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Military Families Military Families

Today my husband informed me that if I don't start having sex with him again that he "can't keep going on like this." I'm not really sure what he means by that, but I have no libido and I refuse to force myself to do something I don't want to do or won't enjoy.

So I guess my question is, what am I entitled to if we separate or end up divorcing? We just bought a house but the mortgage is in his name, we only have one vehicle, and 2 kids.

I just want to be prepared. Thanks.

 

ETA: I was fairly vague in things yesterday, but upon talking with a good friend and researching through ACS/Milonesource pages, I realize I have been psychologically abused for the better part of our marriage. I have been put down continuously, my self esteem is at an all time low, I am isolated from my family even though we are 3 hrs away. He has the ability to become very violent against me.... It is a cycle pattern, we did buy a home and instead of insisting upon renting like I wanted to do, I just shoved everything aside because I am scared. I have no family that is able to help me, and my friends arent in a spot where they can either. I have no job, no way of getting a job, and while I do have access to the bank accounts, they are both in his name. I have no idea who his COC is currently, since we just moved and I havent had a reason to get the information. I am going and speaking with the victim advocate at acs tomorrow simply to figure out what I can do to help myself and my children get out of the situation. Thank you for the helpful comments.

by on Jun. 17, 2012 at 12:58 PM
Replies (41-50):
bbmama73
by on Jun. 18, 2012 at 9:51 PM
My husband & I recently separated. Because I live on on post housing I get no support whatsoever! His change if command, I was told by him, told him not to give me $. I have 2 kids that aren't his & am pregnant with his kid & he doesn't care. I thought the army would make him do something. My car want even running.
Soniam301
by Sonia on Jun. 18, 2012 at 9:55 PM
3 moms liked this
actually, you technically are getting money because you live in base housing. he is providing you with shelter and utilities are paid fpr. if you moved off post, you would only get bah 2 ( about 1/3 less then bah w/dependents) so be thankful they are not kicking you off base. The Army doesn't have to make him do anything unless there is a court order, they can highly encourage it though.

Hopefully things get better.


Quoting bbmama73:

My husband & I recently separated. Because I live on on post housing I get no support whatsoever! His change if command, I was told by him, told him not to give me $. I have 2 kids that aren't his & am pregnant with his kid & he doesn't care. I thought the army would make him do something. My car want even running.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
xxlilmomma09
by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 1:56 PM
People always wanna have their cake and eat it too, lol.

Quoting Soniam301:

actually, you technically are getting money because you live in base housing. he is providing you with shelter and utilities are paid fpr. if you moved off post, you would only get bah 2 ( about 1/3 less then bah w/dependents) so be thankful they are not kicking you off base. The Army doesn't have to make him do anything unless there is a court order, they can highly encourage it though.

Hopefully things get better.




Quoting bbmama73:

My husband & I recently separated. Because I live on on post housing I get no support whatsoever! His change if command, I was told by him, told him not to give me $. I have 2 kids that aren't his & am pregnant with his kid & he doesn't care. I thought the army would make him do something. My car want even running.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
bbmama73
by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 2:23 PM
really? military wives, indulging myself, give up their lively hood & everything they know for their soldier. I was a single mom before I married my husband, living in the same town I grew up in. so yeah I think we should be entitled to life sustaining money, not lifestyle sustaining money. I'm sorry but I was very offended by that remark. My family has proudly served from private up to major general since the revolutionary war.
chrlstoncharmed
by Melissa on Jun. 19, 2012 at 2:29 PM
1 mom liked this

How are you offended when you are currently being provided for? The military does not recognize "separation". If you want child support, get a divorce and a court order for CS.

ETA: Actually, you won't even get CS until after the baby is born. 

Quoting bbmama73:

really? military wives, indulging myself, give up their lively hood & everything they know for their soldier. I was a single mom before I married my husband, living in the same town I grew up in. so yeah I think we should be entitled to life sustaining money, not lifestyle sustaining money. I'm sorry but I was very offended by that remark. My family has proudly served from private up to major general since the revolutionary war.


shesliketx
by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 2:33 PM
I didn't give up everything I know or my livelihood to marry my husband. The issues we have have been created over time, while I believe he is more at fault than myself, I am not innocent either. That being said, while my wording in my post was off (i meant more so what are my rights as a woman, not my entitlements to his military benefits), I do NOT feel I am owed anything by him. You have a roof over your head, be grateful for that. If you choose to seek divorced for whatever reason, you choose to accept responsibility to care for yourself and your children.


Quoting bbmama73:

really? military wives, indulging myself, give up their lively hood & everything they know for their soldier. I was a single mom before I married my husband, living in the same town I grew up in. so yeah I think we should be entitled to life sustaining money, not lifestyle sustaining money. I'm sorry but I was very offended by that remark. My family has proudly served from private up to major general since the revolutionary war.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
4ever-SJ
by Gold Member on Jun. 19, 2012 at 2:35 PM
Yay you.

But, please clarify for me why military spouses, as a whole, should merit more than civilian women?


Quoting bbmama73:

really? military wives, indulging myself, give up their lively hood & everything they know for their soldier. I was a single mom before I married my husband, living in the same town I grew up in. so yeah I think we should be entitled to life sustaining money, not lifestyle sustaining money. I'm sorry but I was very offended by that remark. My family has proudly served from private up to major general since the revolutionary war.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
OliviasMommy611
by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 8:59 PM
Why would you give up your lively hood? I've sacrificed for my husband but no more than a civilian marriage would. That's marriage lady, give and take. Your families service is irrelevant.

Quoting bbmama73:

really? military wives, indulging myself, give up their lively hood & everything they know for their soldier. I was a single mom before I married my husband, living in the same town I grew up in. so yeah I think we should be entitled to life sustaining money, not lifestyle sustaining money. I'm sorry but I was very offended by that remark. My family has proudly served from private up to major general since the revolutionary war.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
xxlilmomma09
by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 10:53 PM

There is nothing that they are going to do for you on post - other than offer counseling. If your family is so close, why not just leave and don't come back? That concept is simple.

Bird16_J
by on Jun. 20, 2012 at 1:52 AM

I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this momma! I wish there were something I could do to help you out. :( Good luck tomorrow and I hope they're able to help you out!


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