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How upset would you be...

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Lets say you have 4 kids and are pregnant with a 5th. You buddy up to another sahm and ask her to watch the kids at your home from 5:30am to an unknown time the day of induction. The other sahm would need to wake up her kid to bring them her. How mad would you be if the other mom said 'hell no' after intially saying yes (with the info that she would be on call in case your sister couldn't come). I should add, the other mom gas asked ger to find someone just for the am and she claims everyone is busy. Opinions please....I know, personal trashy business all over the Internet. I am hopped up on pain meds after my bicycle threw me, my mental filter is broken :P


eta: her husband is home and not working, only am musters. I am still going to help her, but I told her she needed to find someone else for the early am or someone to takeover at noon. Thanks ladies ;)
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on May. 1, 2012 at 10:58 PM
Replies (11-20):
sailorwifenmom
by on May. 2, 2012 at 2:23 AM

Yeah, family dynamics can be tricky at best.  It sounds like a rough situation for everyone :-(

Quoting 4ever-SJ:

Quoting sailorwifenmom:




Yep. It could go either way - she's a nut or her family is. Something is amiss.


Of course, my sister is a greedy bitch, but she still man's up and flies cross-country to watch my younger children when my ds1 has to be hospitalized. Who knows when it comes to family dynamics?


sodsoldierwife
by on May. 2, 2012 at 8:12 AM

I think every situation is unique...depending on location, friendships, family status, deployments etc. That said, if you're expecting and you know things could go either way, you should have a plan of action, actually you should have several plans of action for the just in case scenarios.

Asking someone to watch your kids for when you go in labor is a big chore for another person to take on. There are so many variations to how child birth can play out, not everything will be text book. No one should rely on just ONE person to go to in the event of sudden labor (it does happen). 

Anyone can have something else arise, including the so-called "sitter". What were to happen if the sitter had an emergency, could one still be pissed? Not hardly!!  It's to each their own and never count on anyone to be your saving grace! 

When I was pregnant with my very first, my parents were in Germany. They flew out several days before my due-date to be there, just for the birth. But I didn't have any other kids to be watched. When I was pregnant with my twins, my DH was deployed. I had several plans set into place, until my mom could fly out to be with me, but she was literally a 3hr flight away at that time. Thankfully I had a friend that kept my daughter for me when I went into the hospital and when the twins finally made their appearance, my daughter happened to be visiting with her dad. Again, when I had my 4th (and last) we were in Hawaii. There was no way for my mom to be able to make it, because labor is one of those sneaky bastards. It was 11pm when I finally realized I needed to go to the hospital. I called my first back-up, woke up my kids, and we drove the kids to her place (she was happy to do it, since we were really close). My kids stayed with her until we came home 2 days later. But I also had other alternatives just in case. 

Ultimately, I'm not the one being inconvenienced to watch my own kids. Making a contingency plan or two is not unheard of. Or maybe it is?? LOL

(you is used in general)


Pugsmuggler
by on May. 2, 2012 at 8:12 AM

I know her family that is local are kind of jerks, sadly. She has several friends in the area but they all work. When I agreed to do it originally, she was planning on letting labor happened naturally (her last labor for 4 hours total, I am jealous). Which I know could have meant the middle of the night. I feel obligated to do it because I said I would, but I am still sore about it because I know she asked me because she felt like I wouldn't say no. She burned a lot of people by 'telling' two other ladies to throw her a baby shower a few months ago, she wanted it a certain and told them the week of. I hate feeling used, and I know I put myself in this situation >.<

Quoting sailorwifenmom:

I've been the one on call, and they brought the other kids to me.  Yrs ago, when we had our dd, we didn't have family there (well, no family there when either was born, but child care wasn't an issue with ds...).  We took our ds to the people who were going to watch him.

But, if the person had agreed to go to them, then was backing out of it, depending on how close I was to my due date, and how much time I had to make other plans, then yes, I probably would be pretty upset.

If they weren't willing to do it, they shouldn't have agreed to begin with.  Not everyone can rely on their family, even if they're close by.  Now, if they hadn't agreed to do this from the get - go, then that's a different matter.  A person shouldn't feel obligated to say yes to a request.  But, once someone says yes, they should do it, unless there is a very good reason that they can't. 


barrelracer1699
by Chel on May. 2, 2012 at 8:19 AM

I would do it for a good friend. Although I agree with a PP that if they couldn't/didn't want to then they shouldn't have said yes to begin with! I am lucky that I am only 7 hrs away from home and my mom comes every chance she can. She was here to watch my son when we went in wtih my daughter. She was here when I broke my foot and had to have surgery! Some people have a great family, others not so much.

sailorwifenmom
by on May. 2, 2012 at 8:19 AM

I do feel for you, and I don't blame you for feeling a bit resentful, especially with her burning all the bridges and everything, and I totally get the whole, "they asked me because they know I won't say no" thing :-(

I would feel the same way, obligated to do it because I said I would, but at the same time, feeling a bit used.  Especially if she was going to let it happen naturally, then, after getting me to agree to it, changed it to being induced, and going with starting the inducing that early. :-(

It sounds like a rough situation all around, I don't envy you for it at all.  How old is your little one?  Is he/she old enough that they can maybe stay all night at her house the night before, so at least you don't have to get your child up that early, you could just go over while all the kids slept?   Or maybe you also stay the night, so you don't have to get up that early? 

I hope it works out for you guys :-(


Quoting Pugsmuggler:

I know her family that is local are kind of jerks, sadly. She has several friends in the area but they all work. When I agreed to do it originally, she was planning on letting labor happened naturally (her last labor for 4 hours total, I am jealous). Which I know could have meant the middle of the night. I feel obligated to do it because I said I would, but I am still sore about it because I know she asked me because she felt like I wouldn't say no. She burned a lot of people by 'telling' two other ladies to throw her a baby shower a few months ago, she wanted it a certain and told them the week of. I hate feeling used, and I know I put myself in this situation >.<

Quoting sailorwifenmom:

I've been the one on call, and they brought the other kids to me.  Yrs ago, when we had our dd, we didn't have family there (well, no family there when either was born, but child care wasn't an issue with ds...).  We took our ds to the people who were going to watch him.

But, if the person had agreed to go to them, then was backing out of it, depending on how close I was to my due date, and how much time I had to make other plans, then yes, I probably would be pretty upset.

If they weren't willing to do it, they shouldn't have agreed to begin with.  Not everyone can rely on their family, even if they're close by.  Now, if they hadn't agreed to do this from the get - go, then that's a different matter.  A person shouldn't feel obligated to say yes to a request.  But, once someone says yes, they should do it, unless there is a very good reason that they can't. 



penneylane
by Silver Member on May. 2, 2012 at 8:28 AM

i'd be upset if someone who already told me yes changed their mind and said no. when you are preggers and then have to scramble again to think of a new plan its frustrating.
for the last 2 deliveries i had no one to watch my kids so one daughter watched her sister being born and this past one in february we were expecting the same and a nurse came over and took our kids to the room over to watch the movies we brought while i was pushing. they cleaned up the room and brought them back in. maybe she could get lucky and her hospital do that for her too.

sodsoldierwife
by on May. 2, 2012 at 8:32 AM

It does suck for her that her family is littered with Jerks. It's unfortunate but does happen. It's also sad that that she's burned bridges and feels the need to make you feel like you're obligated. I would say, tell her to come up with altnerate plans. Not that you're not trustworthy and dependable, but that things can happen and situations arise. To solely rely on you to be her sitter is a bit assinen, but that's just me!! 

:( Sorry you feel stuck...there's nothing worse! Chin up...hopefully, maybe, she'll come to her senses a least a little bit!!?!

Quoting Pugsmuggler:

I know her family that is local are kind of jerks, sadly. She has several friends in the area but they all work. When I agreed to do it originally, she was planning on letting labor happened naturally (her last labor for 4 hours total, I am jealous). Which I know could have meant the middle of the night. I feel obligated to do it because I said I would, but I am still sore about it because I know she asked me because she felt like I wouldn't say no. She burned a lot of people by 'telling' two other ladies to throw her a baby shower a few months ago, she wanted it a certain and told them the week of. I hate feeling used, and I know I put myself in this situation >.<



Pugsmuggler
by on May. 2, 2012 at 8:47 AM
My ds is 20 months, they have a twin air mattress I could sleep on with ds... But I think I would just wind up more tired lol. We only live 5 minutes away, I know I just need to suck it up :P I am just feeling crabby about lol.

Quoting sailorwifenmom:

I do feel for you, and I don't blame you for feeling a bit resentful, especially with her burning all the bridges and everything, and I totally get the whole, "they asked me because they know I won't say no" thing :-(

I would feel the same way, obligated to do it because I said I would, but at the same time, feeling a bit used.  Especially if she was going to let it happen naturally, then, after getting me to agree to it, changed it to being induced, and going with starting the inducing that early. :-(

It sounds like a rough situation all around, I don't envy you for it at all.  How old is your little one?  Is he/she old enough that they can maybe stay all night at her house the night before, so at least you don't have to get your child up that early, you could just go over while all the kids slept?   Or maybe you also stay the night, so you don't have to get up that early? 

I hope it works out for you guys :-(



Quoting Pugsmuggler:

I know her family that is local are kind of jerks, sadly. She has several friends in the area but they all work. When I agreed to do it originally, she was planning on letting labor happened naturally (her last labor for 4 hours total, I am jealous). Which I know could have meant the middle of the night. I feel obligated to do it because I said I would, but I am still sore about it because I know she asked me because she felt like I wouldn't say no. She burned a lot of people by 'telling' two other ladies to throw her a baby shower a few months ago, she wanted it a certain and told them the week of. I hate feeling used, and I know I put myself in this situation >.<

Quoting sailorwifenmom:

I've been the one on call, and they brought the other kids to me.  Yrs ago, when we had our dd, we didn't have family there (well, no family there when either was born, but child care wasn't an issue with ds...).  We took our ds to the people who were going to watch him.

But, if the person had agreed to go to them, then was backing out of it, depending on how close I was to my due date, and how much time I had to make other plans, then yes, I probably would be pretty upset.

If they weren't willing to do it, they shouldn't have agreed to begin with.  Not everyone can rely on their family, even if they're close by.  Now, if they hadn't agreed to do this from the get - go, then that's a different matter.  A person shouldn't feel obligated to say yes to a request.  But, once someone says yes, they should do it, unless there is a very good reason that they can't. 



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Pugsmuggler
by on May. 2, 2012 at 8:48 AM
I feel bad for her but at the same time I feel like it's a tin of pressure for me to be her only person, kwim?

Quoting sodsoldierwife:

It does suck for her that her family is littered with Jerks. It's unfortunate but does happen. It's also sad that that she's burned bridges and feels the need to make you feel like you're obligated. I would say, tell her to come up with altnerate plans. Not that you're not trustworthy and dependable, but that things can happen and situations arise. To solely rely on you to be her sitter is a bit assinen, but that's just me!! 

:( Sorry you feel stuck...there's nothing worse! Chin up...hopefully, maybe, she'll come to her senses a least a little bit!!?!

Quoting Pugsmuggler:

I know her family that is local are kind of jerks, sadly. She has several friends in the area but they all work. When I agreed to do it originally, she was planning on letting labor happened naturally (her last labor for 4 hours total, I am jealous). Which I know could have meant the middle of the night. I feel obligated to do it because I said I would, but I am still sore about it because I know she asked me because she felt like I wouldn't say no. She burned a lot of people by 'telling' two other ladies to throw her a baby shower a few months ago, she wanted it a certain and told them the week of. I hate feeling used, and I know I put myself in this situation >.<



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
sailorwifenmom
by on May. 2, 2012 at 8:50 AM

Oh man, I don't blame you for feeling crabby!  You're going to have a cranky, up early toddler plus her 4 kids who are all going to be excited about the new baby, I would be feeling crabby, too!

I do think you're doing the right thing by helping her out though, especially since you told her you would, but I would be thinking that she seriously owed me one, lol!

Quoting Pugsmuggler:

My ds is 20 months, they have a twin air mattress I could sleep on with ds... But I think I would just wind up more tired lol. We only live 5 minutes away, I know I just need to suck it up :P I am just feeling crabby about lol.

Quoting sailorwifenmom:

I do feel for you, and I don't blame you for feeling a bit resentful, especially with her burning all the bridges and everything, and I totally get the whole, "they asked me because they know I won't say no" thing :-(

I would feel the same way, obligated to do it because I said I would, but at the same time, feeling a bit used.  Especially if she was going to let it happen naturally, then, after getting me to agree to it, changed it to being induced, and going with starting the inducing that early. :-(

It sounds like a rough situation all around, I don't envy you for it at all.  How old is your little one?  Is he/she old enough that they can maybe stay all night at her house the night before, so at least you don't have to get your child up that early, you could just go over while all the kids slept?   Or maybe you also stay the night, so you don't have to get up that early? 

I hope it works out for you guys :-(



Quoting Pugsmuggler:

I know her family that is local are kind of jerks, sadly. She has several friends in the area but they all work. When I agreed to do it originally, she was planning on letting labor happened naturally (her last labor for 4 hours total, I am jealous). Which I know could have meant the middle of the night. I feel obligated to do it because I said I would, but I am still sore about it because I know she asked me because she felt like I wouldn't say no. She burned a lot of people by 'telling' two other ladies to throw her a baby shower a few months ago, she wanted it a certain and told them the week of. I hate feeling used, and I know I put myself in this situation >.<

Quoting sailorwifenmom:

I've been the one on call, and they brought the other kids to me.  Yrs ago, when we had our dd, we didn't have family there (well, no family there when either was born, but child care wasn't an issue with ds...).  We took our ds to the people who were going to watch him.

But, if the person had agreed to go to them, then was backing out of it, depending on how close I was to my due date, and how much time I had to make other plans, then yes, I probably would be pretty upset.

If they weren't willing to do it, they shouldn't have agreed to begin with.  Not everyone can rely on their family, even if they're close by.  Now, if they hadn't agreed to do this from the get - go, then that's a different matter.  A person shouldn't feel obligated to say yes to a request.  But, once someone says yes, they should do it, unless there is a very good reason that they can't. 




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