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Military Families Military Families

Husband doesnt approve of son enlisting in Marines - need advice

Posted by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 8:30 AM
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My son has joined the DEP program at our local recruitment office so that he can enter the Marines when he graduates high school.  He is planning on becoming involved with military intelligence in the future.  My problem is that my husband refuses to support his decision.  I am just happy that my son has found something that he is excited about.  I am having a really hard time trying to give my son all the support he needs right now (and will need in the future) while my husband continues to make negative comments about this decision.  He offers me no support when it comes to all the activities our son is participating in -- I really feel like a single parent and need some advice.  Is anyone else facing a similar situation regarding this issue?  Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 8:30 AM
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SusanD
by Silver Member on Oct. 4, 2012 at 8:52 AM
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 Maybe as time passes he will come around. He SHOULD support his son, but if he doesn't then you can't force him to. The only thing that you can do is be there for your son and give him all of the support that you can. Its crappy that hour husband has decided to go this route, and like I said maybe he will come around. If he doesn't, then its his loss.

jas_momof2
by アニメの雌犬 on Oct. 4, 2012 at 9:06 AM
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You can't make your dh support him.  But you can tell him that if he can't be supportive, at least keep the negative comments to himself.  He's not doing his relationship with his son any good doing that.

violinjewel
by Julia on Oct. 4, 2012 at 10:21 AM



Quoting jas_momof2:

You can't make your dh support him.  But you can tell him that if he can't be supportive, at least keep the negative comments to himself.  He's not doing his relationship with his son any good doing that.


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adoptivemomof1
by Mel on Oct. 4, 2012 at 10:39 AM

I agree with the other ladies- you cannot force him to support your son BUT if he continues to be negative then it could drive a wedge between them. My SIL was less than supportive of hubby's joining and  it  has really strained their relationship...they went for quite a while without even speaking...

PrdNate
by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 11:04 AM

It is a shame that he will not support my son (he won't even explain why he is so against this decision).   I am so proud of my son's decision but what makes it harder is that I don't have my husband to share all these new experiences with.  I feel like my husband not only let our son down, but he let me down too.  I will continue to be strong for my son and just hope my husband comes around sooner or later because it is hard to deal with.  And yes, this has affected several relationships already - father/son, wife, husband, and even father/daughter (our oldest daughter is really mad at her dad for this).  Thanks for everyone's input!

SusanD
by Silver Member on Oct. 4, 2012 at 12:06 PM
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 I'm sorry that it is straining the family relationships. I would first start limiting the conversations about this matter with him. Your son made an adult decision and a decision that not everyone is a fan of, including your husband. You should be proud of him and hopefully DH can suck it up and at a minimum be supportive. Talk to DH and explain to him that you understand that he doesn't support him but that the least he can do is keep any negative comments to himself. After that, do not include him in the conversations about the matter and let DH know that this is what you are going to do in an attempt to keep things positive for your son.

Also keep in mind that there may be various reasons for his lack of support. Many people do not like the military, and so be it. So maybe that is it. He just doesn't agree with military action. Many others feel like its a good job for someone else, but have a "not good enough for MY son" mentality. I've seen this mentality come from older vets like my father and especially from those who were drafted or were in service during a time where the military didn't get much respect and wasn't seen as much of an honorable position. Usually those come around once their child begins to excel and especially when they move into leadership positions and they see their child start to take charge and become a man (in your case). Then there are those who bottle up their emotions and it comes out as a lack of support or negativity, when in reality its fear or anxiety talking. Maybe he doesn't want him to grow up. Maybe he fears the hazards that come with the job. Maybe the entire situation has him knotted up on the inside, and its easier for some to be negative than it is to be emotional. If that is the case, then he most almost certainly come around and have a change of tune. Regardless of his reasoning, I hope that he comes around and is able to be supportive of his son. Good luck!

salamandersmom
by on Oct. 5, 2012 at 5:34 PM
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Well, my hubby was disappointed when our son joined the Army.  (we were Air Force).  He was really upset when our son decided to be Infantry.  Part of his unhappiness was due to the fact that hubby is TERRIFIED for our son, who is ... well... I call him "The King of Reckless."  You can imagine that this means he has a small shortage of self preservation skills.  So, hubby covers his fear (which he feels is not manly) by making crappy, rude comments.  We're working on this, but it takes time. 

All I can say is ask hubby WHY he feels he has to be so negative.  Is it because he doesn't approve of the military?  Or is it because he's AFRAID for your son?  If its fear, then please remember that making hurtful comments isn't helpful, and might actually undermine your son's confidence, something he needs to have as a soldier. 

marinemamaof2
by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 8:06 PM
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I'm sorry for what you are having to deal with.  I agree with what everyone is saying.  This is either fear for your son or a dislike for the military.  I can't imagine going thru something like this myself.  I have a son and daughter who have both enlisted in the Marines, they have actually both just re-enlisted for a second term.  The are third generation Marines in our family of Marines.  My husband was a Marine, his two brothers and also his Uncle.  We have a history of Marines.  So as you can see I definitely have the support of my husband.  Maybe time will turn him around.  Once they come home from boot camp they are like a totally different person, so grown up and they carry themselfs so professionally.  They stand up straight and don't slump over.  I think your husband will come around in time.  You son will be a man by the time he gets home from basic and  your husband will be very proud of him, I know that I was of my two.  You just can't help it.

anime.princess
by on Oct. 16, 2012 at 1:08 AM
1 mom liked this

Be very supportive of your son.  The intel schools are alright, he'll probably have a great time at any of them.  Also, he'll probably spend little or no time in a battlefield; the DoN need their intel sailors and marines doing more critical things than aiming with rifles.  He'll probably go to school in Virginia Beach (at the CID Dam Neck Annex of NAS Oceana) after he's done with his MCT (combat training given after bootcamp to marines who aren't infantrymen).

Justbeingme00
by on Oct. 16, 2012 at 1:18 AM
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Ok my mother was VERY against my decision of joining the AF at first, said she would chain me to a tree before she would let me go cause she just wanted me to go to college...we compromised on college but after one semester she knew I was not happy. After sitting down and talking about why I wanted to join and realizing it was for good reasons she came around and actually was the one who took me to my recruiters office...maybe you guys just need to sit down so he can explain why that is his decision but I'm sure he will eventually come around...stay very supportive of your son, he needs it....
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