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Military Families Military Families

COMMANDER said 'What?'

Posted by on Aug. 1, 2012 at 1:38 AM
  • 27 Replies

Awhile back, at a FRG meeting, the commander had a few things to say.  Most was blah, blah, blah.  But one subject caught my ears, and many of my friends ears.  Regarding domestic violence, commander wants us to call him instead of the cops, whether on of off post.  Why? because apparently, those brought up on domestic violence charges are eventually chaptered out and would we want that to happen to our husbands.

The way I interrepted it, Don't call the PoPo, call the command and we will rush out at your house and protect you (extreme sarcasm).  My husband is far from abusive, but I still am thinking cross-eyed about this.

What if a fellow wife's husband is a dick and starts abusing her, does she sit back and take it in fear that her husband will lose his military career?

Has anyone been told this crazyness? 

by on Aug. 1, 2012 at 1:38 AM
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Replies (1-10):
StephFerrero
by on Aug. 1, 2012 at 1:42 AM

I hope my husband and I are never stationed where you're at...that's ridiculous! But of course, doesn't surprise me. Military (especially the older men) are veryyyy quick to save one of their own...no matter what the person did.

Momof2Stepof3
by Member on Aug. 1, 2012 at 1:49 AM

I have heard that from many commands. When I was going through my divorce I was told to call the MPs before I called the cops as the MPs can do a better job then the local cops. I didn't give a shit about my ex career when he came stalking at 2am I called the cops not his command.

I heard the same spill at other commands.

Quoting dtristan78:

Awhile back, at a FRG meeting, the commander had a few things to say.  Most was blah, blah, blah.  But one subject caught my ears, and many of my friends ears.  Regarding domestic violence, commander wants us to call him instead of the cops, whether on of off post.  Why? because apparently, those brought up on domestic violence charges are eventually chaptered out and would we want that to happen to our husbands.

The way I interrepted it, Don't call the PoPo, call the command and we will rush out at your house and protect you (extreme sarcasm).  My husband is far from abusive, but I still am thinking cross-eyed about this.

What if a fellow wife's husband is a dick and starts abusing her, does she sit back and take it in fear that her husband will lose his military career?

Has anyone been told this crazyness? 


cocoroo
by Coco on Aug. 1, 2012 at 1:52 AM

I have never heard it from a command before, but I have heard it.


USAFamily
by Melissa on Aug. 1, 2012 at 5:52 AM
1 mom liked this

 That's insane. Anyone with an ounce of sense would call the cops first anyway.

KelissaMaye
by on Aug. 1, 2012 at 6:31 AM

Screw that. I would have said something to him about that being stupid. lol. Commander or not. If my husband hits me, I'm calling the damn cops/ MP's (depending on if I was on or off post). The commander and dh's career in the Army would me the LAST thing on my mind.

TheCrooners
by on Aug. 1, 2012 at 8:31 AM
There was an incident here where a young soldier got pregnant. Told no one. Then refused to do a detail requiring lifting. She said she had a profile but wouldn't provide it because she didn't want anyone to know her reasons. Later on, the commander chewed everyone out over this soldier. Said they had failed her. That there should have been some abstinence counseling. Now they have to counsel her on being a young single mom. She's in her mid 20's and other than her doctor, she told no one about her pregnancy. Apparently her parents are very religious and she wanted to keep it a secret from them for as long as possible.

I'm still scratching my head over that incident. So, no, it doesn't surprise me that your husband's commander would suggest something like that.
mlogsdon
by Mary on Aug. 1, 2012 at 8:44 AM
At our last post, one of his commanders pulled that. He didn't stay long I believe. I sure didn't have his number on speed dial for any problems that may have occurred.
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sailorwifenmom
by on Aug. 1, 2012 at 10:30 AM
W.O.W. That's insane (and, fair or not, after hearing something like that, I think I would be quietly looking to see if his wife had "walked into any doors" lately...

And, btw - if your Active Duty spouse gets kicked out / convicted with jail time (civilian or military), for abuse, and you legally separate from or divorce him / her (and do not go back to them). Then you can actually get a stipend as well as retain many of your benefits (such as medical) for so long. The amount of time you get it and the amount of money you get depends on how many dependents, how long on the contract, time in, etc... This is a DoD wide thing they've been doing since the late 90s because they found too many spouses were not coming forward for help because they were afraid for their family's livelihoods!
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HisFunnyGrl
by on Aug. 1, 2012 at 10:35 AM

My husbands CO told them when he was deployed not to beat their wife, kids or animals when they go home on R&R or when they re-deploy home. . Well come to find out his CO is in the brigg for beating his wife! I found the irony in this find of funny! (Not the fact that he beat his wife, but he preached to his soldiers not to do this and well he was the one who ended up in the brigg!)

youngmami07
by on Aug. 1, 2012 at 10:41 AM
Wow where I'm at, they PAY a spouse that has been abused to leave their dh/dw as long as they don't return to their dh/dw.
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