My son texts me to tell me he's angry at his girlfriend because she deleted phone numbers out of his cell phone because she didn't like those people (saying smarmy, cause that's how she is.) I didn't ask to be involved, he involved me. She is OLDER than him, isn't what she did like 9th grade BS? I called him and flat out asked him if he really wanted to go to Korea for a year and come back to that. He said he didn't know. I told him I loved him and that was the end of the convo.
I advised you to take the same advice given to a friend (a friend whose children are in their late 20s and early 30s, 2 of whom are married) got from HER mother (who also had adult children).
Which was, to be blunt - let your kids know that you love them and support them and will listen and help if they need you to, but that what they say will affect your opinion of that person - quite possibly forever. He needs to know that and decide does he really want advise or does he just want to fall into childhood patterns of tattling. Because THAT isn't fair to ANY of you (her, him, or you) .
I get that you feel she has taken your place in his life and you don't like it. I get that you still want to be the most important woman in his life. But AS A MOTHER WHO LOVES HER SON - YOU need to get that there's a line between supporting and listening to our adult kids and interfering on their adult relationships. Because if you become interfering, in the long run - YOU HURT YOUR CHILD and will eventually destroy the relationship you have with him, destroy a chance of a positive relationship with your possible future dil (who will be the MOTHER of your GRANDKIDS - and have a HUGE influence on your relationship with them) . Or, you will interfere with his chance to have what YOU and YOUR SPOUSE have - a loving relationship between 2 adults.
Now, I am NOT saying this to bash you, and frankly, I don't think there's anything wrong with telling him to think about what he wants, but much beyond that - no matter how much the WOMAN in you wants to, the MOM in you needs to not go there - for your son's sake.
Good luck!
After hearing his mom bad mouth me so much, he doesnt like to talk ti her anymore. Five uears latet she dtill makes snarky remarks about and to me, but i dont bother getting offended. She hatea her mil so you would think she would get it but nope!
like the other ladies said- dont be THAT mil
Your title states: How am i supposed to handle this?
DON'T...tell your son to handle it himself.
I tell my grown daughter this all the time. People can only do to us what we allow them to do to us. Meaning that if he does not like how his GF is treating him, then he tells her (not you) to stop. Only he can decide what he will or will not allow in any relationship. My daughter finally gets that now (thank goodness).
I hate this base!
- Princesshera1
on Jul. 10, 2012 at 6:51 AM