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Military Families Military Families

In-laws and deployment

Posted by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:20 PM
  • 22 Replies
My husband is deploying soon and his family wants to come up right before he deploys. They are coming up next weekend, and we are spending Thanksgiving with them. He is unable to take leave for Xmas due to the deployment and he's leaving shortly after. Is it wrong for me to want to spend the last few weeks with him before he leaves as a family? Am I being selfish? He doesn't want his parents to come either but he doesn't want to be rude. Anyone else have the same issue? I feel I want to be selfish of his time left in the states.
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by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:20 PM
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Replies (1-10):
DOCSwife84
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:22 PM
And since we are spending this next week with them and the week of Thanksgiving with them. We are seeing them once a month till he goes. I feel we want and need this time together.
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Apollos82
by Cassie on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:22 PM
Selfish is just fine, in this case. Perhaps offer a weekend coming up whn they can visit and you can have a big family dinner... Then tell them after XYZ date, it's going to be a bonding time for your immediate family. Thank them for their understanding before they can even say anything else.
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adrianna1043
by Adrianna on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:43 PM
I would lay it out for them, and no that is not selfish to want to spend time alone as a family.
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gatorswife1401
by Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:47 PM
That what happen to us. Dh told his family that he would be free to spend with them til this date. After said date he was spending it with just his wife and kids. So no not selfish at all.
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cocoroo
by Coco on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:59 PM

Luckily my inlaws live on the opposite coast and they don't come visit us, so this isn't an issue. In your situation, I would tell them that it is your time as a family and I wouldn't feel guilty at all.

barrelracer1699
by Chel on Oct. 8, 2012 at 1:04 PM

Basically what the other ladies have said! Don't feel bad or rude!

DOCSwife84
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 2:20 PM
We have said that and they comeback with "we are married and still make it a point to see each others parents". They don't get it and i feel they are being selfish. My husband is the one deploying, not them. I feel they should respect his wishes. We live in North Carolina and they live in Illinois.
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DOCSwife84
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 2:48 PM
I just don't want to sound controlling and I don't like telling people how I feel and seem overbearing.
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usmclife58
by Nikki on Oct. 8, 2012 at 3:03 PM

Just tell them that you will see them at Thanksgiving, and after that the time is dedicated to YOUR family. If they don't like it, tough. And YOU have to be tough to get what you want. And your husband needs to back you up. Actually, he really needs to be the one to tell them.

MegG25
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 3:19 PM
1 mom liked this

I agree completely with this.  And no you are not being selfish at all.  You can't please everybody all the time- and trust me I struggle with this.  But you will all have regrets if you end up being busy and spending time with everybody else before he leaves.

Quoting usmclife58:

Just tell them that you will see them at Thanksgiving, and after that the time is dedicated to YOUR family. If they don't like it, tough. And YOU have to be tough to get what you want. And your husband needs to back you up. Actually, he really needs to be the one to tell them.


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