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Degrading and profanity, As a spouse, I'm pissed! What can I do?

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It all started with an email that my husband sent all E8.  My husband made an honest mistake by addressing another soldiers rank with SFC instead of MSG and all my husband remembered was MSG coming to his office degrading my husband with words like: "you're a F*&%#! piss of shit", you lazy ass, etc, all in front of 4 other soldiers.  My husband came home looking so depressed!  Never saw this face before...we've been married for 10yrs and never had I seen him this depressed about a situation.  Yes, he has a thick skin, but this situation took it to another level, with lots of profanity and degrading words toward my husband.  As a concerned wife, I feel like no one supports him, he did bring this up to his CSM, but he said to just grow a thicker skin.  I am pissed!!!  Help!  What can I do, because it affect me too. 

by on May. 2, 2012 at 10:37 PM
Replies (31-40):
Gypsykatzen
by on May. 3, 2012 at 2:26 PM
2 moms liked this

Having been military myself there were times it was a challenge not to take stuff personally.  No one likes confrontation especially if it is with someone who yells and cusses. Your hubby is human and he made a mistake, and someone with a really big ego decided they needed to make him feel lower than a snake's belly - sounds like they achieved it.   Hubby owned up to the mistake and even apologized for his lack of attention to detail. So my advice to him is stop owning the issue!  The person who got bent is the one that owns the issue.  There is a saying "He who angers you controls you."  this can apply to other emotions as well.  It wouldn't pay for you to go and say anything anyway because you are the civilian spouse and it would get him into trouble. So best to let him vent and be there for him.

Livinwith3boys
by on May. 3, 2012 at 2:27 PM

Do NOT do anything!!!! If you do anything, it will get a million times worse...This isn't typical office politics, it is rank...unfortunately for your husband, he has to suck it up until it blows over, and I am sure it will blow over!

asaffell
by Ashley on May. 3, 2012 at 3:06 PM
1 mom liked this

How did he make it through bootcamp or basic if he's this affected by profanity?

zajanica
by on May. 3, 2012 at 3:54 PM

all you can do is be there to listen and support him.  getting involved would make it worse on him I am sure...  {{HUGS}}}

Cari

Wife to OJ, Mom to Zach 29 (Army), Jacob 14, Nico 13 and Caileigh 10

proudmomofarmyson.blogspot.com 

DestinyHLewis
by on May. 3, 2012 at 4:47 PM


Quoting hawaiinei:

But how can I support him, and not do anything about it.  Everyone in the office says that it was un-called for and that he shouldn't get away with it...I'm trying not to be in the middle, but when it affects my husband, it affects me, and to me, that's not office politics, it's personal.  When you call another soldier degrading names all because of addressing you with a lower rank by an honest mistake (my husband did apologize for it)...It just bothers me because he would never say that to a higher enlisted soldier, why would he do it to a lower enlisted? 


The way it was handled was out of line, period, no question about it, and you do have a right to be angry. However, you getting involved is NEVER the answer, that will only hurt him more. Support him at home when he needs it, and when you see people from his office, act like a sweet, supportive, military spouse. THAT is your job like it or not. Trust me, this won't be the last time you want to rake someone over the coals for what goes on at work, but you absolutely cannot get involved. It wouldn't be tolerated in the civilian word, and will only be worse in our military world. Bite the bullet, swallow your pride, and move on. It's not easy sweetie, but I promise it IS what is best for your hubby and for you. You don't want to do something to make life harder for him at work, and this will blow over.

LondonsMomma84
by on May. 3, 2012 at 6:48 PM
Let. It. Go. DO NOT GET INVOLVED!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
babowes
by on May. 3, 2012 at 7:16 PM
Exactly....no drama for dh if he lets it ride.


Quoting Soniam301:

You support him by lettimg him vent to you. That is all! If you get involved, his life at work will get a whole lot worse!

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
KWnavywife
by on May. 3, 2012 at 8:31 PM
1 mom liked this
Eh it's the military. Getting ripped a new one with a rubber mallet is part of the game. Either he needs to grow a pair and deal or get out. You need to understand this as well. Be there for him but know your getting involved will make it worse on him.
anchorgurl
by Silver Member on May. 3, 2012 at 9:56 PM

Be as pissed as you want at home and but stay out of it.  It's his job, not yours, and he has to learn to handle the pressures. 

dmfab09
by on May. 4, 2012 at 3:19 PM
Quoting hawaiinei:

But how can I support him, and not do anything about it.  Everyone in the office says that it was un-called for and that he shouldn't get away with it...I'm trying not to be in the middle, but when it affects my husband, it affects me, and to me, that's not office politics, it's personal.  When you call another soldier degrading names all because of addressing you with a lower rank by an honest mistake (my husband did apologize for it)...It just bothers me because he would never say that to a higher enlisted soldier, why would he do it to a lower enlisted? 







I believe it's up to him to handle it how he feels best. If the soldiers who were there feel it was that out of line, they can also say something. Because you weren't there, what can you really do/say and to who? The last thing your husband needs is to get harassed for having a wife "fighting his battles" or that he went home and "tattled" on whoever. I'm in no way saying this is right, but I've seen this happen.

For me personally, I wouldn't want his work people butting into our marriage, so I'm not going to butt into their work relationship. However, if he takes action, I'm there to support him in a wife role.
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