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What does it take to be a good Military Mom if your son is Married or has a girlfriend?

Posted by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 8:21 PM
  • 52 Replies

 After reading some of the posts I am baffled by the relationships between his Mom and wives and girlfriends.  What can Mom's do to make that relationship better?  I'd like to hear from you!


by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 8:21 PM
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by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 8:29 PM
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 As a mom of a soldier, I can say have a good relationship with the wife or girlfriend to begin with.  If you don't have it from the beginning, try and find a way to make it so.  If that doesn't work, got me swinging!!

by Melissa on Jun. 19, 2012 at 8:32 PM
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Being of sound mind is a good start. 

by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 8:43 PM
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Sound mind!!!  I lost that years ago!!  :)  I am amazed at how many women hate their mother in laws.  I have all boys and couldn't wait to have daughters to spoil.  I just wondered what was the problem, is it competition or is it just a total lack of friendship?  How many of you want a relationship with his Mom.?

by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 8:50 PM
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My MIL and I have a fantastic relationship, which may be key. DH doesn't have family drama to worry about while deployed. He knows that we are all still a huge extended family, even when he's gone, which puts his mind at ease.
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by Stella on Jun. 19, 2012 at 8:51 PM
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I don't think its only a problem with the military, just some MIL's in general are unable to "cut the cord" when it comes to their boys. I think the same goes with FIL's and their daughters. I only have one child and he is a boy...I am able to wait until the days he starts bring girls around, I also cannot say what I'll be like once he starts dating seriously or finds that one to marry. I'm sure I will be vocal, but I do have a good relationship with my MIL, always have. I never have had a problem with any mother for that matter. I guess maybe its because I show them respect, have good manners and intentions. As far as the MIL's go...just keep an open mind and understand that you were once in the current girlfriends/wives place.

by Member on Jun. 19, 2012 at 8:55 PM
I love my mil but we had our times. At first she was jealous since it went from him calling her to calling me insted during deployments. He finally told her that it was eaisier to call me since he didn't know when I worked. Also I had his kid lol. She has mellow out now.
Just be a lending ear for them.
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by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 8:55 PM

Well as for me. My bf is in the military and I hate to say that his mother is not a fan of me. I understand that our relationship is strained do to situations in the past. IE: His Exe Wife cheated on him, left him during deployment, and to put it nicely passed their daughter off to his sister to take care of so she could do what she wanted. Understanding all this I try to make our relatinship stronger. I would say understanding. You need a lot of undertanding! It's not easy being with someone in the military. We all have baggage but it seems to multipy when you add dog tags.

by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 9:10 PM

I learned quickly that I come in second!  And that is ok.  I get a phone call on Sundays, to let me know he is in one piece.  The rest of the info comes from my daughter in law.  Sometimes it is forthcoming sometimes I twist in the wind. The part that is so crazy is there is so much stress on both is a shame more families can't pull together to support their would be easier.

by Ada on Jun. 19, 2012 at 9:11 PM
My MIL is someone I hardly deal with. I don't enjoy her personality... She makes an effort to be nicer to me now because I'm pregnant... This will be her third grandchild and her second sons first born. All three of her sons are military... She is materialistic and gets along with her other daughter in law better. It doesn't bother me... I hope when my son grows up I'm able to have a great relationship with whoever he decides to settle down with. I think it comes down to respect... And the basics values of any good relationship.
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by on Jun. 19, 2012 at 9:28 PM

My mother in law isn't so bad, but there are moments when she does get to me. My own mom got to me quite often while I was in and still does on ocassion now that I am out, but she is a different story.
I don't really know how to tell you how to be a great MIL since I don't know the type of relationship you would have with your DIL and son. I can say that I would love if my mother in law didn't come first so often. If she calls and wants something, my husband is quick to rush to her aid. She is his mom, I get that, but his daughter and wife need him too. She has a husband to help her out when she needs it. I also hated when my husband was deployed how she would leave messages and e-mails demanding he call her when I hadn't had a phone call in a month or longer and she knew it. At least we had e-mail and skype (when it worked), but its nice to hear him on the phone too. He used his calling cards up on her regularly. 
I also don't care that when she gets a stick up her butt she tells my husband things that starts fights between us. Before he got facebook (that dreaded stupid, stupid site) I had mine set up and I had his family and friends on there as well as mine. She regularly told him that I was saying bad things about him on there. I gave him all of my log-in info and told him to look at my page and tell me if I was really posting bad things or not. I posted pictures of our daughter for our friends and family to see. He refused to look. After a while, he finally got his own account and could see for himself that I practically worship him. The funniest part about it was I called her to confront her one day and she told me to keep her out of our fights! Excuse me, but she put herself in our argument. Hell, she started it! That was while he was deployed, and he was talking divorce because of her (and something my SIL said, but thats another story). I deleted her off of there, but she whined and cried to him until he annoyed me enough to add her back. Now, she doesn't know this, but I have a second account where I can just let loose and vent about things without worrying about her starting something.
I love my MIL, I really do, but there are some days when she just gets under my skin and I would love to choke the woman. lol  

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