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Military Families Military Families

I am one tantrum away from losing it

Posted by on May. 22, 2012 at 12:23 AM
  • 17 Replies

DH deployed almost a month ago and instead of our 3yr old falling into a routine like he has in the past, he has become an absolute nightmare.  If you tell him to eat he chews up his food and spits it at you, if he even attempts to eat. he does not listen to simple instructions anymore,such as sit down or stop yelling. I dread taking him anywhere, because now he has started running off  or throwing these kicking screaming tantrums. my neighbor came over this morning to see if we were okay, because he was screaming bloody murder over the wrong juice in his cup. I understand he's going through a hard time but I don't know what to do, we explained as best as we could before dh left. I read him the books, we talk to dh almost every other day. I've tried  getting on his level and talking to him, time out , taking things away, rewarding the good behavior, spanking. This child he has become is not my child, and I don't know what to do to help him . please don't bash, I just need some advice form someone who may have been here before.

by on May. 22, 2012 at 12:23 AM
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Replies (1-10):
adrianna1043
by Adrianna on May. 22, 2012 at 12:30 AM
3 moms liked this
Send him over here, I specialize in keeping young men in line! Lol
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Whitney15
by on May. 22, 2012 at 1:18 AM
I'm sorry that he's having a hard time. Ds never really had big behavior changes when hubs was gone...but it seems like you need to stay as consistent as you can. Just because your husband is gone doesn't mean that he can run around acting crazy. I would just try to keep him on routine. I don't know...I'm sorry!!! Hopefully he'll get over it since its been a month :-/
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FIREFOX1336
by on May. 22, 2012 at 2:10 AM
My son has those days. And he has literally spent almost full days in his bed, I would let him out for meal times and after give him a chance to behave and it didn't last long. And for him sent to his room means get in bed under covers and do not get up. After the first time it lasted about a week before we had to do it again and now it's about once a month. Except now dh gets home this week and everyone keeps asking ds if he is ready for daddy to be home even though I asked everyone not to bring it up to ds, he is doing his normal see what limits he can push before daddy gets home, I got so desperate the other day as I dragged him out of a store as he threw a flailing fit, going home he lost his privilege to be out, that I told him of he didn't behave daddy wasn't going to come home. He has been a perfect angel since.
Apollos82
by Cassie on May. 22, 2012 at 2:13 AM
1 mom liked this
What's he going to think if, god forbid, one time daddy doesn't come home??? I'm not so sure that was a good thing to say, no matter the outcome.

Quoting FIREFOX1336:

My son has those days. And he has literally spent almost full days in his bed, I would let him out for meal times and after give him a chance to behave and it didn't last long. And for him sent to his room means get in bed under covers and do not get up. After the first time it lasted about a week before we had to do it again and now it's about once a month. Except now dh gets home this week and everyone keeps asking ds if he is ready for daddy to be home even though I asked everyone not to bring it up to ds, he is doing his normal see what limits he can push before daddy gets home, I got so desperate the other day as I dragged him out of a store as he threw a flailing fit, going home he lost his privilege to be out, that I told him of he didn't behave daddy wasn't going to come home. He has been a perfect angel since.
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grlygrlz2
by on May. 22, 2012 at 2:18 AM

Your dh's deployment plus your ds going through what can be the rough time between the ages of 2 and 3 is a difficult time.  Our first deployment that occured during the toddler years was difficult.  I noticed though~ a lot of it was me.  I was so tired by 4:30-5pm, I tended to give in and do whatever needed to be done just to finish up the day.  When i realized this was impacting my child's routine and resulting in her tantrums~ I reeled it in and got back on a routing.  Our base offered the 1-2-3 Magic Course through the Family Focus Program.  I took it with determination and I think it was the best thing for all of us.  Teaching them responsibility, independence with decent behavior starts at home.  Don't give up. You can do this.  Look for the strength to encourage consistency while you teach your child responsibility. Whether it is in a book, a family member, friend, program...  You have it in you and you can do it. Good Luck.

beerebelly
by on May. 22, 2012 at 6:56 AM
2 moms liked this

 

Quoting FIREFOX1336:

My son has those days. And he has literally spent almost full days in his bed, I would let him out for meal times and after give him a chance to behave and it didn't last long. And for him sent to his room means get in bed under covers and do not get up. After the first time it lasted about a week before we had to do it again and now it's about once a month. Except now dh gets home this week and everyone keeps asking ds if he is ready for daddy to be home even though I asked everyone not to bring it up to ds, he is doing his normal see what limits he can push before daddy gets home, I got so desperate the other day as I dragged him out of a store as he threw a flailing fit, going home he lost his privilege to be out, that I told him of he didn't behave daddy wasn't going to come home. He has been a perfect angel since.

 Say what? What a terrible thing to say to your child. And using your husband as punishment?  Terrible thing to do to your dh as well.

usmclife58
by Nikki on May. 22, 2012 at 11:09 AM

That is normal. My daughter did GREAT her first deployments, and then she was 3-4 years old and BAM! It was a nightmare. She got better right before he got home :/

ladyd1986
by Member on May. 22, 2012 at 12:02 PM
sorry to hear that my 3 year olddaughter is doing the something cant wait for my husband to come back his parents are coming to get her for the summer im just hoping she doesnt act up with them
jas_momof2
by アニメの雌犬 on May. 22, 2012 at 12:03 PM

It's normal for the age.  You need to step it up and be consistent constantly.  He misbehaves - off to the stair or corner or whatever it is you do THAT MINUTE.  Don't wait, don't discuss...  Action. 

Lilbits_Mama
by on May. 22, 2012 at 2:33 PM

Thanks for the encouragement can you tell me a little about 1-2-3 Magic I didn't see any info for it .

Quoting grlygrlz2:

Your dh's deployment plus your ds going through what can be the rough time between the ages of 2 and 3 is a difficult time.  Our first deployment that occured during the toddler years was difficult.  I noticed though~ a lot of it was me.  I was so tired by 4:30-5pm, I tended to give in and do whatever needed to be done just to finish up the day.  When i realized this was impacting my child's routine and resulting in her tantrums~ I reeled it in and got back on a routing.  Our base offered the 1-2-3 Magic Course through the Family Focus Program.  I took it with determination and I think it was the best thing for all of us.  Teaching them responsibility, independence with decent behavior starts at home.  Don't give up. You can do this.  Look for the strength to encourage consistency while you teach your child responsibility. Whether it is in a book, a family member, friend, program...  You have it in you and you can do it. Good Luck.


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