Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Military Families Military Families

Not sure what to tell her

Posted by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 4:47 PM
  • 25 Replies

A friend of mine here (current living area) had twin girls via c-section on the 6th after 3 hours of labor (she could have delivered naturally, but one twin was breach). to the girls who are about 3 months early.  Currently they are in the NICU hooked up to breathing machines, IV's heart rate monitors, billiruben lights and loads of of other things.   The day the girls were born, both myself and the hospital submitted red cross messages to her husband's unit for him to come home (she's type 1 diabetic and also does not drive).  We are now 6 days from that day and he's still at the FOB.  She's getting pissed because she wants him home to help out (they want her at the NICU 3x a day to be with the girls and to help with her milk production) and his unit isn't sending him home.  Part of me keeps thinking "mission first, family second" but part of me also hurts for her.  She says' the girls aren't stable, but their vitals look good and they have the normal stuff going on that most premies have going on so to me that seems stable.  She says that because she get's changing updates on their statusses they are unstable.  Can someone please help me figure out what to tell this lady?

by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 4:47 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
usmclife58
by Nikki on Oct. 12, 2012 at 5:04 PM

How close of a friend is she? 

adrianna1043
by Adrianna on Oct. 12, 2012 at 5:14 PM
5 moms liked this
Sometimes you can't say anything, you just listen.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
KelissaMaye
by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 5:20 PM
Send another one. Sometimes it takes persistence. Or contact her frg or equivalent.
DizneyMomma2001
by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 6:14 PM


Quoting usmclife58:

How close of a friend is she? 

Love her like a little sister, was in the room with her during the C-Section and all day after for 2 days helping her with walking, showering, pumping encouragement.   I have tried telling her numerous times how the Army works (If they wanted you to have a spouse, they would have issued you one) and she says she knows but doesnt like the stupidity.  I told her at most she could do was send in a complaint letter to his unit in regards to how the situation was being handled but to be forwarned that it could affect his carrer.  If it were me, I would make the best of a horrible situation and only focus on the things I could control rather then stressing about the things I couldn't control.  I know this was her first and only pregnancy and that alone is scary, but there comes a time also where you have to put on your big girl britches and take charge of the things you can take charge of.  Right now I'm guessing I sound like an insensitive witch.

DizneyMomma2001
by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 6:15 PM


Quoting KelissaMaye:

Send another one. Sometimes it takes persistence. Or contact her frg or equivalent.

The Rear D Captian contacted her already.  She also tried to call her FRG leader and only got voice mail.  His unit was going to send him home next month because he had a baby due soon (if she had gone to term, it would have been Dec 17th for her C-Section).  

usmclife58
by Nikki on Oct. 12, 2012 at 6:26 PM
2 moms liked this

Like a sister is close enough for you to tell her to suck it up. Say it sucks, and you know that it sucks, but she needs to deal with the fact he is not coming home. 

Quoting DizneyMomma2001:


Quoting usmclife58:

How close of a friend is she? 

Love her like a little sister, was in the room with her during the C-Section and all day after for 2 days helping her with walking, showering, pumping encouragement.   I have tried telling her numerous times how the Army works (If they wanted you to have a spouse, they would have issued you one) and she says she knows but doesnt like the stupidity.  I told her at most she could do was send in a complaint letter to his unit in regards to how the situation was being handled but to be forwarned that it could affect his carrer.  If it were me, I would make the best of a horrible situation and only focus on the things I could control rather then stressing about the things I couldn't control.  I know this was her first and only pregnancy and that alone is scary, but there comes a time also where you have to put on your big girl britches and take charge of the things you can take charge of.  Right now I'm guessing I sound like an insensitive witch.


Aqua_Jen
by Gold Member on Oct. 12, 2012 at 6:35 PM
This is the hardest part of being a military wife, IMO. There are times when our men just can't be home, no matter how much we want them here or they want to be home. This is one of those times. She WILL get through this. She just needs to accept that things don't operate on our schedules, there is a bigger picture. If they are keeping him there, there most likely is a reason.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Aqua_Jen
by Gold Member on Oct. 12, 2012 at 6:37 PM
Oh, and if she lives on post I can maybe help with rides to and from the nicu if it would help.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
kkmack
by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 7:00 PM

Are they actually saying he isn't coming? Sometimes there are issues getting flights out of there (I'm assuming he's in Afghan?) for any number of reasons. And he may not be able to discuss the reasons. I would keep contacting the unit for a straight answer on whether they plan to send him and (roughly) when if you can.

Tish_Hughes
by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 7:12 PM

A guy that I work with is married and his wife just had their baby early. He weighed 2lbs, 16 oz or something like that. He was at Ft. Polk at JRTC but he is on emergency leave now because his wife had that HELLP or whatever it's called. My best friend gave birth at 28 weeks, her husband was allowed to leave Iraq and be with her and their baby. A guy (who was pinned SSG today) was put on torch because his wife was having surgery. She's a civilian and had nobody else to care for their sons through her recovery. So that whole "mission first" is some Army Wives (the TV show) type of stuff. Not all commands are about that. They understand that people's families needs them. I'm not sure what you tell her, maybe you should do what the lady suggested and listen cause you're annoying me with this post and it doesn't even have anything to do with me.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)