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Military Families Military Families

Missing birth due to deployment

Posted by on Aug. 15, 2012 at 10:02 PM
  • 30 Replies

I am 38 weeks pregnant today, dilated to 2 cm so active labor will be coming soon.  Husband has been gone for 2 months and will be missing the birth.  How many of you ladies have had to cope with this? The closer it gets, the harder this is on me.  Did you use skype or anything while in labor/pushing? Or what is the best advice you have for me?? Thanks.

by on Aug. 15, 2012 at 10:02 PM
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Replies (1-10):
chdmom_hlhs
by on Aug. 15, 2012 at 10:13 PM
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Well the best advice for you is try to make sure his unit knows how close you are. Ideally they have other people that stay back and see if there is anything they can do in the delivery process. If you are delivery on a military base call the labor and delivery and see if they know or have heard of anything like this. If he can call you have do so and talk to him about talking to his senior enlisted/ officer and see if they can do a video of the delivery. If you are going to a local hospital see if they allow video/cameras while in the delivery room. Of you have a friend get them to take all the pictures for you and film the video if allowed. Try to email him too and see if there is anything he can do! I am a active duty Marine and I've seen it done. Try everything you can! Hope it works out!
prdmomnarmywife
by on Aug. 15, 2012 at 10:17 PM
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Will they not allow him to take his R&R early to see his baby be born ? Call the red cross and see if you can have him home for the birth . If not maybe record it all and send it to him , or use Skype or web cam ? Most hospitals allow it for these things
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TippyD
by Gold Member on Aug. 16, 2012 at 1:25 AM
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red cross*from what I understand* will only get involved if it is an emergency/mom or baby's life is at risk..


as for what to do, make sure you have a good number to contact him with :)  and talk with your hospital about skyping.. they may not let your video/photograph the birth, but since SKYPE doesnt record, some hospitals will allow that instead:)  sorry you are having to deal with this hun 

DestinyHLewis
by on Aug. 16, 2012 at 1:36 AM
Quoting TippyD:

red cross*from what I understand* will only get involved if it is an emergency/mom or baby's life is at risk..as for what to do, make sure you have a good number to contact him with :)  and talk with your hospital about skyping.. they may not let your video/photograph the birth, but since SKYPE doesnt record, some hospitals will allow that instead:)  sorry you are having to deal with this hun 




Are you sure hospitals can actually do that?? Legally I mean. I have never looked it up, I just know they gave me that bs with my first and I pushed the issue and told them tough shit. I am taping it, it's my birth and my baby. I know drs can refuse to be taped but you can ask for another, or agree to keep the drs face off camera. I think a lot of those places tell you that in hopes they sound official and legal. I am pretty sure as long as you keep anyone else from having their actual face filmed there is nothing they can legally do about it. If my hubbs was deployed you can bet there would be a video and skype or FaceTime. Video for sure, and move heaven and earth for the last two.

Op. have your hubby talk to his command. They are typically pretty accommodating if at all possible. GOOD LUCK!
luvGabe
by on Aug. 16, 2012 at 2:20 AM

Hubby was gone for both of our children's births. I think it depends on the hospital if the will allow you to video tape or Skype the birth. Talk with your doctor. Contact your family liasion person, in the Navy they are called Ombudsman, they are the best link between you and your hubby's command. They may be able to help you set up better avenues of notification for you and have more resources and information at hand. Good luck! Best wishes and congrats!    

nathansmommy331
by on Aug. 16, 2012 at 2:21 AM
Talk to your doctor now about video recording. When having my dd my DH was gone & my doc was fine with recording. My problem was lack of camera operator, I only had doc & nurses during delivery.
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UCFknight
by Bronze Member on Aug. 16, 2012 at 9:21 AM

My husband was gone for both births. I am not sure what branch your husband is, but in the Navy Seabees we have a homeport liaison HPL. an E-7 or E-8 who deals strictly with family issues. When I gave birth to both kids, my mom called him to let him know what was going on. For the first birth, my husband was at least able to be on the phone with me. For the second one, they couldn't find him due to a mission. But he was eventually found and told as soon as he arrived back on base. The red cross does have an emergency red cross message you can send. Here is the 877 number for red cross messages. 1-877-272-7337.  The reason this is mostly used is to get the service member emergency leave. The red cross verifies the situation, informs the command, and then the command lets the service member either go on leave, or get back to work. You need to have his SS number, his mailing address, your hospital contact info for verification, his battallion unit or company unit, where service member is. Our second birth took 12 hours for it to reach him, the first, our HPL had him on the phone with me in about 40 minutes. 

And mentally, I don't think there is any way to really prep for your husband not being there at the hospital with you. I had great coaches, my mom and my cousin. If you think about your job at hand, then you won't spend time wasting thinking about him not being there. Although I did feel sad after, I was blessed that both our kids were born healthy. Daddy got to meet the first one four days after his birth, and the second one two months after she was born. Stay strong and know you can do this! For many military wives, this just comes with the territory.  Good luck

b.futlz
by on Aug. 16, 2012 at 9:24 AM
I haven't yet but my dh just told me they will be underway the hole month that I'm due :(
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Yanco131
by on Aug. 16, 2012 at 9:55 AM

Oh I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I was 36 weeks when my husband left on deployment. It was extremely hard, since my husband is a submariner in the Navy, The only way i was able to let him know that I gave birth was by contacting the Red Cross. They gave the message to his captain and then he called me 6hrs later after my son was born. It was extremely hard for both him and I. He was extremely upset because he could not meet him or see him come in to this earth. One thing that they did allow him was to receive pictures. Since he is a submariner we are only allowed to send emails and nothing more due to security measures. I am not sure how it will work out for you, but I recorded the birth and he was able to see when he got home. If you are able to send him a care package you can send him a copy of the birth and lots of pictures of your baby. And while you wait for him to come home. If you have any family members or friends that are willing to help you with your newborn take the help. Because its hard when you dont have anyone. It was really hard for me because We just pcs to the naval base and then he left right when I got pregnant. So I didnt know much people. I hope this helps and Good Luck with everything and congratulations. =)good luck

armyslpbaby
by on Aug. 16, 2012 at 9:58 AM
I am 14 weeks and hubby is leaving in less than a month.. when he returns the baby will be 7 months old :( its our first baby too. Ill keep you in my thoughts and prayers!
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