bedrooms and have for the past 9 years. Now, before you get cynical ladies. He was NOT coming on to me, he was obviously and clearly distraught and really needed someone to talk to. I know this man pretty well. He is moral, kind, loving, hard-working and supportive of his wife and a devoted father to his 2 children. He says his wife lost interest in sex after their first child and he has tried talking to her and it leads to her being defensive and angry with him.

On the other side of the fence, I have my married female friends complaining of the same thing and my heart has broke for them as I assure them that they are beautiful, attractive, loving, women and that it is NOT thier fault if their husbands do not wish to have sex with them.

So, why is it that we can feel compassion for a woman in a sexless marriage, but when a man says his wife isn't having sex with him, many would be inclined to blame HIM or assume he is on the prowl and a jerk!

by Silver Member on Dec. 1, 2012 at 9:22 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm 42 which sometimes seems really old. The majority of my friends and associates of around my same age, a little younger a little older. When having girlfriend talk I have heard an awful lot about a lot of different kinds of marriages. What I am willing to live with may not be what someone else is willing to and vice versa. Also I'm willing to deal with a lot different things now that I used to think hell no I'd never put up with that. My views have changed considerably. 

It's extremely important to remember when hearing about someones "situation" there are ALWAYS three sides to every. single. story. His, Hers and the Truth. As an attorney I have heard some wildly and vastly different takes on the same situation. Point being, it's really not for us to judge since we really don't know the third side of the story.

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