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PORN

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 35 Replies
Ok, I have your attention.



I realize there are couples with different lifestyles or views where porn is acceptable and comfortable in the marriage.



Not me.

My husband has been addicted to it for a while and all of the deployments do NOT help.

I realize some men or women can look and still want their SO. Not mine. He has become desensitized to sex wih me. He still gets a hard on and all of that good stuff but the passion is lacking. He loves me, does not physically cheat on me, is a good provider and dad, but there is nothing lately. The past two years have been void of passion. Only French kiss when we are doing it. Never compliments me. I would think he had a lover but he never leaves tje house, but when he comes home from work he tunes out. I can't remember the last time we had a talk about anything other than bills or the kids. I try to be fun with him bit he would rather watch tv. Always.

We signed up for counselig and he has found excuses. We have to move to another state in 6 months and I don't want the same life. Of course I don't want to be a single mom either. I love staying home with the girls. I am just torn. I want a real marriage. I want someone that will look me in the face and ask me how my day was. :(
Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 28, 2012 at 8:52 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Lizzys_mommy13
by on Oct. 28, 2012 at 8:56 PM
1 mom liked this

My husband and I actually faced a problem like this. He didn't understand how his addiction was hurting our family. He came home to my bags packed one day and decided that I was more important than those girls on a screen. He no longer looks at it and we are doing a LOT better!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 28, 2012 at 9:01 PM
Did you have to attend counseling? It sounds like you set him straight! :) I wish mine would respond to me but he will tell me what I need at the time and be good for a couple of days. His dad is he same way. Lives in a separate house form his wife and they never have sex. Boo :(


Quoting Lizzys_mommy13:

My husband and I actually faced a problem like this. He didn't understand how his addiction was hurting our family. He came home to my bags packed one day and decided that I was more important than those girls on a screen. He no longer looks at it and we are doing a LOT better!


Lizzys_mommy13
by on Oct. 28, 2012 at 9:03 PM
1 mom liked this

We actually had seperate counselors for a while and read a book together recently called "Laugh your way to a Better Marriage." We do still plan on going to a couples counselor to work on issues that we still have because of past things, but we are doing a ton better right now on our own.

Quoting Anonymous:

Did you have to attend counseling? It sounds like you set him straight! :) I wish mine would respond to me but he will tell me what I need at the time and be good for a couple of days. His dad is he same way. Lives in a separate house form his wife and they never have sex. Boo :(


Quoting Lizzys_mommy13:

My husband and I actually faced a problem like this. He didn't understand how his addiction was hurting our family. He came home to my bags packed one day and decided that I was more important than those girls on a screen. He no longer looks at it and we are doing a LOT better!



mommak92
by on Oct. 29, 2012 at 1:36 AM
1 mom liked this

I found some on my bf's phone....previously my fiancee....our sex life has been almost nonexistant for months now and he always find some other excuse to blame it on... I don't even want sex with him when he offers anymore because when it happens he expects me to just get on top and basically...like he's a dildo. And I get nothing out of that, I feel weird, like I'm having sex with a dead person, and can't go through with it. This among other issues pushed me to give him the ring back one day, go to my mom's and not come back till late, and tell him he can do what he wants with the ring, but he really needs to put some thought into if this is what he wants because I don't feel that we're both equally invested in the relationship and I can't be engaged to someone when it's like that.... after about a week of him pouting and sulking, he's finally BEGINNING to START to show some willingness to change, because I refuse to put the ring back on until he can prove to me that if we get married, it will be a healthy, happy marriage I would want my kids to model theirs after one day.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 29, 2012 at 1:40 AM
Good for you. Of course I am glad I have my two daughters, but I realize that it will affect them if it affects me even if they don't know what is happening. I don't want the. To think this is how a marriage is supposed to be. My oldest daughter tries to make him hug me. Really sad


Quoting mommak92:

I found some on my bf's phone....previously my fiancee....our sex life has been almost nonexistant for months now and he always find some other excuse to blame it on... I don't even want sex with him when he offers anymore because when it happens he expects me to just get on top and basically...like he's a dildo. And I get nothing out of that, I feel weird, like I'm having sex with a dead person, and can't go through with it. This among other issues pushed me to give him the ring back one day, go to my mom's and not come back till late, and tell him he can do what he wants with the ring, but he really needs to put some thought into if this is what he wants because I don't feel that we're both equally invested in the relationship and I can't be engaged to someone when it's like that.... after about a week of him pouting and sulking, he's finally BEGINNING to START to show some willingness to change, because I refuse to put the ring back on until he can prove to me that if we get married, it will be a healthy, happy marriage I would want my kids to model theirs after one day.


DevilInPigtails
by on Oct. 29, 2012 at 10:05 AM
2 moms liked this

Maybe it is a genetic thing, low sexual drive over all.  Combine that with porn and he is out for the count.  Also sounds like he has learned some unproductive behaviors from his Dad.  

Start with you going to the counsoler.  Have she/he help you get him there.  She/he will be able to help you convince him to come and what to do if he gets really stubborn. 

And see if you can get his hormones tested.

Also talk to your oldest.  It is not your job to make everything ok or to fix it.  It takes two to make a marriage work.

Good luck

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 29, 2012 at 10:32 AM
1 mom liked this
Thank u. I am goin to mention that about the hormones. I hope out counseling helps. I will keep everyone posted.
UCFknight
by Bronze Member on Oct. 29, 2012 at 10:40 AM
For us my husband began his porn addiction at age 13. It of course became worse when he joined the marine corps and was gone a lot. But I think our breaking point is when I was at home and instead of giving me attention he was roaming the internet. I can't tell you how many discussions we had the first few years about it. 3 years ago was my breaking point because our small kids accidentally found it on his computer. He sought counseling, check out XXX church. If you're religious, it's a god sent to research! He also got counseling from our pastor and i got counselling also. I didn't realize I had lost trust in him because of all this. He was giving himself to women on the Internet and I didnt realize how mjch it hurt my self esteem that he was choosing them over me. Anyway, he has been clean for over 2.5 years now and our marriage is stronger than ever.
We also help counsel local couples in area who are dealing with it as well. He has addiction and we treat it as such, everyday is a great day because he is stepping further and further away from it. Seek counseling for sure, but not just for him, you will need it as well. You may not realize how much of your marriage has been taken by what so many people see as a mostly innocent issue. Good luck sweetie!
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 29, 2012 at 10:45 AM
Thank you so much. My husband has always had an addictive personality. I didn't know when we got together but I was his porn. He was very clingy and had to have it all the time. Wih it beig my first relationship, I thought he just couldn't keep his hands off of me. We are unequally yoked at the time which makes it hard. He believes, but I am very positive e does not have a close relationship wih God. He has strayed and I think the prob makes him feel worthless. The counselor we have deals wih Chrisitian counseling for marriage and also for pornography addiction. I hope my husband stops with the excuses not to go. I am so happy to hear Satan did not win in destroying your marriage. Hugs!!



Quoting UCFknight:

For us my husband began his porn addiction at age 13. It of course became worse when he joined the marine corps and was gone a lot. But I think our breaking point is when I was at home and instead of giving me attention he was roaming the internet. I can't tell you how many discussions we had the first few years about it. 3 years ago was my breaking point because our small kids accidentally found it on his computer. He sought counseling, check out XXX church. If you're religious, it's a god sent to research! He also got counseling from our pastor and i got counselling also. I didn't realize I had lost trust in him because of all this. He was giving himself to women on the Internet and I didnt realize how mjch it hurt my self esteem that he was choosing them over me. Anyway, he has been clean for over 2.5 years now and our marriage is stronger than ever.


We also help counsel local couples in area who are dealing with it as well. He has addiction and we treat it as such, everyday is a great day because he is stepping further and further away from it. Seek counseling for sure, but not just for him, you will need it as well. You may not realize how much of your marriage has been taken by what so many people see as a mostly innocent issue. Good luck sweetie!


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UCFknight
by Bronze Member on Oct. 29, 2012 at 11:00 AM
1 mom liked this
It was definiteoy a struggle! I asked him to go counseling for so long, but he kept telling me he didn't have a problem. When our three year old son asked daddy about the naked lady on his computer, my husband lost it (crying,embarrassed). He couldn't believe he had allowed it to be so easily available for his own kids to find. I never told him I would leave him, if he didn't stop. But I did tell him our marriage could be so much more if only we took that part out of our lives. He may not want to go in and seek counseling (mine didn't Nd we found XXX church). We got information and talked to people thru the site. He is the one who asked me if I would be willing to counsel other couples. Honestly I was embarrassed at first to share with others of what we went thru.
Buti realized that by helping others see what we went thru, I could help save a marriage!

Stay persistent, you may need to start with Internet support groups and information. W went five years in our marriage before he finally decided to change his way of thinking. He says now he doesn't even have the cravings or needs to go on the net anymore and look for it, and was able to be deployed without being tempted. If you need anymore help, just let me know! If I can save my marriage, I truly believe any can be saved!
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