The Army moved my family to Hawai'i last October, and under my husband's current contract, he will be stationed here until October 2015. While our lives were never perfect, things have definitely been on a downward slide since we arrived here. So much so, that I have been giving serious thought to moving my daughter and myself back to Texas (his last duty station, where my family lives, and where we plan to end up once he gets out). I am not coming to this decision lightly, and the reasons for it are vast, but these are the two most basic:
(A) I need to be close to my family right now. It seems that every few weeks I get bad news from home. Most recently, in less than a month there were two deaths (the second was last week). Also, my sister, who has always been the most "together" one among the three siblings, seems to be having a total crisis of self lately. I know that being home will not prevent illness or death, and that I am not my elder sister's keeper, but I have a very close extended family and I feel some of them need my support now.
(B) My husband. I love him, and I know that he is a good person, but I can hardly stand to be around him at this point. I will not bore you with the details, but rather I will just completely simplify the issue with these words: "certifiable XBOX/technology addict", "spending problem", "neglects is wife and takes all she does for granted", and "absent father". It wasn't always like this...or maybe it was and I just grew up and he failed to. I am not yet to the point of wanting a divorce, or even a legal separation, but my hope is that he may have a positive reaction to the old "now do you realize what you risk losing?" tactic. I do not relish the thought, but I am at my wit's end and only want what is best for my child.
Unfortunately, before I come to my decision, there is one nagging and very hated thing hanging over my head: money. I need to know how his income will change, if at all, if my child and I move back to the mainland. As we live in Hawai'i, we of course have a much higher housing allowance (though we currently live on base) and an extra "cost of living" amount added to his paychecks because everything is so darned expensive here. I need to know what our finances will look like so that I can budget accordingly. There is also the matter of whether or not the military will move us back. I know that one of his sergeants moved his family back, but of course I don't know the details.
I am hoping that someone here can offer me some sort of advice, because I cannot even think where to begin looking, and I would rather not make any "official" inquiries at this point (not that I would know who to ask anyway).
(On a side note - and I know this is probably a futile request - please do not condemn or "bash" me. Every marriage and situation is unique, and I am only asking for advice.)
Well, first I would like to thank all of you who offered any kind of advice. Second, to "KimberGazongas", while I do appreciate your support and apparent understanding, I would prefer that you stop taking it upon yourself to childishly bicker with every other woman who posts a comment that you deem negative. Again, I appreciate your desire to "champion" me, so to speak, but it is not necessary, and I do not agree with the manner in which you are doing it. Everyone is entitled to an opinion, whether or not someone else agrees with it.