Well I had posted one before this that ended up messing up and not posting..ugh
I've had a horrible day..and I guess I just really need some support from some ladies who've been where I am at in life and might be going through the same thing. Being apart in the military, especially when you have children involved can really put a strain in a marriage. I'm to the point of just throwing in the towel and leaving...I feel sometimes he chose and is choosing the miltary over me and our son, 6 months, and sometimes I feel like he just doesn't appreciate the fact that we sit here alone all the time with no one waiting on him because he just had to go join the marines! so he could live his dream! ugh..and other times I know it helps support and take care of us..we often fight over the smallest of things...such as money. He wants to go take whatever he wants out of the bank account without even being considerate enough to ask if there is anything we like paying that we haven't paid yet or if there is something that our son might need that we haven't gotten yet. There was a time when my son was in the NICU and my husband left the rail down on his bed and just walked off..saying that because our son couldn't roll over there was no problem with it..our son has seizures, and when he seizes he cannot control his muscles and might accidently fall out in the floor..another time while I was pregnant he came home on leave to go to a 3D sonogram with me and was looking up things on his phone during it..another time I was on the phone with him having contractions and was only 20 something weeks pregnant and was on the way to women's center and he said well call me back and let me know what they say i've got to go play the xbox..that really upset me and made me feel like he doesn't care. I can't explain it or put it into words properly but whenever he does something that I feel is disrespectful to our son it just hurts me to my core. I often feel like he doesn't love our son in the way that I do and that hurts. He was supposed to quit smoking but I caught him doing that behind my back. He was looking up porn on his phone and I checked his history on his phone while he was home on leave one time and asked him about it, at first he lied about it until he knew that I had seen it with my own eyes then he finally admitted it. I've caught him lying to me about that several times. Which now he says he doesn't do it...who knows. There were girls I didn't want him talking to so I blocked them off his facebook, then I Just so happened to get on his facebook and see that he had re added them. He knows he isn't supposed to call after 7 because our son is going to bed for the night, but if we're into it and I'm ignoring him he'll call back to back to back to back. That and other things make me feel like he just doesn't get the seriousness of having a child. I"ve often thought of leaving him and getting full custody of our son because I fear he would never take care of him properly because he would always come first, then our son but I don't want to do those things to him and I'd like to have a nice family life for my son to grow up in with both his parents in the same house. I know that these things might seem like little things but to me it's just the princiaple of the fact that he would lie to me and do things he know he doesn't want me doing anwyay. It's disrespectful to me. Then he has the gall to put a GPS tracker on my cell phone behind my back, then slipped up and admitted it almost a year later then treats me like I'm the one who can't be trusted even though in the year that I didnt' even know it was on my phone I've never done anything. I've sat here and waited for him during all of his training, went from pregnant and alone to single mother and alone. Especally since our son has seizures and that's extremely scary. In my past I cheated on a few of my boyfriends who treated me awful, though that's no excuse. I Guess that hangs over my head. We're supposed to be moving in 7 weeks to with him..and I don't know if I should go. I don't know if I should just throw in the towel or try to make things work even after all we've been through. People have often told me that he doesn't think about these things that he does or doesn't do because he's young and doesn't have much life experience, he's 19, I'm 22, but to me that just isn't an excuse because even I know You don't spend every dollar you have when you have a child because you never know what could happen. He has a meal card on base that gives him 3 meals a day, but instead he chooses to order food for 30 dollars several times a week and have it delivered. And also he says he has to have his hair cut once a week or he gets in trouble, so when he goes to the ATM and gets the money out he doesn't save what's extra for the next time he has to have a haircut he blows it and goes and gets out more the next week and does the same thing. I don't work, as we don't trust anyone with our son with him having seizures, we'd prefer I stayed with him and kept an eye on him. Eespecailly since we're bringing him off his medicne to see if he's grown out of them. I just don't know what o do anymore or if I Can take anymore. YOu have to repeat yourself everyday to him and I'm just fed up with it and don't feel like he gets it. SOrry for the long post guys...just don't know what else to do or anything or anyone to talk to. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. I'd appreciate any advice I can get!