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Military Families Military Families

Need advice, fiancé wants to join the navy

Posted by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 10:10 PM
  • 28 Replies
Hi my names Taylor I'm 17 and have a 3 week old son. My fiancé wants to join the navy to be in the military police. I don't know if I want him to I know the benefits would be great for us and its the best thing to do but I'm scared ill never see him and he will miss out on raising our son. I struggle with depression and I feel like I won't be able to handle being away from him. What do you guys think? I'd like to hear back from some military wives to hear there stories. My fiancé really wants to do it I don't want to stop him from what he wants to do. So help please
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by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 10:10 PM
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Replies (1-10):
edelweiss23
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 10:14 PM
First off!
Welcome and congratulations on the baby.
You will need to marry h before he joins to get any benefits.
My advice is to make a list of pros and cons together.
I have been a military spouse for a while now, there are times I hate it, but I will admit, I am never more proud if my husband then when he puts his uniform on !!

The ladies in here are great and for the most part brutally honest!
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MamaBear1021
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 10:21 PM
Well the only bad thing is ill miss him and will develop severe depression problems more than I already have, but then there's tons of good things that'll come out of it. I just don't know what to do :/


Quoting edelweiss23:

First off!

Welcome and congratulations on the baby.

You will need to marry h before he joins to get any benefits.

My advice is to make a list of pros and cons together.

I have been a military spouse for a while now, there are times I hate it, but I will admit, I am never more proud if my husband then when he puts his uniform on !!



The ladies in here are great and for the most part brutally honest!

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edelweiss23
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 10:25 PM
There are some great off base programs such as MOPS(mothers of preschoolers) that are a huge help!
There are times when I curl up and cry, other times I want to throw things and yell. But at the end if the day, I know I have an amazing man who is doing a job he loves.
Feel free to PM me if you like. I am not a navy wife(army), but am an ear to listen and someone to bounce things off of!!


Quoting MamaBear1021:

Well the only bad thing is ill miss him and will develop severe depression problems more than I already have, but then there's tons of good things that'll come out of it. I just don't know what to do :/




Quoting edelweiss23:

First off!


Welcome and congratulations on the baby.


You will need to marry h before he joins to get any benefits.


My advice is to make a list of pros and cons together.


I have been a military spouse for a while now, there are times I hate it, but I will admit, I am never more proud if my husband then when he puts his uniform on !!





The ladies in here are great and for the most part brutally honest!


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chrlstoncharmed
by Melissa on Nov. 18, 2012 at 10:48 PM
If you aren't married, you don't get benefits and he would not be able to have any type of custody of your child because single parents cant join the military. If you do get married, he has too many dependants to join.
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ArmyMechsWife
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 11:15 PM
What do you mean too may dependents to join?! When I enlisted I was married and had a son...I've never heard that..


Quoting chrlstoncharmed:

If you aren't married, you don't get benefits and he would not be able to have any type of custody of your child because single parents cant join the military. If you do get married, he has too many dependants to join.

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chrlstoncharmed
by Melissa on Nov. 18, 2012 at 11:22 PM
Sorry, brain fart on my part. You're right... You can be married with 2 kids. (For Army. I'm not sure what Navy regs are)
Quoting ArmyMechsWife:

What do you mean too may dependents to join?! When I enlisted I was married and had a son...I've never heard that..





Quoting chrlstoncharmed:

If you aren't married, you don't get benefits and he would not be able to have any type of custody of your child because single parents cant join the military. If you do get married, he has too many dependants to join.

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sailorwifenmom
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 12:32 AM
1 mom liked this
Navy is the same, you can have 2 kids when you enlist. You can have more after you're on AD, or you can apply for a waiver to enlist with more, but...

As far as being a Navy family goes, a lot of that is the same. Yes, there will be times he's gone, and a lot will depend on how you handle it.

If you just shut yourself up in your house and be alone and miserable, especially if you have depression, then it will be VERY difficult for you. BUT, if you choose to reach out, there are a ton of programs and support to help you and make it a lot easier (and even fun at times) while they're gone.

There is also support and treatment (counseling and medication) for your depression.

I can honestly say that overall, the Navy has been a very good life for us, and our kids have grown up very close to their dad, even when he's been hone he's still involved with them - emails, cards and packages, all sorts of things. Being s Navy family can be a great opportunity and a great thing for your family, but, if you go into it determined to fail and already convinced you will be miserable, then you will be, kwim?

Something to keep in mind though, if this is something that he really truly wants to do with his life, would you rather an ocean between you when he's deployed, or an ocean between you forever, if he grows to resent you for stopping him and keeping him from this? Just something to think about. Only the 2 of you know whether this is good for you all or not.
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sailorwifenmom
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 12:36 AM
Btw, I forgot to include "my story" like you asked... I met my husband when we were both Navy. We were then married dual military for a short time. He's still in the Navy. We both enlisted 22 years ago (I got out long ago) and we have been married 20 years.

We gave a 19 yr old who also joined the Navy and an 18 yr old in college. Both of them say they liked growing up as Navy brats.
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MamaBear1021
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 1:19 AM


Quoting sailorwifenmom:

Navy is the same, you can have 2 kids when you enlist. You can have more after you're on AD, or you can apply for a waiver to enlist with more, but...

As far as being a Navy family goes, a lot of that is the same. Yes, there will be times he's gone, and a lot will depend on how you handle it.

If you just shut yourself up in your house and be alone and miserable, especially if you have depression, then it will be VERY difficult for you. BUT, if you choose to reach out, there are a ton of programs and support to help you and make it a lot easier (and even fun at times) while they're gone.

There is also support and treatment (counseling and medication) for your depression.

I can honestly say that overall, the Navy has been a very good life for us, and our kids have grown up very close to their dad, even when he's been hone he's still involved with them - emails, cards and packages, all sorts of things. Being s Navy family can be a great opportunity and a great thing for your family, but, if you go into it determined to fail and already convinced you will be miserable, then you will be, kwim?

Something to keep in mind though, if this is something that he really truly wants to do with his life, would you rather an ocean between you when he's deployed, or an ocean between you forever, if he grows to resent you for stopping him and keeping him from this? Just something to think about. Only the 2 of you know whether this is good for you all or not.


so how long is your husband away from you? and how much time do you get together? I want to know how long he will be away from me

barrelracer1699
by Chel on Nov. 19, 2012 at 3:26 AM

If you had kept reading you would have seen she realized it was a whoops!

OP I married my husband while he was National Guard. After being out for 2 yrs he decided he wanted to go Active Duty. I fought it and fought it hard. He has now been in AD for 4 years. I enjoy it, other than having to leave my horses with friends due to moving to Germany. Like others have said make sure you get out and do stuff. If you stay at home and do nothing you are going to get farther in to depression. Get some help with this issue too.

I had a friend whos husband was deployed. He kept saying "Go out and do something." Well I asked her to help me watch kids while we were at a paint ball thing on post. Her husband called and went bezirk about any other guys around. Apparently his IDEA of getting out and doing something was a quick trip to Walmart for some pop. Yes she was depressed and that was only a month after he deployed.

Quoting BrittM1988:

This is NOT true, my BIL just join, he is married and has a 2 year old son. Do not spread around incorrect information!

Quoting chrlstoncharmed:

If you aren't married, you don't get benefits and he would not be able to have any type of custody of your child because single parents cant join the military. If you do get married, he has too many dependants to join.



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