Moving with a 3 year old - need advice, support, and encouragement

[AFMamaButterfly]

Hello! I joined this site because I really need some support from some moms who have been in my shoes. We are currently in the middle of an extended PCS. It is a complicated one. We just left Germany and are headed to Hawaii, and my husband has a TDY for training in between. We have chosen to have the kids (ages 3 and 7) with me in CA (with my family) while my DH does his training in OK. We were going to join him for a bit in the middle of the training but my DD (the 3 year old) is REALLY struggling with this move, so we have decided to have us stay put now rather than uproot her again for OK and then again for HI). That is why I am writing. My parents, who never uprooted us growing up, don't understand how this move is affecting my daughter. She is having horrendous meltdowns/temper tantrums, sometimes a couple of times a day. They have lessened quite a bit as she is beginning to feel more settled here, but still happen quite frequently and are a sight to see when she is having one. She has always been a very strong willed child and is one who has always preferred her own house over any kind of traveling. I know that she is having these as badly as she is as a direct result of the move (they basically started the day the packers arrived, even though we had prepped her for it and seem to be easing some the longer we are here). However, every time she has one my parents try and convince me that this just isn't normal and that she needs to be evaluated. I have done a ton of research and know from that that sometimes kids don't handle moves well (Germany is all she has ever remembered) and that her outbursts, while extreme, are not that abnormal. I guess what I am looking for is advice on handling them, encouragement from moms who have had a similar experience, and some support so that I know I am not alone. My DH is doing the best he can to support me emotionally fom afar, but I feel really isolated and alone. My parents mean well, but I am stressed enough without them adding to it. I have told them stories other friends have related to me about their moves back from overseas with preschoolers, but they don't seem to believe me. Thanks for any help you can offer!

[barmelino]

I honestly don't know what to say about your parents other than to print out some supporting articles and talk to them to explain why your daughter could be acting out.... such as how much anxiety and uncertainty there is with moving. Being an adult with many moves behind me I still get really nervous when we have a PCS coming up. What I highly recommend for your daughter is to prepare her for the move. My children get to pack a backpack with some of their favorite and (most comforting) toys that they can have access to at any point in time during our travels and then they also have certain blankets that always travel with us. I will also sit down with them and pull out a map and search for pictures of what we might expect when we get to the next station (They are only 2 and 3 so age doesn't matter) I think it is about trying to get your children excited for the move by expressing your excitement. This past move was difficult for us because my daughter had a difficult time with the movers taking all of our boxes (her stuff...her stuff was all she kept saying) so I explained where the movers were going and we took out a car and a map and mapped it all the way to our "house" and then we told her that we were going to follow the moving truck.... Because I couldn't find much info about this base we focused a lot of our attention onto how we wanted to decorate her room (princesses duh lol)

Also, talk to your daughter about daddy being in training etc because that may be also fueling her anxieties... I know that was the most difficult part of my husbands first deployment... we moved back with family and the kids couldn't understand why daddy wasn't coming with us.

Good luck momma... just remember to stay patient, you will get through this!

[adrianna1043]

If she is three and only melting down a couple of times a day, I would say she is pretty normal.

[barrelracer1699]

I don't have any advice, my son was just shy of 3 but we only moved 8 hrs. Hope some of these ladies can give you some advice! GL

[SierraLynn]

There is nothing wrong with a 3 year old flipping out because her world has been turned upside down.
Just try to explain to her in a way she will understand that you have a new home to go to, waiting for you. That its a new adventure.

[denise3680]

she may be reacting to the emotions and feelings of the adults around her.  if your parents are not being supportive and you are stressed out, that may be effecting her in a negative way and not so much the moving around.  My oldest who is only 9 has moved 4 times, with another pcs in June, she reacts to her surroundings, so I try to make it as stress free as possible.  Relax, play make believe with her and make it a grand adventure, everything will be ok.

[cocoroo]

She sounds like a normal 3 yo to me.  I have no help though.  Three of my four children moved around that age and they adjusted well because I handled it well.

[usmclife58]

My daughter has those all the time. And we have not had a PCS since she was 8 months old. It is just a stage that some kids go through. Tell your parents that you appreciate their concern, but they need to let you be the parent.

[dballa]

Empathize with her, sympathize with her and try to explain things as much as possible.  Try to make it like an adventure. Don't get stressed out over the move in front of her.  Kids can sense that and feed off your emtions.

I've only moved baout 9 hours away with my then 2 1/2 year old and a 3 week old.  She adjusted well though.  She always has been very flexible because we've been traveling with her since she was a baby. 

Good luck!

[Jonasmom]

My DD went through something similar, but the opposite. We PCS'ed when she was just shy of 2 1/2. For the first 6 weeks she would not talk to anyone, wanted to be carried everywhere, and held on to her blanket (her security item) for dear life. It will pass as she becomes more secure with her new environment.

[USAFamily]

I have 3 yo and we just did an international Pcs. In the mean time, my girls (I also have a 6 yo) haven't had their beds, blankies, toys.... none of their 'normal' since Dec 28. Do they have melt downs? Yes! Some days I feel like having a melt down. Transition is really hard, and even more so on kids who cannot comprehend their worlds, literally, turning upside down. Your parents may not get it, and that's ok. You just need to be their for your kid. She needs to know she is safe and secure- and where you are doesn't matter as long as you're together. Sorry if I'm rambling, but we are literally going through this now- and its been a long couple months lol!