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Cheating on me? I don't know what to do...

Posted by on Jul. 4, 2012 at 10:35 AM
  • 42 Replies

Hi all!

I am at a loss here...my boyfriend and I are about 9 weeks pregnant and going in for our first ultrasound in 2 days.  I thought things were going ok with us...now I'm not so sure.  Here's the story...

We dated for about 5 months and I found out that, essentially, he was having "inappropriate" conversations with at least one other woman that I know of.  Needless to say, I left him.  Well, the month that followed, I thought about him constantly and missed him - doesn't make sense, I know.  So, on his birthday, I sent him a text and we started talking again.  He begged me to come back saying he would never do ANYTHING to hurt me ever again. 

SO...I've checked his phone (I now sound crazy, I know...) over the last few months, mainly just wanting to be reassured and know I can trust him.  WELL...about 3 1/2-4 months ago I found out I was pregnant.  Things have been shaky - he said he can't be with someone who doesn't trust him and told me a few days ago that he would leave me if I checked his phone again.  He was texting a girl (someone he had told me about and said he was friends with, but I've never met her - she's been texting/calling more over the last two weeks I've noticed).  I saw him texting her and kept deleting all the messages...it didn't make sense to me.  I checked his phone this morning while he was sleeping - and found a conversation from a couple days ago.  Essentially she said she was shocked he was going to be having a baby, she said, "Yes, I fell for you quickly, but you need to figure out what's going on with you and the baby."  Said nothing about a girlfriend, although he says she knows.  He said, "You can still be my friend and love me." Then, "You had a baby and I loved you."  She apparently didn't respond, so he said, "No comment?"  She responded by saying, "I could care less if you were in my life."  He said something along the lines of, "Wow, say what you need to to make yourself feel better."  He then went on to say, "I do miss you, Mel, and I hope we can get coffee sometime or something."

And that was the end of it...she had called him the next day and sent him a text, but there was no response.  So I don't konw what to do...those messages don't necessarily mean he is cheating on me, but this is making it VERY difficult to trust him.  He says he loves me, I'm going to be the mother of his child and hopefully somday his wife.  I don't know what to do....

 

by on Jul. 4, 2012 at 10:35 AM
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Replies (1-10):
jes04
by on Jul. 4, 2012 at 10:36 AM

I realized I mis-typed - I found out I was pregnant 3 1/2-4 WEEKS ago, not months...

KoKun
by on Jul. 4, 2012 at 10:40 AM
1 mom liked this

I don't know how to help you. If you confront him on it, and he sticks with his word, you'll be out of someone you love, but, in the same breath if he's cheating on you, then ...that's just not fair to you and the baby...


If It was me, I would say "(name here) Have you been cheating on me?(Or seeing other women,) I know, it sounds crazy, but, I just can't get out of my head that something horrible is happening. I don't kow if it's hormones, or just that I'm scared, but, since you've been talking to  (whatshername) its just...lit makes me think of what happened in the past, and I need you to reassure me." and seee what happens from there,

xxlilmomma09
by Gold Member on Jul. 4, 2012 at 10:44 AM
2 moms liked this
The saying is.. 'Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.'

Another helpful tip.. your relationship is going to go no where as long as you are creeping around through his personal belongings. If you have an issue, talk to him about it.
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4ever-SJ
by Gold Member on Jul. 4, 2012 at 10:44 AM
11 moms liked this
Well, I'll be the party pooper. You were never in a committed relationship. You accidentally got knocked up. That is the only long-term commitment here. Make certain your child is taken care of and move on.
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jes04
by on Jul. 4, 2012 at 10:45 AM

I did ask him already, just not in those exact words.  He had said he hardly ever talks to her - mainly just during the summer.  He has a Harley (so does she) and he said she would text/call him if people were going out riding. 

He said she has a boyfriend...he said she knows he's seeing me.  I asked him if anything ever happened between the two of them, he said no.  So yeah...pretty sure that was a lie.

jes04
by on Jul. 4, 2012 at 10:47 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm not sure what your definition of "committed" is.  Just because we aren't married doesn't mean we aren't in a "committed" relationship.  We were back together when I got pregnant...

xxlilmomma09
by Gold Member on Jul. 4, 2012 at 10:49 AM
2 moms liked this
You might have been committed to him, but he wasn't committed to you.

Quoting jes04:

I'm not sure what your definition of "committed" is.  Just because we aren't married doesn't mean we aren't in a "committed" relationship.  We were back together when I got pregnant...

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.oOMellyOo.
by Silver Member on Jul. 4, 2012 at 10:58 AM
4 moms liked this

** has nothing nice to say.... **

4ever-SJ
by Gold Member on Jul. 4, 2012 at 11:00 AM
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Well, let's see... Committed is two adults discussing and agreeing to the path their relationship will take. Joining their lives, sharing decisions about things like purchasing a home, career fields, and, oh, when to start a family.

Committed isn't - woops, I'm pregnant. You have to love me forever.
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jes04
by on Jul. 4, 2012 at 11:13 AM

And that's not what happened - we were back together, again,  BEFORE I got pregnant.  We did discuss our path together, me moving with him when he got his next orders, we discussed marriage and having a family together someday.  So, based on your definition of a committed relationship, we were in one. 

I don't know when stuff happened between him and this other girl...like I said in an earlier post, he said nothing had happened between the two of them.  This was not true, obviously...

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